New to everyone...

Jordie57

Hi to all...I would like to offer my prayers of comfort, of healing and of strength to you all.

while most of you are in the mist of treatment, and recovering from major surgeries and on going cancer appointments.  I feel humbled by your courage and ability to keep pushing forward.

I understand that all cancer is serious but feel a bit uncomfortable bringing my issue here...but here I am.

i was diagnosed with throat cancer of my vocal cord on May 1, 2019  Stage 1 T1a

my surgeon wanted radiation after surgery...I declined and chose just the surgery.  My surgeon was concerned about taking too much of my vocal cord.    My surgery was June 4th.  

i woke up to....HE GOT IT ALL

my voice is almost back and after a bit of aspiration, doing fine.

FOLKS.....please help me to understand why I'm not feeling any more excited about this news.   I do feel grateful and all the gratitude to the surgeon, he was wonderful.  I am a blessed woman....and was before this diagnosis.

Why am I depressed?  Why such sadness.  

Many of you had far more serious surgeries  are having a very difficult time.

it all happened so fast....diagnosed, run around getting CT SCANS, lab work.  Several nose scopes.

preparing for post surgerical aftercare for me and my big yellow lab Gracie !

then you go to surgery and family and friend say...ITS ALL OVER, HE GOT IT ALL.  No, I wanted to scream...Its not over.

they act like I should go skipping out of the hospital without a care in the world...BECAUSE HE GOT IT ALL.

neighbors say aren't you glad it's OVER!!!!

I am feeling depressed, numerous crying spells, but picking myself up and functioning ok.

FOLKS.....Help me understand whats going on here and how long to expect these scary feelings.

thanks

Jordie

 

 

ERomanO

Congrats to you, Jordie!

It's a lot to go through in a short time.  Maybe there is some leftover anxiety that will dissipate soon enough.

Jordie57

Thank you...maybe you are

Thank you...maybe you are right.  It takes a lot from you.

you surly have had your share of this cancer.  How are you doing at the present moment.

caregiver wife

Finding peace after cancer treatment

Cancer is scary.  It does all go so very quickly for most after diagnosis.  You don't have time to deal with all the emotions.  It is very scary to think of cancer coming back.  I think most that have had cancer treatment feel exactly as you are feeling.  It takes time to have confidence that the "cure" is going to last.  But it does come.  Every single day the cancer does not return, your odds get better that it never will.

You note the trials the members of this list have gone through.  But that does not represent the norm.  Many come and never post.  Many come and are gone after a short while because they are no longer in treatment.  It is always a great joy to hear from someone that has been away from posting for years to share their NED milestones.  

The emotional trauma is very real.  I encourage all to seek whatever treatment they need.  It is a very real part of the healing.

Crystal

Jordie57

caregiver wife said:

Finding peace after cancer treatment

Cancer is scary.  It does all go so very quickly for most after diagnosis.  You don't have time to deal with all the emotions.  It is very scary to think of cancer coming back.  I think most that have had cancer treatment feel exactly as you are feeling.  It takes time to have confidence that the "cure" is going to last.  But it does come.  Every single day the cancer does not return, your odds get better that it never will.

You note the trials the members of this list have gone through.  But that does not represent the norm.  Many come and never post.  Many come and are gone after a short while because they are no longer in treatment.  It is always a great joy to hear from someone that has been away from posting for years to share their NED milestones.  

The emotional trauma is very real.  I encourage all to seek whatever treatment they need.  It is a very real part of the healing.

Crystal

Crystal your words are

Crystal your words are healing to my soul.  You do understand the deep emotions that cancer causes.  It's such a demon.

i read your words and felt a twinge of hope coming thru.   Thank you for taking the time to help a sad, lost soul.

may God richly bless you

big G

Jordie57 said:

Crystal your words are

Crystal your words are healing to my soul.  You do understand the deep emotions that cancer causes.  It's such a demon.

i read your words and felt a twinge of hope coming thru.   Thank you for taking the time to help a sad, lost soul.

may God richly bless you

Every passing day

You will gain confidence. You will have ups and downs but trust in your faith,medical team and take one day at a time. You will probably find this will change your way of thinking maybe somethings that used to be important are not so anymore. As you probably already know this is a wonderful site with people who have been down a similar path with that will share their experiences that are invaluable to us. Take care and good luck.

Jordie57

Big G you are sooooo right!

Big G you are sooooo right!

when I walked out the door of the ENT office After being diagnosed...........everything that I thought mattered when I walked in....did matter when I walked out.  It was an instant reversal of thoughts and feelings.

Interesting what it does to us and how we now view life and all that's in it.

 

Thank you for your wise and comforting words...

ERomanO

Jordie57 said:

Thank you...maybe you are

Thank you...maybe you are right.  It takes a lot from you.

you surly have had your share of this cancer.  How are you doing at the present moment.

Little by little life is

Little by little life is getting better, thanks.  There were some setbacks along the way but this spring has brought on a turning point (not a sharp turn, but a wide sweeping turn).  I finished up my treatments last June, started back playing gigs in August and have logged in 45 performances since then (my new avatar is from last weekend). I started going to one-hour fitness classes twice a week back in early April and began enjoying the benefits right away.  I'm going to add a 3rd class as time allows.  I've gone on a couple bike rides so far this year - 20 miles and 30 miles - and feel physically stronger than I have in decades.  I also just met a very sweet lady that thinks I'm funny and I will be seeing her again soon. I have a very good feeling about her and the possibility that we might strike up a lasting relationship.  As with everything time will tell, but the positive vibes are there!

I think it's very difficult, if not imppossible to get to my age and not feel like there is some new malady right around the corner ready to strike, but I'm not going to worry about it until that I reach that corner.  Until then I'm trying to make the most out of life while I'm here.

Oh yeah.... that cancer I had. Well, I don't think about it other than dealing with the ongoing side effects which aren't all that big of a deal anymore.  I'll think about it a little more when I go in for my one year followup in July, then I'll forget about it again, unless my docs give me something to think about.

I hope you can find some peace soon.

tommyodavey

Gratitude Takes Time

Jordie,  gratitude may come at a later date.  The further away from treatment the better off we are.  My first year was filed with self pity and some depression due to not feeling like my old self and knowing I may never feel 100% again.

Today my life is filled with gratitude from the small things in life.  A good cup of coffee out at Mickey D's, listening to some good music, etc.  The small things along with friends and family make me a very content man.  Being sick gave me things I didn't have before.  I no longer get upset with crazy aggressive drivers and just take life in the slow lane where I can smell the flowers.

Not all of us have the same experience.  In some ways my cancer helped my mental state to appreciate small things.  Out of bad comes good.

Don't sweat it.  You are exactly where you're supposed to be.

Tom

wbcgaruss

Video-Post Treatment

 

Jordie I know how you feel and please watch this 17-minute video "Lost in Transition". From cancer patient to cancer survivor. This video sums up a lot of feelings we have because they talk to real people and real doctors about life after treatment. One woman said she finished her last treatment and thought she would be elated and happy but on the way home had to pull over to the side of the road because she was just so over taken by grief at that moment. This is a great short video and I get emotional every time I watch it because I see and feel what these fellow cancer folks have gone through and continue to go through and it relates to us and to me and reflects how a lot of people in our local support group feel and talk about it. God Bless

Providing 2 links-same video

 

https://player.vimeo.com/video/103708844

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhuqWM3dNAw

 

 

Jordie57

I watched it....

More importantly.....I LISTENED TO IT.   

sure would help if every friend, family member, and neighbor could watch it.  I'm sure we ALL feel we could have done that documentary.

Thank you so very much for sending it my way.

i wish it could be posted more often on all the other discussion boards for all types of cancer.  It's so helpful to know we are not loosing our minds, or having a mental breakdown.  We absolutely own these feeling and they are real !!!!

priceless....ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS❤️

wbcgaruss

So Very Glad

It helped you so much. Yes, I mean NO you are not losing your mind when you live with the aftermath of treatment every day. I know people don't understand like the video says people think you had cancer, got the treatment and now you are back to normal and we move on. We don't want pity just for understanding. Just keep explaining it to people and give them the link to the video. Like the one guy said you deal with it each day and try not to let it consume you. God Bless Stay Strong.