I'm back and still fighting

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Comments

  • Cyanette
    Cyanette Member Posts: 8
    Spring is coming and I can’t

    Spring is coming and I can’t wait to play flowers and a garden. 

    You gave me hope.  Hugs

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478
    Cyanette said:

    Spring is coming and I can’t

    Spring is coming and I can’t wait to play flowers and a garden. 

    You gave me hope.  Hugs

    Gardening!

    Me, too! I want a veggie garden! And I can't wait to see the perrenials come up. But it'll be some time for that. We've been at -23 to -31 celsius for weeks now and it looks like there's no let up in sight. That's about -9 to -24 Farenheit. Yuck! Even here in Alberta, Canada that's a long stretch of really cold.

    What kind of flowers do you have?

    Jan

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,241 Member
    Inspired and inspiring!! So

    Inspired and inspiring!! So great to hear you come out swinging, Jan. Anyone who reads that can't help but feel stronger by proxy, me included....................................................Dave

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478

    Inspired and inspiring!! So

    Inspired and inspiring!! So great to hear you come out swinging, Jan. Anyone who reads that can't help but feel stronger by proxy, me included....................................................Dave

    Dave

    Dave, you're such a sweetie! I'm feeling better every day. I'm excited for the future! I was at the point a few times where I'd be disappointed when I waoke up in the morning because I was still alive. That's about as low as I get. I felt like I had no future. But now I do. I'll go down eventually but I'll go down fighting as long as I can. I'm so glad if this is helpful to people!

    I want all of us to beat this or at least enjoy life until we can't anymore. Now if we could just get through this crappy weather I'm going to start walking and ride my horse. It's seriously cold here. We never get it for this long of a stretch. But they have snow in Vancouver, BC and they should have had flowers starting last month. Ick! I thought climate change was supposed to make things warmer. My sister lives in California and they've been cold, for them. For us it would be awesome. She can even see snow on the mountains or hills or whatever they have there. I've never been.

    Jan

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478
    A story to make you laugh

    I'm pretty sure I haven't told this one before, I hope not, stupid memory. So I had my PET scan in November. My husband drives me to all this stuff in my car. I hate how he drives but try to keep my mouth shut because I'm not able to take myself- yet. The hospital where the cancer clinic is hasn't had parking for a couple of years due to rebuilding the parking lot as a multi level one. So it's easiest to have him drop me off and pick me up after.

    So we're driving there and I'm upset because it's a PET scan and I'm scared of the results and I'd like him to go in with me but I have to go in alone. And his driving is particularly annoying that day. I check in and sit in the quite full waiting room and am suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. I start crying to myself. An older woman kindly comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder and asks if I'm okay. I tell her about how just going to the centre is upsetting and I'm scared and all that. She's being lovely and offers to pray for me and says a prayer right then and there. Which makes me more emotional. She asks if anyone is coming to be with me and I start babbling about how my husband is just driving around in my car and how I wish he were there but Im also mad at him for how he drives and so I don't want him there also. The room erupts in laughter. Apparently they'd all been listening in! 

    Looking back it was funny and she really lifted my spirits. I've had so many lovely experiences during this cancer bs that it's made it into a positive in many ways. 

    Hope you guys find this funny, too! 

    Jan

  • ellend
    ellend Member Posts: 109 Member
    Love your stories

    Jan,

    Its truly inspiring to hear how changing your attitude resulted in you feeling so much more energized. I am glad to hear that you are able to do more things you truly enjoy, which no doubt helps you to feel better. I'm also glad to hear you have found joy in life again. I know things have been tough for you and it is hard to keep a positive outloook on life when the treatments take such a huge toll. I applaud you for being able to overcome the adversity and find reasons to smile and laugh again.

    Glad to see you back on the forum.

    Ellen

  • SophDan2
    SophDan2 Member Posts: 150 Member
    Inspirational!!!!

    I must say, I started to read your note, but didn't finish it (at first). Then as a scrolled down and read everybody's response, I went back and read it entirely. You are a special individual JanJan; all that you have gone through, yet you still come back to inspire countless others. Though we all have some form of colon cancer and can relate, to a degree, with each other, I can only imagine what you are and have been going through. It sounds like you have turned the corner with your thought process, about living your life to it's fullest, how ever long you/we have left.

    The problem I have, is that I look healthier than most of the healthy people that I know :) I do believe in planning for my future, but living as full of life as I can today is equally as important to me. It's hard for my wife to understand my mindset (that whole looking healthy thing), about thinking ahead in yearly increments, while she is talking 10 years from now. I totally expect to be here in 10 years, but you never know do you? You just had me thinking from your writings, so thanks again for being you!!!!!

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478
    Thank you!!

    Iit's so uplifting to receive the support I get from this forum, thank you all! SophDan, I don't blame you for not reading the whole thing at first, it's long! 

    I think the final straw for me when I took a break was the expectation that I'd be so much better after the surgery in September and I wasn't. I was actually worse. It was so disappointing.

    I wish I could take full credit for my improvement but I think the magnesium helps a lot. I should probably start a post about that in case it helps someone else.

    You guys are all awesome! It feels so good to have people I only know on line care about me. And to hear that I'm inspiring is such a compliment! Thank you so much!

    Love,

    JanJan

  • Phoenix_66
    Phoenix_66 Member Posts: 118
    JanJan63 said:

    Gardening!

    Me, too! I want a veggie garden! And I can't wait to see the perrenials come up. But it'll be some time for that. We've been at -23 to -31 celsius for weeks now and it looks like there's no let up in sight. That's about -9 to -24 Farenheit. Yuck! Even here in Alberta, Canada that's a long stretch of really cold.

    What kind of flowers do you have?

    Jan

    Garden!!

    I told my wife that I really want to plant a vegetable garden this year.  It has been years since I could do it and she is really protective of me not overdoing things.  I may just have to wait for her to be at work.  lol

  • Phoenix_66
    Phoenix_66 Member Posts: 118
    Glad your back

    It is great so see you back on here again.  I know we all missed you.

    I took a break for a while also.  My onc decided NOT to continue lifelong chemo since I was doing so well and my scans were all clear.  My last maintenance chemo was last September and things looked great for several months even though my fatigue hasn't gotten any better.  I had a follow-up PET done in January and another lymph node lit up near my lung.  They say it is too small to biopsy right now and we will just monitor things for a few months.  My CEA had climbed just a little but was still in the normal range.  To be honest, I am not looking forward to my April follow-up for fear that the cancer is back for the fourth time.  My wife of course is not handling things well (as usual) but we will just make the best of our time between now and then and pray that everything is okay.

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478

    Glad your back

    It is great so see you back on here again.  I know we all missed you.

    I took a break for a while also.  My onc decided NOT to continue lifelong chemo since I was doing so well and my scans were all clear.  My last maintenance chemo was last September and things looked great for several months even though my fatigue hasn't gotten any better.  I had a follow-up PET done in January and another lymph node lit up near my lung.  They say it is too small to biopsy right now and we will just monitor things for a few months.  My CEA had climbed just a little but was still in the normal range.  To be honest, I am not looking forward to my April follow-up for fear that the cancer is back for the fourth time.  My wife of course is not handling things well (as usual) but we will just make the best of our time between now and then and pray that everything is okay.

    Biopsy

    I understand that biopsies aren't encouraged due to possible spread of cancer cells. I know my onc will not do it. 

    I hope you get rid of the little bugger. We must have lymph nodes all over the place, hey? What the heck are they for, anyway?

    Jan