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DaisyLou Member Posts: 1

In July my husband found out he had lung cancer. We were devastated. In August he had a small lung wedge resection because they needed a better biopsy. A pleural catheter was put in to keep the fluid from building up And also on oxygen 24/7 at home. It turns out he has a very rare cancer, arcinic cell carcinoma of the parotid gland. He finished radiation and the tumor in his jaw is gone. 

He starts chemo on 10/10 and I’m terrified. To say this has been hard is an understatement. Doctors appointment, dealing with his pain, managing medicines, calling drs, trying to keep the house decent. July and August are a blur. I have anxiety and depression and take medication for it. This cancer diagnosis has sent him reeling as well. He was prescribed Xanax before the surgery in August and has been on Celexa for 8 days. My anxiety feeds off his. I’m scared every cough, etc there’s something wrong. 

We have no family near us. They live 6 hours away. I don’t get much sleep he wakes up in pain. We are trying out different pain medication to see what helps. I’m exhausted. I know it’s bad but sometimes I think of leaving. I wouldn’t but it’s crossed my mind. I look over and see someone I barelay recognize. He’s lost a lot of weight, always has the tube in his nose. I feel alone, isolated, scared, tired and miserable. 


  • B312C
    B312C Member Posts: 20 Member
    do's and don't

    do find some support somehow some way


    don't leave him



  • cheatinlil
    cheatinlil Member Posts: 197


    I'm sorry you are here.  THis board is not very active.  CanCare is an organization that might be able to help.  (713) 461-0028 https://cancare.org/support/.  They were able to get me in touch with a volunteer that I called regularly in the beginning.  I have found meditating helps with my anxiety.  But a support group would be help.  I'm really sorry we are all going through this.  I hope you and your hubby find a rhythm.  Hugs!!! xoxo

  • saint71
    saint71 Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2018 #4


    l know exactly how you feel, my husband was diagnosed on Aug 3rd for lung cancer Stage 4.

    About a month after being diagnosed he ended up in the hospital with fluids surrounding his heart.  They drained 850 cc.  He almost died. The Oncologist has him doing two types of chemo and Immunotherapy.  He has to go in every 3 weeks. It totally wipes him out for the first 4 to 5 days.  Then he starts to move better.  It is exhausting being a caregiver.  They told me to feed him protein because of the chemo. My doctor ended up putting me on antidepressant.  You see I was crying non stop could not eat or sleep.  With the pills it is helping.  You are not alone though it feels that way because anyone who is  close to you might not understand.  If they are not going through it or been through it they won‘t understand it.  I come to this site often and even visit the chat room.  It does help.  If you need to reach out please message me. I am sorry that you are going through this for you and your husband.

  • MWKde
    MWKde Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2018 #5
    Hang in there...

    Being a caregiver is an incredible responsibility.  You have to take care of yourself, so you can care for your partner.  It is a 24/7 understaking which most people will never understand.  Please reach out to the social workers at the hospital, they are a wealth of information and will set up help for you.  

    I wish I had more time to care for my ex-wife.  Yes, when my ex-wife got sick, I asked to help her out.  It was the best GIFT, she could have given me.  I care for her for about a year (24/7) and look back at that time, which it has only been 4 month since she passed, I was the luckiest man on the earth. 

    Please look at the positives, yes there are many.  I wish you only the best! 

    I wish I could do more..... MK