MMMT complications (met @ bone)

LisaPizza

No one knows how she will

No one knows how she will respond. Statistics are averages, and many people far exceed the averages. Some people persist with the chemo, suffer in the time they have left, and don't even respond or get benefit. Others may respond and do unexpectedly well. No one knows what will happen, and it's a horrible choice to have to make with poor information. I'm so sorry. You might consider a second opinion, as some doctors are definitely more aggressive than others ... but being more aggressive may or may not be the right thing. She definitely needs psychological support right now, regardless of what she does. Her doctor shouldn't just leave her to cope on her own.

NoTimeForCancer

winter, I am so sorry.  My

winter, I am so sorry.  My heart breaks for you and your mother.  If she feels good and wants to continue than she should continue.  It should be her choice - not the doctors.  You have been, and need to continue to be, an advocate for your mother.  Your mother is lucky to have you.  

ConnieSW

LisaPizza said:

No one knows how she will

No one knows how she will respond. Statistics are averages, and many people far exceed the averages. Some people persist with the chemo, suffer in the time they have left, and don't even respond or get benefit. Others may respond and do unexpectedly well. No one knows what will happen, and it's a horrible choice to have to make with poor information. I'm so sorry. You might consider a second opinion, as some doctors are definitely more aggressive than others ... but being more aggressive may or may not be the right thing. She definitely needs psychological support right now, regardless of what she does. Her doctor shouldn't just leave her to cope on her own.

LisaPizza

i second your advice. 

wynterpeak

NoTimeForCancer said:

winter, I am so sorry.  My

winter, I am so sorry.  My heart breaks for you and your mother.  If she feels good and wants to continue than she should continue.  It should be her choice - not the doctors.  You have been, and need to continue to be, an advocate for your mother.  Your mother is lucky to have you.  

my mother is adamant about

my mother is adamant about continuing the chemo because the doctor says that she is currently responding well to treatment and she feels fine right now. i fear that she's entering a state of denial because she keeps talking about 'getting rid of the cancer in the bone' and i don't have the heart to shake her from this beacon of hope she's set up. unfortunately i don't think our doctor is still interested in her well-being anymore. 

wynterpeak

LisaPizza said:

No one knows how she will

No one knows how she will respond. Statistics are averages, and many people far exceed the averages. Some people persist with the chemo, suffer in the time they have left, and don't even respond or get benefit. Others may respond and do unexpectedly well. No one knows what will happen, and it's a horrible choice to have to make with poor information. I'm so sorry. You might consider a second opinion, as some doctors are definitely more aggressive than others ... but being more aggressive may or may not be the right thing. She definitely needs psychological support right now, regardless of what she does. Her doctor shouldn't just leave her to cope on her own.

i brought up the various

i brought up the various websites to our doctor but he dismissed them as 'just things on the internet' and told me to be realistic because if people typically only live about 1 year after diagnosis ( she was stage 3c before, and with this bone mets he changed it to 4 ie. 100% terminal, in his words ) then we would be betting on miracles to get her to live longer. 

 

yeah, i...we are not really receiving much support from our doctors. 

 

EDIT: he is aware that old data is old, but he is of the opinion that if this old data wasn't updated, then they're still the truth and i should come to terms with it. 

CheeseQueen57

wynterpeak said:

i brought up the various

i brought up the various websites to our doctor but he dismissed them as 'just things on the internet' and told me to be realistic because if people typically only live about 1 year after diagnosis ( she was stage 3c before, and with this bone mets he changed it to 4 ie. 100% terminal, in his words ) then we would be betting on miracles to get her to live longer. 

 

yeah, i...we are not really receiving much support from our doctors. 

 

EDIT: he is aware that old data is old, but he is of the opinion that if this old data wasn't updated, then they're still the truth and i should come to terms with it. 

Cold

He sounds so cold and uncaring. 

derMaus

wynterpeak said:

my mother is adamant about

my mother is adamant about continuing the chemo because the doctor says that she is currently responding well to treatment and she feels fine right now. i fear that she's entering a state of denial because she keeps talking about 'getting rid of the cancer in the bone' and i don't have the heart to shake her from this beacon of hope she's set up. unfortunately i don't think our doctor is still interested in her well-being anymore. 

Is there a reason you can't

Is there a reason you can't get another doctor?

NoTimeForCancer

I agree with derMaus, or, you

I agree with derMaus, or, you have to have a "come to Jesus" with that doctor.  Your mother should direct her care.  You may need to advocate for that.  Dear daughter, your mother is lucky to have you.  You will not regret fighting for her wishes.  

wynterpeak

derMaus said:

Is there a reason you can't

Is there a reason you can't get another doctor?

hi, this doctor is the

hi, this doctor is the gynaecology department head, or at least from what i understand she is at the helm of all gynae-related cases, including cancer treatments. i feared that transferring my mother's case to another less-experienced doctor would make matters worse, and while she is fine now she is still proceeding with her current chemo cycles ( we are in singapore ) and i don't think traveling is an option...

wynterpeak

CheeseQueen57 said:

Cold

He sounds so cold and uncaring. 

unfortunately i think it's

unfortunately i think it's because she is very utilitarian. my mother is considered 'a lost cause' so she wanted to divert her attention to other 'curable' cancer patients. 

 

this hurt me a lot to type but it's the only reason i can think of to explain the callousness.. 

wynterpeak

LisaPizza said:

No one knows how she will

No one knows how she will respond. Statistics are averages, and many people far exceed the averages. Some people persist with the chemo, suffer in the time they have left, and don't even respond or get benefit. Others may respond and do unexpectedly well. No one knows what will happen, and it's a horrible choice to have to make with poor information. I'm so sorry. You might consider a second opinion, as some doctors are definitely more aggressive than others ... but being more aggressive may or may not be the right thing. She definitely needs psychological support right now, regardless of what she does. Her doctor shouldn't just leave her to cope on her own.

my mother definitely wants to

my mother definitely wants to proceed with chemo, but i fear that she's entered denial stage (about her being stage 4 and this mmmt being...well, terminal) bc she keeps talking about getting surgery to remove the afflicted bone and i don't think she understands that it's not that simple and won't be..i will discreetly be making calls to other doctors, and while i eventually have to talk to her, right now her determination to 'get treated' is what i want, so i won't cause her any despair right now, i don't know if that's a correct call..?

LisaPizza

wynterpeak said:

unfortunately i think it's

unfortunately i think it's because she is very utilitarian. my mother is considered 'a lost cause' so she wanted to divert her attention to other 'curable' cancer patients. 

 

this hurt me a lot to type but it's the only reason i can think of to explain the callousness.. 

The doctor may feel that way,

The doctor may feel that way,  but it makes me so angry. Someone like that should not be a cancer doctor. We need our doctors to be honest with us, but no one should ever be given up on. Your mother is lucky to have you on her side.

 

I could be wrong, but I don't think it's the worst thing if she's in a little denial right now. It's HARD, and it takes time to cope and find your place. And one thing I know from having gone through it (stage 3), is that what you let on to others, and what you know and feel every night when you're trying to sleep, are two very different things. You're trying to spare others, you're trying to convince yourself, or just trying to make it through the next 5 minutes without tears and fear. Your mother probably understands better than you think. Just be there for her, as you already are. I know that it means everything to her.

MAbound

wynterpeak said:

hi, this doctor is the

hi, this doctor is the gynaecology department head, or at least from what i understand she is at the helm of all gynae-related cases, including cancer treatments. i feared that transferring my mother's case to another less-experienced doctor would make matters worse, and while she is fine now she is still proceeding with her current chemo cycles ( we are in singapore ) and i don't think traveling is an option...

Less experienced doctors

Sometimes less experienced doctors are a better option than the best and most-experienced because they might not have such a high opinion of themselves and thus are better communicators and not so quick to write their patients off.

They are also perhaps more up to date in their education and are not so set in doing things the way they have always done. They know they have more to learn.

The best doctors I've had were always the ones who had no problem admitting when they didn't know the answer but would go and find out for me. Sometime's they weren't even doctors, but rather their assistants and I always had a lot more respect and trust in them for being so honest. I'm more suspicious of those who are experts and think they are the final word. Medicine just doesn't work that way.

Go ahead and get second opinions from or change to a less experienced doctor. You really can't do any worse than a doctor who wants to write your mother off.

Lcmartin

wynterpeak said:

my mother is adamant about

my mother is adamant about continuing the chemo because the doctor says that she is currently responding well to treatment and she feels fine right now. i fear that she's entering a state of denial because she keeps talking about 'getting rid of the cancer in the bone' and i don't have the heart to shake her from this beacon of hope she's set up. unfortunately i don't think our doctor is still interested in her well-being anymore. 

There is hope..

My mother was diagnosed in January 2016 with stage 4, serous (mixed with clear cell), uterine cancer. At the time of diagnosis she had 3 lesions in her spine plus lesions in her rib and femur. She too was given a prognosis of 1 year. Even though she's nearly 80 and is currently battling a recurrence, she is here and doing well. I believe that her strict vegan type diet (avoiding dairy, meat and any form of sugar), taking 25+ supplements and 1,700 mg Metformin (thanks to Takingcontrol58) combined with her conventional treatments (chemotherapy, Xgeva and Herceptin) has extended her life. We're currently studying additional cancer fighting off-label drugs to add to her regimen. Wynterpeak I sent you a CSN Email with more details. Best wishes to everyone.

janaes

MAbound said:

Less experienced doctors

Sometimes less experienced doctors are a better option than the best and most-experienced because they might not have such a high opinion of themselves and thus are better communicators and not so quick to write their patients off.

They are also perhaps more up to date in their education and are not so set in doing things the way they have always done. They know they have more to learn.

The best doctors I've had were always the ones who had no problem admitting when they didn't know the answer but would go and find out for me. Sometime's they weren't even doctors, but rather their assistants and I always had a lot more respect and trust in them for being so honest. I'm more suspicious of those who are experts and think they are the final word. Medicine just doesn't work that way.

Go ahead and get second opinions from or change to a less experienced doctor. You really can't do any worse than a doctor who wants to write your mother off.

MAbound,

MAbound,

I like what you said and i beliwve its true. I picked my radiation doctor partly because he listened to me and cared what i thought. He was a new doctor. After treatment was done and about 6 months later i wanted a ct scan. None of my doctors recimended it but when i asked him he was willing. I needed that at the time. I really like the assistance at the oncologist office. They are willingvto find out answers they dont know. They are willing to tell me they dont know.  That is really important.