Personality changes

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Has anyone experienced big changes in your personality?  I know there is chemo brain but how has that affected you and did it end? 

My bf had 40 rads and 3 Cisplatins.  He had an emergency tracheostomy and feeding tube. I know a ton of changes has come his way and I know he is trying to figure out a way to maneuver through life without alcohol and cigs and also a life with cancer.  I get that this has been alot in a short amount of time.  We are nearing 6 months post tx.  I was expecting changes. 

 

 

What I wasnt expecting was such a drastic change. Many of the things he loved before, he now doesnt. Hes blindsided me with saying he doesnt love me anymore and may want to move out.  Hes on Zoloft for anxiety early on in tx and reguses therapy.  I am going to discuss with doc when we see him in a couple of weeks.  Ive read some cognitive changes happen from tx.  Anyone experience this and if so is it reversible?  Any insight is much appreciated

Hes on Zoloft 

Comments

  • momall25ofu
    momall25ofu Member Posts: 81 Member
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    PClark21st, I wish I could

    PClark21st, I wish I could help, but haven't been that path yet.  So, I wanted to say hang in there.  I know my husband is struggling with crazy feelings and thoughts.  Have patience with him.  This too shall pass. 

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    PClark21st, I wish I could

    PClark21st, I wish I could help, but haven't been that path yet.  So, I wanted to say hang in there.  I know my husband is struggling with crazy feelings and thoughts.  Have patience with him.  This too shall pass. 

    Thanks for the note.  Im

    Thanks for the note.  Im surprised that out of 111 reads on this post not a one has experienced any petsonality changes when I read it seems a common problem from chemo.  Im just concerned about the total flip.  Hes really almost like a totally different person

  • johnsonbl
    johnsonbl Member Posts: 266 Member
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    Thanks for the note.  Im

    Thanks for the note.  Im surprised that out of 111 reads on this post not a one has experienced any petsonality changes when I read it seems a common problem from chemo.  Im just concerned about the total flip.  Hes really almost like a totally different person

    I didn't have chemo...

    And my personality hasn't changed to the extent of your husbands...  But I certainly look at life differently than I did before my diagnosis.  Before cancer I was immortal...I had never had any sort of serious health issue...I rarely caught colds.

    Being diagnosed and treated for this has changed my outlook on life.  I am now unhappy/unfullfilled in a job that was just fine for me before.  I was happy to sit around on a weekend and hang out with my family, watching tv.  I now hate doing that...A day spent being lazy and watching tv is a day wasted...I could be outside, fishing or doing something.  I still obviuosly love being with my family.  I am keenly aware that at 43 I now am likely on the 2nd half of my life.  I get irritated more easily when I feel like I'm wasting a beautiful day or when my family would rather do something that I don't want to do.

    It's nothing I can't deal with however, as I said before...not as extreme as what you and your husband are going through.  Therapy is your best route...if things weren't perfect before the big C it could certainly be bringing those things out to a greater extent now.

    Also, I know that with HPV related disease there can be feelings of resentment toward a partner re: where the person got the HPV virus.  In non-HPV related disease caused by smoking or alcohol it's not uncommon for the patient to want to distance themselves from an environment that encouraged the smoking and drinking.  Again, not aware of your situation...therapy is really the best option moving forward.

    Good luck.

    Brandon

  • mehrdad357
    mehrdad357 Member Posts: 66
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    Thanks for the note.  Im

    Thanks for the note.  Im surprised that out of 111 reads on this post not a one has experienced any petsonality changes when I read it seems a common problem from chemo.  Im just concerned about the total flip.  Hes really almost like a totally different person

    Hello Pclark21st,

    Hello Pclark21st,

     

    2 things:  1) As far as I know and have experienced chemo brain does not cause drastic personality changes,

    like the ones your partner is experiencing. Do a search for Chemo Brain and Mayo Clinic. You see a

    listing all symptoms of Chemo brain and none of them even remotely mentions Personality change.

    2) Do a google on cancer and personality change and you will find many relevent matches. Some of which

    I experienced myself, starting about 3 months post treatment (About February 2017), and ending (January 2018).

    I was diagnosed with recurrence of my Base of tongue cancer on 8/2/18, and so far no personality changes except

    that I am extremeley disappointed in medical community for being so "Dense" that there has not been any significant

    improvement in cancer treatment since about late 1940s (I have done a lot of research into history of cancer research).

    I evren contacted Paul Davies early this month and asked him if he has any clinical trials and he siad not yet, and that

    I should go with traditional treatments as of this time.  I am also very angry at cancer, and the fact of why me?

    I can go on, but I think you get the general idea.

    I can discuss with you certain personality changes that I had starting Sept. 2017 and ending January 2018,

    that I think may help you see his brehaviour from a different pespective, but not on a public forum like this.

     

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    johnsonbl said:

    I didn't have chemo...

    And my personality hasn't changed to the extent of your husbands...  But I certainly look at life differently than I did before my diagnosis.  Before cancer I was immortal...I had never had any sort of serious health issue...I rarely caught colds.

    Being diagnosed and treated for this has changed my outlook on life.  I am now unhappy/unfullfilled in a job that was just fine for me before.  I was happy to sit around on a weekend and hang out with my family, watching tv.  I now hate doing that...A day spent being lazy and watching tv is a day wasted...I could be outside, fishing or doing something.  I still obviuosly love being with my family.  I am keenly aware that at 43 I now am likely on the 2nd half of my life.  I get irritated more easily when I feel like I'm wasting a beautiful day or when my family would rather do something that I don't want to do.

    It's nothing I can't deal with however, as I said before...not as extreme as what you and your husband are going through.  Therapy is your best route...if things weren't perfect before the big C it could certainly be bringing those things out to a greater extent now.

    Also, I know that with HPV related disease there can be feelings of resentment toward a partner re: where the person got the HPV virus.  In non-HPV related disease caused by smoking or alcohol it's not uncommon for the patient to want to distance themselves from an environment that encouraged the smoking and drinking.  Again, not aware of your situation...therapy is really the best option moving forward.

    Good luck.

    Brandon

    Thanks for the note.  I am

    Thanks for the note.  I am just baffled hiw he gas become so completely different.  Before and during tx he has asked me repeatedly to marry him so when he talks about leaving its like who is this person.  He used to love sitting at the beach and being involved with our beach club, he even held a position...now he says hes checked out.  He used to love fishing, now he still goes, but doesnt enjoy it much.  The only thing that gas stayed intact is his love to play softball.  Hes irritated very quickly when he used to be so funny and good humored.  I really do understand that so much has changed for him so quickly...i did alot of research before posting this and there is evidence of behavorial changes.  Thanks for reply.  Im hoping oncol can convince him to talk to someone.  Good luck with your journey

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    Hello Pclark21st,

    Hello Pclark21st,

     

    2 things:  1) As far as I know and have experienced chemo brain does not cause drastic personality changes,

    like the ones your partner is experiencing. Do a search for Chemo Brain and Mayo Clinic. You see a

    listing all symptoms of Chemo brain and none of them even remotely mentions Personality change.

    2) Do a google on cancer and personality change and you will find many relevent matches. Some of which

    I experienced myself, starting about 3 months post treatment (About February 2017), and ending (January 2018).

    I was diagnosed with recurrence of my Base of tongue cancer on 8/2/18, and so far no personality changes except

    that I am extremeley disappointed in medical community for being so "Dense" that there has not been any significant

    improvement in cancer treatment since about late 1940s (I have done a lot of research into history of cancer research).

    I evren contacted Paul Davies early this month and asked him if he has any clinical trials and he siad not yet, and that

    I should go with traditional treatments as of this time.  I am also very angry at cancer, and the fact of why me?

    I can go on, but I think you get the general idea.

    I can discuss with you certain personality changes that I had starting Sept. 2017 and ending January 2018,

    that I think may help you see his brehaviour from a different pespective, but not on a public forum like this.

     

    Thank you for your reply.   I

    Thank you for your reply.   I have done alot of research and there are studies of behavorial changes after cancer treatment...but Google never went through them.  Thats why I rely on this site to give me insight from people who have been there, done that.  Lol  I know researched all that they presentrd to us and then relied on them to give us their best options.  So far we gave been very lucky with our medical team.  Sorry you hsve not found a comforting fit for you...I know having confidence in what they are saying makes all the difference.  Good luck on your journey

  • donfoo
    donfoo Member Posts: 1,771 Member
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    changes - yes

    My outlook and priorities in life changed a lot after recovering from cancer treatment. Fortunately, for the better. Every day is a gift, I take each day as it comes. It is always a fine day or a less fine day but never a horrible day. Just have to remember some of those days/ hours struggling through treatments.

    It is a life altering event, no way around that. For the most part, those here report a brighter experience. I suspect there are those with experiences like yours that probably don't bother visiting here as they are checking out rather than checking in. Encourage him to get some help to sort through this period in his life.

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    donfoo said:

    changes - yes

    My outlook and priorities in life changed a lot after recovering from cancer treatment. Fortunately, for the better. Every day is a gift, I take each day as it comes. It is always a fine day or a less fine day but never a horrible day. Just have to remember some of those days/ hours struggling through treatments.

    It is a life altering event, no way around that. For the most part, those here report a brighter experience. I suspect there are those with experiences like yours that probably don't bother visiting here as they are checking out rather than checking in. Encourage him to get some help to sort through this period in his life.

    Thank you for your reply.  I

    Thank you for your reply.  I was expecting changes as you described.  I thought he would be cherish each new day and I thought with a clearer head from the absence of alcohol.  I know this has changed me as a caregiver, so it has to have greatly affected him.  He was 2 days away from a coffin, went through tx, gave up 2 strong addictions...it has to be difficult to meet his new self.  I just dont want him to lose his way while trying to figure this all out.  Its good to hear from other people who have actually experienced this.  I am a forever optimist and want to garner all the info I can to help him.  Thank you.

  • ProustLover
    ProustLover Member Posts: 121 Member
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    Alcohol withdrawal has a

    Alcohol withdrawal has a powerful impact on a person's thought patterns and behavior.  Especially if the decision to quit was compelled by outside forces rather than an an existential decision.  I seriously think it would be helpful to include an alcohol counselor in your quest for answers.  I've had family and firends who've faced cancer, and some who've faced giving up alcohol.   The biggest "personality changes" I've seen have been in folks learning to live without taking a drink.  

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,309 Member
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    Major

    All you folks are going through are major life changes.

    I did my share of drinking and smoking but now do neither.

    Stopped drinking 15 years ago and after you're off of it past the strong urge for a drink you're past the worst period. But after that, your boyfriend will find he has a lot of spare time he has to fill up where he used to always use that time for drinking. Find a church to attend and help out or volunteer somewhere if he doesn't have hobbies to fill in the time.

    Smoked for many years but quit the beginning of my cancer treatment. I don't miss the alcohol but sure get the urge for a cigar once in awhile but would never start smoking again after all the good work all the medical people put forth for me. Like my Radiation doctor said "This is a One-shot deal you don't want to smoke again.

    My advice he must use common sense and realize he has been off the stuff for 6 months he is over the worst withdrawal and urges now is the time to start anew and plan a life with many new changes without smokes and alcohol. Cancer treatment and the recovery period is enough to deal with. God Bless & Good Luck.

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    Alcohol withdrawal has a

    Alcohol withdrawal has a powerful impact on a person's thought patterns and behavior.  Especially if the decision to quit was compelled by outside forces rather than an an existential decision.  I seriously think it would be helpful to include an alcohol counselor in your quest for answers.  I've had family and firends who've faced cancer, and some who've faced giving up alcohol.   The biggest "personality changes" I've seen have been in folks learning to live without taking a drink.  

    Yes, thank you, I think that

    Yes, thank you, I think that's it mostly.  I have an appt with one next week.  I do think its a combination of alot of things.  Just wanted to do my research here as well.  Thanks for note.

  • Pclark21st
    Pclark21st Member Posts: 126
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    wbcgaruss said:

    Major

    All you folks are going through are major life changes.

    I did my share of drinking and smoking but now do neither.

    Stopped drinking 15 years ago and after you're off of it past the strong urge for a drink you're past the worst period. But after that, your boyfriend will find he has a lot of spare time he has to fill up where he used to always use that time for drinking. Find a church to attend and help out or volunteer somewhere if he doesn't have hobbies to fill in the time.

    Smoked for many years but quit the beginning of my cancer treatment. I don't miss the alcohol but sure get the urge for a cigar once in awhile but would never start smoking again after all the good work all the medical people put forth for me. Like my Radiation doctor said "This is a One-shot deal you don't want to smoke again.

    My advice he must use common sense and realize he has been off the stuff for 6 months he is over the worst withdrawal and urges now is the time to start anew and plan a life with many new changes without smokes and alcohol. Cancer treatment and the recovery period is enough to deal with. God Bless & Good Luck.

    Thank you for note.  I agree,

    Thank you for note.  I agree, he has been smoking and drinking since he was a teenager and recently it was getting out of control.  Its weird but cancer may have actually saved his life.  I do think hes struggling to find out what to do and how to be without them, and then add the cancer and thats alot .  We luve in a mostly seasonal beach area and most everyone has a drink, and there's parties. Ive stopped drinking with him so hes not the only one to help him with this transition time.  He is involved with his softball teams and he is going through the motions of fishing, and occassionally coming to the beach, so Im hopeful he can get through this slump before he makes erroneous decisions.  Its been helpful with my research to hear other people have gone through the same kind of thing.Thanks for the kind words.