OzarkGal Member Posts: 41
edited June 2018 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Someone else on this board had mentioned the book, Everything happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I Have Loved) by Kate Bowler who is a Professor at Duke Divinity School and diagnosed with Stage 4  Cancer.  I have not yet read the book but want too.  My disclaimer is that I am not a deeply religious person but some of the things she says in her writings really connect with me.  She did a piece for the New York Times where she said, "Cancer requires that I stumble around in a debris of dreams I thought I was entitled to and plans I didn't realize I had made."  I thought, "Yes!  That is how it is for me."


She also has a podcast.  I have listerned to the interview with Alan Alda on doctor-patient communication. I thought it was really good.  Every medical professional should have training on communication (and not the standard textbook kind but  communication with empathy and plain language.) There is also an interview with Lucy Kalanithi (When Breath Becomes Air). 


I don't know what the worst thing anyone has said to you regarding your illness but for me it came from my own brother.  After I told him that I have stage 4 colon cancer and would likey die from it (many tumors in the liver), he told me that it was God's Plan that I die.  I think that is a crummy thing to say to someone. 


  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member

    I like your post. Great information. I too want to read the book by Kate Bowler.  I have When Breath Becomes Air, but have not read it. 

    As for your brother; maybe it was his way of protecting himself from the shock of your prognosis.  People react in weird ways, that are out of character. Of course  It may have been a knee jerk comment. Not helpful to you, of course. 

    I've had some wild comments over the years, can't remember any of them. Blanked them out. HA! 

    Anyway, thank you for a great post. 


  • BRHMichigan
    BRHMichigan Member Posts: 368
    Haven't finished the book yet

    I recommended the book awhile back but haven't finished it quite yet! I'm currently reading 4 books. Hope to finish all soon. My 'cancer' life keeps me preoccupied with monitoring my sugar, taking supplements and drugs, endless appointments... you all know. Just hard to find down time to read some weeks. But I think it's so important to be inspired by survivors of CRC. 

    What an awful thing your brother said. I personally don't believe God's plan would include taking any of us in this way. Man has done so much to pollute this planet, and our food is pretty useless. Regaining our health takes effort. I'd like to think God has given us some tools to improve our odds and feel better. 

    Ozark, thank you for reminding me to finish this book!

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member

    I've not heard of the podcast but thank you for mentioning it.  The worst things I've been told are by people of my own family also.  "You look so good for what you are going through" and then walk away to talk to someone else and my brother that said "wow you don't look like you have problems."  People say the meanest things but I'm not sure they even realize it.  I'm very careful though or try to be.  Sorry to hear what your brother said but like mine, he probably didn't mean it.  It's hard to hear, but sometimes they are insensitive.