My sweet Auntie Lou Lou

rosebudlisa62

My dear Aunt Lou passed away from complications of lung cancer in July 2015. I think of her so often. Life just hasn't been the same without her in it. I know she is in heaven and not in pain and that's what gets me through. I know I will see her again one day.  I feel guilty at times because about a month before her death, I got mad at her for needing me so much.   How selfish was I? My Mom and I took turns staying with her at her place and caring for her. She ended up getting very ill and had to be hospitalized. She spent her last few weeks in an assisted living facility because she was so weak. She was trying so very hard to get her strength back so she could take another Chemo treatment. It just saddens me so much to think of what she went through at the end of her life. Now both my Mom and I wish we would have brought her home and let her be in her own  place.   I love you, Aunt Lou. I'm sorry.

JerzyGrrl

Dear Rose Bud -

Dear Rose Bud, 

So sorry for your loss. Even though it's been nearly three years, there's no magic wand that makes it "all better."

I think all caregivers (and many family and friends who weren't caregivers) play the woulda-coulda-shoulda game to some degree: "I wish I'd/we'd [fill in the blank]. We are humans who only have so much energy, strength, time and focus. Even the Energizer Bunny only has to do its thing until the director says it's a take. Then they switch him off to save his batteries. 

I'm pretty sure you did the best you figured you could do at the time. Were you mostly on good terms with your aunt? Working with your mom to care for her, I imagine you were. You can write a letter, sing a song, pray a prayer, any number of things to tell her how much you appreciated her (and still do), special things you remember that you shared. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself of what you learned from her, especially through caring for her. 

All the best --

rosebudlisa62

Awww...thank you JerzyGrrl

I was very close to my Aunt. I hope she knows I would have done almost anything for her. She taught me alot and I have great memories of her that I hold close to my heart....that helps some. Sure miss her though. Thanks for your kind words.