Just lost my husband to HCC

bonaire110
bonaire110 Member Posts: 3

On April 26, my husband died at home. This was a man who was incredibly diligent about his health care - annual physicals, blood tests, colonoscopies, endoscopies, the works. He had hig blood pressure and AFIB, which were monitored and managed well by medication. We lived (although we didn't like it much) on a 5 acre "farm" in rural Tennessee, but he had specialists in the best hospitals near and in Nashville. He had no history of drinking or hepatitis, had no family history of cancer of any kind, did not smoke and was active. At the beginning of February, he went to the doctor because he said his abdomen felt bloated and he had some abdominal pain. On February 26, ten days before the birth of our first grandchild, he was diagnosed with primary liver cancer, but was told that although he was not a candidate for resection or transplant, he was definitely a candidate for an immunological clinical therapy trial that had had good results. On April 2, the oncologist said "never mind", that he wasn't a candidate for anything but palliative care. We got into the Mayo Clinic on April 5 for testing and a second opinion. We heard the worst. He spent a week with his new grandson in Arizona, we came home to Tennessee on April 18th and he died at home on the 26th.

The oncologists told us is was like someone never exposed to smoking getting lung cancer. They also told us they had no answer for why he got this, why nothing had ever been detected earlier, and that they had never seen anyone go from diagnosis to death so quickly.  It is as if he was hit by a truck or lightening. We were together for 40 years. He was 69 when he died.

I am having the worst possible time, of course. I can't believe he is gone. I am angry that no one saw something before it was too late. I have told my children that they cannot get wrapped up in that anger because it is too late, it won't bring dad back and it will tear them apart. I don't know where to begin. I have virtually no friends here in this backwoods rural area where all I hear is that "he went home to Jesus" or "he is in a better place"...no, folks, his better place was with me and his family. I don't know where to start assembling, let alone picking up, the pieces of my life without him. It has been nearly a month since I heard his voice, heard him laugh and gazed into his eyes. 

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope and pray that no one has to go through this so quickly, although for him, the speed was a blessing since I know he had no pain. For me, the pain is just beginning. 

Comments

  • OzarkGal
    OzarkGal Member Posts: 41
    Very Sorry

    Very Sorry you are going through this.  It sounds like he was deeply loved and that is something very special - not everyone finds in life.  Cancer is a cruel and horrible disease.

  • bonaire110
    bonaire110 Member Posts: 3
    OzarkGal said:

    Very Sorry

    Very Sorry you are going through this.  It sounds like he was deeply loved and that is something very special - not everyone finds in life.  Cancer is a cruel and horrible disease.

    Thank you

    Thank you so much for your comment, OxarkGal. I am blessed and privileged to say that no one ever met him who didn't like/respect/admire/love him...in 40 years, I can honestly say (with no rose-colored glasses on!) that I never heard anyone speak ill of him. I am just pretty lost without him...and yes, cancer is cruel and horrible. And indiscriminate, which is why his wish was that donations in his name go to St. Jude so that children could be helped. We are blessed that so far over $2000 has been raised in his name for the kids, a true testament to his legacy.  I just wish I knew how this happened and how it was missed by every doctor and specialist until it was too late. I will not let anger eatme up because it doesn't really matter - finding out the who or why will not bring him back. But the questioning lingers.

  • Limbata
    Limbata Member Posts: 3
    Sympathy

    I really feel for you. Two months following diagnosis is no time at all. I expect your late husband was as equally shocked by the diagnosis and prognosis when he was hit with it. My experience of being found to have exactly this cancer could well have replicated your story too. I had an inexplicably growing mass which my GP immediately suspected was cancer. Here in the UK, we are supposed to be seen by a relevant consultant within two weeks of GP referral. Suffice to say, once in the hospital system, the last place I was seen was where I should have been! Meanwhile I know something is rapidly growing and trying to kill me. near enough 6 months pass and I get offered an op a week in advance of  the one scheduled to take place (still no proper diagnosis, by th way!). I take it, have half my liver removed and then told from histology that it was HCC. Whilst I was in hospital I had good care but once sent home, I may as well be like you on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Support? What's that? Information? Where? I have found quite a bit of information for myself but this is no consolation. People don't undertand. People don't realise how close to death I have been or what the ongoing issues I face are. I have a huge scar that will never stop hurting. This is a different kind of hurting to yours but I know that living a blame free, clean life doesn't protect us from cancer of any form. Make the most of your own life, honour your husband's memory but do not waste it crying.