I am terrified and alone

Kathy_MK

I don't have a cancer diagnosis yet and I hope it is OK for me to post here. I have alarge hard lump in my groin/pelvis and was referred to a surgical oncologist and saw her 2 days ago. I had a CAT yesterday and am awaitingher call...she said 24-48 hours and I'm sure every person on this vorad knows how I feel. Every cell in my body is on high alert, I am in a state of panic and have been for the past 3 days.  I'm as scared as if I was about to be dropped off a cliff and my body and my mind are utterly exhaused. I can barely eat. The only symptom I have is the growth (tumor) and the pressure and discomfort from that. I was feeling fine otherwise, until the terror set in. I have anxiety and depression that I take medication for anyway but they are not up to combatting the feelings coursing through my body. I don't have a close friend I can talk to, I have talked to a family member and my therapist. I will tell my closest friend when I know for sure. But my friend and family live too far away to support with on a daily basis. I don't have any good friends locally, just a handful of aquaintances. My manager at work - who I thought would be understanding - was not. he was cold and uncaring. 

The waiting is breaking me down. I inly expect the very worst news. 

 

I don;t know there's anything anyone can say to help but I am trying anything I can to calm myself down so I can make it thru until I hear from the doctor. 

 

thanks for reading. 

cmb

Waiting is hard

I think that most people would agree that waiting to hear if you have cancer or not is very stressful, even for those who don't suffer from the anxiety and depression that you do. I really hope that you hear very soon about your CT-scan. But bear in mind that even if a growth is seen on the scan, it may not be able to be identified as cancer without further testing or surgery, as your doctor recommends. Try to take this one step at a time, even though I know that you're feeling very worried right now.

If you do find out that you have cancer, please ask your doctor if there are any cancer support groups locally that you can touch bases with. My hospital has a number of resources for its cancer patients -- all of which are free to the patient. They include discussion groups, exercise classes, treatment support, etc. They may help you feel less isolated during this time.

And if you do need cancer treatment, please consider posting about your diagnosis and treatment on the cancer-specific board that matches the cancer type. Some boards are more active than others, but all provide support to their members.

 

po18guy

Slow down just a bit

Let's assume that it is an iInguinal (groin) lymph node. They are somewhat larger than those elesewhere in the body. They are located strategically in an area of the body that is susceptible to infection. It is a huge leap from an enlarged node to thinking that you are dying of cancer. if your lymph nodes did not react to pathogens and enlarge, you would succumb to common infection in 2-3 weeks.

As a child, remember when doctor felt around your jaw line and underarms? Doctor was not looking for cancer, but the signs of common infection: reactive lymph nodes. If you are Googling, please stop! As to your fear, I do not know what to say. You will have enlarged lymph nodes from time to time for the rest of your life. At this point, you do not have cancer - you have anxiety. Clearly, it is not well controlled. I would call your therapist and/or doctor today.

Kathryn in Houston

Waiting is very hard..

I do understand.. I have been in your shoes. I was alone as well through it ALL! The people I did tell (not many) didn't understand. How can they unless they've experienced it themselves. Try not to hold it against them. However it made me a really strong woman! I made it through it all BY MYSELF. My mottos is, don't worry unless they tell you to. The key is to keep your mind busy. When you stay busy you don't think about it as much. Sitting around the house is the worst thing you can do. My Dr. told me once... More that 90% of the lumps and bumps you feel are NOT cancer. The good news is the treatment has come so far. Stay busy my friend. Even if you just go to the mall and window shop. Get out of the house! Go to a movie! You MUST EAT. M.D. Anderson told me something once. Food is your medicine and they were so right!!!!! The best thing to do now is eat right, get some exercise and get plenty of sleep. I take pilates and it has really changed my life. I hope this helps. Keep us updated please.