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marosa

Sketical Realist, Your attitude is very brave and touching

I admire you and wish you well every possible way. Yes life is full of surprises.  In my case I confused all the signs my body and mind were giving me.  Anxiety and pending doom I believed was due to my long history of panic attacks mixed with empty nest syndrome, menopause, moving from France back to my country after having left 25 years ago and my husbands difficulty getting used to retirement and living for the firts time abroad.  The pain in my back was nothing new as I did a lot of aerobics in the 80's on hard surfaces and also have a little scoliosis.  Night sweats were weird because I was on hormone therapy and I was frequently wondering if getting close to 60 was a reason one got tired very easely.  Everyone kind of made fun about my panic... cut to a complete check up I decided on having on July 2014.  An ultra sound detected a mass and the rest is in my bio.   I was very scared and waiting for the op I used to walk the streets thinking I was already in another dimension or planet.  But I didn't break in pieces.  I don't think of it every single day and not always with the same intensity or fear but it is there and I have more or less learned to live with this.  I want to enjoy my life, worrying will only lessen my joy so I do the best I can.   I come here less often than years before due to the same reasons but I do come and I post here and there.  Will never forget how important this network was for me.  And while I care for all because we share all so much, there are some very special people here that have become inmensely dear to my heart.   May you all be well

AnnissaP

I had a horrible kidney

I had a horrible kidney infection and for 1 yr after kept having the same symptoms. I had a couple of ultrasounds bc during that time they found a cyst. Last August they actually ended up seeing the tumor during the routine ultrasound. I had been completely and utterly exhausted since last June until my surgery in November. To the point all I did was sleep and all of my muscles were burning and weak when I was up and awake. I also had a weird pinching pain in my side/kidney area for about 1 yr prior to the tumor being found.

foroughsh

SkepticalRealist said:

Life is full of surprises

I've just joined this site and it's the first time I've discussed my condition with anyone outside my family so please be patient and forgive some of my unconventional opinions. A few days before Christmas 2015 I had a heart attack that lasted 3 days ,but I thought it was just bad indegestion , so took myself to my local GP , and before I knew it I was being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Over the next week or so they did all the test's and scan necessary to determine the extent of my heart problem , but it doing so they also found I had stage 4 renal cell cancer , presenting as a tumor on my kidney (approx 40%),but it had also spread to my lungs and bone. Up to this point I'd always considered myself reasonably healthy without any obvious symptoms apart from the odd runny nose and an intermittent cough now and then. I suspect that unlike most people my reaction was a little unusual , I wasn't shocked or scared , I just accepted that it was a natural part of the life process and I needed to face it and get on with living. Thanks to the therapies they put me on I've already extended my survival beyond the 18 months they gave me , but it comes at a price and untimately the current therapies available to me will become ineffective , so my mortality becomes a recurring issue , intruding into my thoughts at the oddest times , but particularly when I'm having a bad day suffering the side-effects of my medications. Thanks to the love and care provided by my family I find my situation managable , but I worry about the stress and worry I'm putting them through when they see me at my worst , struggling to do the most basic things. Now my thinking is that quality of life is more important than quantity , and I intend to enjoy whatever time I have left making new memories with my family while I can , even if that means foregoing some of the treatments available to me if the success rate is low and the toxic side-effects debilitating . Ultimately death awaits me , but I don't fear it because I know there is so much more beyond this mortal life , and I look forward to the peace and quiet that awaits me as I continue along the path of discovery in the next life.

Skeptical realist

Skeptical realist

You're attitude is very strong, I love to finally be able to have such attitude,  you're in my thoughts and prayers. Tell us more about how you reached such attitude please

Wehavenotimeatall

SkepticalRealist said:

Life is full of surprises

I've just joined this site and it's the first time I've discussed my condition with anyone outside my family so please be patient and forgive some of my unconventional opinions. A few days before Christmas 2015 I had a heart attack that lasted 3 days ,but I thought it was just bad indegestion , so took myself to my local GP , and before I knew it I was being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Over the next week or so they did all the test's and scan necessary to determine the extent of my heart problem , but it doing so they also found I had stage 4 renal cell cancer , presenting as a tumor on my kidney (approx 40%),but it had also spread to my lungs and bone. Up to this point I'd always considered myself reasonably healthy without any obvious symptoms apart from the odd runny nose and an intermittent cough now and then. I suspect that unlike most people my reaction was a little unusual , I wasn't shocked or scared , I just accepted that it was a natural part of the life process and I needed to face it and get on with living. Thanks to the therapies they put me on I've already extended my survival beyond the 18 months they gave me , but it comes at a price and untimately the current therapies available to me will become ineffective , so my mortality becomes a recurring issue , intruding into my thoughts at the oddest times , but particularly when I'm having a bad day suffering the side-effects of my medications. Thanks to the love and care provided by my family I find my situation managable , but I worry about the stress and worry I'm putting them through when they see me at my worst , struggling to do the most basic things. Now my thinking is that quality of life is more important than quantity , and I intend to enjoy whatever time I have left making new memories with my family while I can , even if that means foregoing some of the treatments available to me if the success rate is low and the toxic side-effects debilitating . Ultimately death awaits me , but I don't fear it because I know there is so much more beyond this mortal life , and I look forward to the peace and quiet that awaits me as I continue along the path of discovery in the next life.

Love and Hugs

you have had a very tough run

i find it very hard to read your story as I know I could never be as strong and positive as you

and that says so much about you

i wish you the best and hope we can assist you here at any time of day or night

there are some amazing people here

Annie