Relate to others

Tired and sad

I have read some of the various post on this forum and am so grateful to know know that others are going through the ups and down of this caregiving process. I knew it in my head but so nice to actually read others posts that I can actually relate to. I was at my wit's end last week, the stress was almost unbearable I could literally feel it taking over my body. I think I may have posted something similar in another thread. Not sure what I'm doing on this site yet! My husband has stage 4 lung cancer and it has metastasized to his brain where he has several tumors as well as a couple in his lung.  He is receiving immunotherapy. He has previously had a brain tumor removed and had the middle section of his right lung removed where there was a lung tumor. After that he received radiation treatment, chemo, gamma knife,  chemo, and whole brain radiation. I think the whole brain radiation has perhaps caused him some memory and confusion problems. Sometimes he doesn't realize that this is his house and he lives here or even that I am his wife. I am his only caregiver so I am with him pretty much 24/7. I do try to get out occasionally and have some time for myself. Although when I do I usually am worried about him. He has a tendency to get dehydrated and when he does he sometimes falls and I'm always worried about him hurting himself when that happens. Trying to get him to drink water or something that is hydrating just causes a huge fight. He's pretty much addicted to Coke.  His appetite is not that great but he will consume four or five boosts daily. Lately it seems like all he does is pretty much sleep. He lays on the couch and watches TV or sleeps. He is starting to be a little unsteady on his feet from laying down so much he doesn't really get any exercise. I hate that I get so frustrated with him when he hollers at me to go get him something or hollers at me to just ask a question that I think he should remember or know. Especially when I tell him the answer and then he argues about it. I hate when I snap back at him.  I know at some point I am going to wish he was here to argue with. I am dreading when that time comes.  He has been my husband for 22 years. I love him to pieces and don't know how I will manage without him-not he is my best friend. Just wish there were more of the fun and pleasant days! 

ClaCla

Hang in There

So sorry you are going through all this.  It's really important that you take time for yourself routinely, so that you can stay healthy and sane and be able to continue to care for your husband.  Do you have people that can stay with him while you take a respite without having to worry about him being alone -- even if it's just to go in another room and read or relax.  I think one of the biggest fears is to lose our spouses or significant others, so my heart breaks for you.  What are you doing to manage the stress?  I'm the person who had the cancer, rather than the caregiver, and I've been reading about "practicing being present" in this moment -- not thinking about the past or the future.  I think that's pretty much how all of us get through these tough times with cancer.  I'm glad you are using this site for support.  Please don't hesitate to private message me if you ever need an ear.  No reason to go through this alone.  God bless.