Fed up

I’m becoming quite fed up but have never considered myself a quitter. 

My husband has non Hodgkin lymphoma complicated by his type 1 diabetes. He was diagnosed after one year of us being married ( both our second marriages)

he has been going through weekly chemotherapy for over a year now. It’s gotten to the point its too much and starting to aggravate his diabetes. As a result he had pancreatitis, detached retina, removed his gallbladder, and horrible celluLitis And refuses to take care of himself.

He has been diagnosed with chronic cancer and will now start monthly maintenance chemotherapy.

This has drained our finances 

but my main problem is that he is miserable and mean!  For the last year I’ve been living with an Ahole 

he was always argumentative being a deference attorney and all  but I used to be able to handle him  

his mentalily handicapped sister lives with us and requires a lot of care  I do a lot but frankly he does not appreciate me and he doesn’t seem to think this has affected me in anyway because I’ve kept up with my friends and hobby  

I’m not sure what to do anymore I’m getting mad at him  I really think this has changed him  

btw I’m a support worker and have worked with many cancer patients who were not as nasty as him at times  

i am so patient with him   Friends and family have all pointed out how patient I am despite him lashing out and being mean  




  • k2oly
    k2oly Member Posts: 13
    edited April 2018 #2
    sounds familiar -sigh-


    i hear ya. i have many moments of thinking "i can't take this anymore"! it's excruciating to experience this vicious cruelty that is apparently so common among cancer patients. there times when i feel so overwhelmed and hopeless because i know it isn't going to get better. my person has stage 4 and probably doesn't have much longer. she has far outlived the original prognosis and i'm glad she's getting to do some things on her bucket list. yet there are times when i look forward to the relief of having this awful, mean, bitter, abrasive, aggressive crap be over with. it can't be any fun for her. she probably doesn't realize she's doing it, but if everything is so awful in her reality then she must be feeling pretty miserable about all the useless people in her life.

    is there a chance that your hubby will recover? i mean, if this is just the usual (although an extreme instance of) cognitive crap that many cancer patients have, is there a chance that he'll go into remission and be his old self again? if so, are there ways that you can step back a bit (at least from time-to-time) in order to continue being in the relationship?

    i ask that because sometimes the only way i can maintain the relationship is to step back/away for a while. there are times when i just know that if i stay close, i'll flip my lid. so i step back and only check in from a distance. there are times when i bail on activities with her saying "i'm not up to it". the implication is that i'm not physically feeling up to it, but the reality is that i'm not emotionally/psychologically feeling up to it. i don't live with my person, so doing this gives me time to sort of hibernate and recoup a bit before having exposure again. i suspect that's different if you live together. (gawd, i don't know if i could handle this crap if i lived with my person!) is there a way that you can get alone time and space for your own sake?


  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    I hear you.  Especially when

    I hear you.  Especially when you wrote "but my main problem is that he is miserable and mean!".

    My wife, before she was diagnosed with cancer, was awful to live with.  She called the police on me 12-15 times
    and accused me of all sorts of bad things.  Those were very difficult days.  The only thing that kept
    me sane was going to the gym and talking to friends and family.  It sounds small and simple, but if I didnt exercise,
    my wife would start berating me and I had a hard time putting up with her rage.  If I exercised, she could yell and
    accuse me of something bad and it wouldnt bother me at all.  Talking with friends and family helps as well and it
    sounds like your doing that and your family recognizes your patience.

    Take time for yourself.  Eat healthy.  Exercise.  Take small trips.  I would take my kids places just to get out and
    away and find peace.