New member asking for help

Hello everyone,

I don't know where to start.  My father was diagnosed with NSC stage 3A lung cancer in June.  I moved back to Michigan to help my sister take care of him and spend time with both him and my sister.  He has had chemo, radiation, and now a lung lobectomy.  He is 3 weeks post op.  His oncologist said he is "cured".  

My question is he is depressed and will not do anything.  He sleeps all day, and refuses to do any of the breathing treatments, walking or exercises.  Both his surgeon and oncologist told him that it is very important to do these things to heal and get his lungs working again.  We know he is depressed and he has started medications for that.  I am feeling resentful that he has been given a second chance at life and he is choosing to do nothing with it.

I know the surgery and recovery is difficult and can take several months to get even close to normal.

We are just wondering what we can do to get him to wake up and enjoy this gift he has been given.

There is more to the story as far as disfuncition, but I would rather not talk about that.  I would just like to know what we can do, if anything, to help him.  We are both burnt out as caregivers, we went through this with the chemo and radiation.  It just feels like we have to give him the will to live, and we can't, he has to find that himself. If anyone has any similar situation or advice, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you all, I hope if nothing else this can give someone hope that you can beat late stage lung cancer!


  • ClaCla
    ClaCla Member Posts: 136
    Just be there for him

    If his doctor is aware of the depression and he is being treated for it, I would think all you can do is offer your love and support.  Three weeks post-op, after having gone through treatments as well, is still pretty early.  He's still physically down and going through some depression.  When he starts feeling better, he will hopefully be ready to start crossing off items from his bucket list.  It might help too if you find a local cancer support group.

    By the way, I'm pretty sure his cancer cannot be considered cured until he's made it five years without a recurrence.  For the first couple of years, best to hope for is No Evidence of Disease.  And I don't know what it's called between three and five years, perhaps remission.  

    He's lucky to have you and your sister to help him through this.  God bless.