I have made my decision

Lily Flower

I had my 6th treatment out of 8 of Oxaliplatin via IV drip yesterday. Since my 5th one 3 weeks ago I had been contemplating of stop my treatment after #6. Although I don't have numbness on my fingers and toes but I do feel somewhat numbness sensation go through my hands when I tap on any hard surface. I don't want to be progressed to permanently. My hair has been thinning out a bit where the dividing line is a bit scarcely shown. My friends said it's not noticeable but I do. I know I sound vain.

So yesterday I discussed my concerns with my oncologist who is very empathetic. He said he really would like me to finish all my 8 treatments because it will prevent cancer from returning. I guess it's like the parallel treatment of antibiotics. Even though we feel better from pain or infection after few days of taking the antibiotics but we're instructed to finish it all in order to be effective. He did however reduced another 10% and what a difference it made. Although I did feel drowsy and a bit tired after I got home so I took a nap. when I woke up this early morning, courtesy to my spoiled kitty, I actually feel pretty good. I haven't felt any hand and lips spasm and no eye twitching either. 

So with that said, I made my decision that I'm going to be a good girl and finish all my 8 treatments. If I can give 2 births naturally (no epidural) I can do this!

Phil64

Congratulations

Congratulations on making a great decision. No doubt that you can do it! And you will recover nicely and celebrate your decision as well. God Bless!

Phil

Trubrit

Going ahead

When I was going thorugh radiation, the pain was excrusiating. At treatment 24, with just six more to go, I pled with my Rad Onc to let it be my last. He, like your Oncologist, wanted me to finish.  I did, though at great cost with long-term side effects. But you know, even with those side effects, I am so glad I finished the course. It gives you peace of mind, for one. You know you gave it your all. 

As far as hair, it does grow back. I know you know that, and I know how devestating it is too see it all, laying on your pillow when you get up, or lining the bathtub after your bath/shower. Sticking to your clothes, wads of it at times. But look ahead (oh a head - ha!) to when it grows again. Wear your thinning hair like a badge of pride. 

Neuropathy is different. It can be debilitaiting. I still have it in my feet and up to just below my knees and in my finger tips. But, I will take that and LIVE with it because I am alive. 

Good luck with your remaining treatments. Soon you too will be looking back on this experience. 

Tru

Bunny822

Good job!!...

Hi Lily...looks like we are both in the same place with our chemo treatments...I am on same regimen and will have Round #6 of 8 on Monday 12/18/17. I look at it as 3 more to go at this point...yay...and proud of you for forging ahead...my oncologist said last visit "we are going to cure you" music to my ears and the best Christmas present I could hope for...my hair had thinned too but I still have most of my hair as I am sure you do too...I am half Filipino and my hair has been an integral part of my sense of self my entire life...but as Tru said it will grow back. We will give treatment our all to kick this anomaly called cancer. We choose life...i was nauseated 24/7 in the beginning, fatigued as well but MD tweeked dosing as well and I feel pretty good now...I do come home with a pump for 2 days and feel the worst on the Wednesday for pump removal, but 1 day out of 2 wks is not worthy of complaint. I will then get a month off before I begin radiation x 25 treatments. I try to remind myself chemo, radiation is TEMPORARY...end result is we LIVE and hopefully live out our lives to the fullest. My mother had colon cancer in her 70's, had surgery and chemo and lived until she was 91...proof and inspiration that life goes on after treatment. So...we are going to give this our all for now...follow the treatment plan with the end result as a cure and earn the title of Cancer Survivor! Thanks to all for posting your inspirational stories and struggles along the way...we can beat this...proud of you Lily...know that you are not alone in your battle...take care  

Mikenh

That's a tough decision given

That's a tough decision given what I've read from others going through this. My oncologist at DFCI said that 4 was minimum, 8 was maximum and 6 was the sweet spot. I'm not completely sure as to what he meant by that but it's something that I think about. My local oncologist likely has his own ideas and I'll talk to him this week. It's good that they lowered the Oxyliplatin  to a tolerable level and that you can complete eight rounds. Looking at six months of chemo going forward feels daunting at this time for me.

airborne72

Decisions...

I have learned many things in my health challenges (this rectal cancer, previous prostate cancer, two failed spinal fusions) and the most significant is that making a decision is the hardest part.  Once that is accomplished and the plan is established, then the rest of it can be endured.

Through so much of this we have little to no control.  We proceed on faith, and hope and confidence in others and that can be less than reassuring at times, especially when the messages are conflicting or our inner self agonizes over the options.  But the decision is ours to be made and once we collect as much information as possible, compare and contrast the options and then decide on a course of action, a sense of empowerment returns.  At least that has been my experience.

Once the decision has been made it is wise to not look back and second guess it.  That is a waste of energy.  You, me, we made the decision after collecting as much information as possible and comparing options.  That was the best that we could do at the time, so there is no need to second guess it.  Let it be.  Now is the time to execute that option - to do what we decided to do, as best we can.

I remember a motivational quote that was painted on the inside wall of an Army gymnasium at Ft. Bragg.  In my younger years I was close to being superman (in my mind anyway) and I was an avid, dedicated physical fitness person (diet, rest, exercise).  The saying was simple but it had greater meaning for me later in life more so than when I was in my late 30's exercising in that building.  To quote..."fatigue makes cowards of us all."

The purpose for the sign was to motivate young soldiers to condition themselves physically to defer and delay the onset of fatigue so they could make and then execute the tough decisions that they could confront.  I found that it also applies to the balance of our lives, regardless of our occupation or place in life.

For me I agonized months and years about spinal fusion surgery.  Only after I made my decision did I feel a sense of relief, not from the pain but from the paralysis of indecision.  Same same with what options to pursue regarding prostate cancer, as well as my current situation with rectal cancer and adjuvant chemo therapy.

These are difficult decisions with life altering consequence.s  Lily Flower, you made it inspite of the physical pain you are enduring and that which undoubtedly awaits.  But you made the decision and that is paramount!  Fatigue has not made a coward out of you.

Jim

abita

Good for you Lily! It is a

Good for you Lily! It is a hard road. I too have been wondering about finishing the full course. For me, knowing that it spread, I know I have to do as my oncolgist says so that I have the greatest chance to be cured. I imagine it was a hard decision to contemplate. 2 more. You got this!

JanJan63

Good for you! I was going to

Good for you! I was going to stop mine and then I had the blood clot and it was stopped anyway but now that I have mets it makes me wonder. On the other hand, all mets are in the lung that had the clot so is that a coincidence? Anyway, I wouldn't have toughed it out. Good for you for being strong enough to do it!

Jan

Ruthmomto4

You can totally do this!

I agree 2 natural births you can do anything! I am glad having it lowered has helped. Only 2 more that's nothing! 

Annabelle41415

Good

I'm glad that the reduction has made you feel better and you've decided to forge forward with the last two rounds.  It's a hard decision to make to decide to go forward when you're not feeling well.  Your fortunate that your doctor decided to reduce your load as mine wouldn't and now I'm paying the price.  If you feel good with 6, and they have reduced it, I'd think that you keeping up with your symptoms and reporting to your doctor is a good thing.  You did good by letting your doctor know -keep up the good work on informing. 

Kim

darcher

It's best to do as told.

 Just two more and have a party.

I can't say I'm in the same boat.  I'm about to start chemo back up. Not sure why but they decided to have me take just one extra xeloda pill each day and it's for 2 weeks on and one off.  A mere 3500 mg a day. That ain't much.  Do that 6 times which is just over 4 months.  It was going to be 3 weeks on and one off for over 6 months and a much higher dose.  I didn't know about the change until a couple days back when I had the pills picked up.  Cancer is subject to change without notice as I've seen time and again. This is one I'll take.

 The only complaint I have now which I haven't told them about yet is the 30 minute bathroom intervals. That seems petty but it sure as heck keeps me bottled up in the house. From what I read it's something to be expected due to the shortening and rearrangment of my inards.  That will last another 6 weeks or so tops so I'll just have to grin and bear it.  It's too cold outside anyhow.

 

Lily Flower

Phil64 said:

Congratulations

Congratulations on making a great decision. No doubt that you can do it! And you will recover nicely and celebrate your decision as well. God Bless!

Phil

Thank you so much Phil. This

Thank you so much Phil. This indeed is the right decision! 

Lily Flower

Trubrit said:

Going ahead

When I was going thorugh radiation, the pain was excrusiating. At treatment 24, with just six more to go, I pled with my Rad Onc to let it be my last. He, like your Oncologist, wanted me to finish.  I did, though at great cost with long-term side effects. But you know, even with those side effects, I am so glad I finished the course. It gives you peace of mind, for one. You know you gave it your all. 

As far as hair, it does grow back. I know you know that, and I know how devestating it is too see it all, laying on your pillow when you get up, or lining the bathtub after your bath/shower. Sticking to your clothes, wads of it at times. But look ahead (oh a head - ha!) to when it grows again. Wear your thinning hair like a badge of pride. 

Neuropathy is different. It can be debilitaiting. I still have it in my feet and up to just below my knees and in my finger tips. But, I will take that and LIVE with it because I am alive. 

Good luck with your remaining treatments. Soon you too will be looking back on this experience. 

Tru

You always crack me up Tru.

You always crack me up Tru. You're so right. The thinning of hair is temporary and it's the small price we pay to be alive. 

Lily Flower

Bunny822 said:

Good job!!...

Hi Lily...looks like we are both in the same place with our chemo treatments...I am on same regimen and will have Round #6 of 8 on Monday 12/18/17. I look at it as 3 more to go at this point...yay...and proud of you for forging ahead...my oncologist said last visit "we are going to cure you" music to my ears and the best Christmas present I could hope for...my hair had thinned too but I still have most of my hair as I am sure you do too...I am half Filipino and my hair has been an integral part of my sense of self my entire life...but as Tru said it will grow back. We will give treatment our all to kick this anomaly called cancer. We choose life...i was nauseated 24/7 in the beginning, fatigued as well but MD tweeked dosing as well and I feel pretty good now...I do come home with a pump for 2 days and feel the worst on the Wednesday for pump removal, but 1 day out of 2 wks is not worthy of complaint. I will then get a month off before I begin radiation x 25 treatments. I try to remind myself chemo, radiation is TEMPORARY...end result is we LIVE and hopefully live out our lives to the fullest. My mother had colon cancer in her 70's, had surgery and chemo and lived until she was 91...proof and inspiration that life goes on after treatment. So...we are going to give this our all for now...follow the treatment plan with the end result as a cure and earn the title of Cancer Survivor! Thanks to all for posting your inspirational stories and struggles along the way...we can beat this...proud of you Lily...know that you are not alone in your battle...take care  

Thank you so much Bunny! Good

Thank you so much Bunny! Good luck to you today on your 6th treatment. You're only 1 treatment behind me. I will wait for you at the finish line. 

Lily Flower

Mikenh said:

That's a tough decision given

That's a tough decision given what I've read from others going through this. My oncologist at DFCI said that 4 was minimum, 8 was maximum and 6 was the sweet spot. I'm not completely sure as to what he meant by that but it's something that I think about. My local oncologist likely has his own ideas and I'll talk to him this week. It's good that they lowered the Oxyliplatin  to a tolerable level and that you can complete eight rounds. Looking at six months of chemo going forward feels daunting at this time for me.

That daunting feeling was

That daunting feeling was exactly how I felt when I first started 6 months treatments. My first two treatments made me so sick I wanted to quit right there and then. My body wasn't used to having the chemo drugs. Now looking ahead and only 2 treatments to go is really nothing. Both my surgeon and oncologists told me that the new study came out several months ago indicated that having 3 months of treatment is just as effective as the 6 months but since the study is still relatively new and the doctors will still push for the 6 months of traditional treatments. After patients pass the 3 months threshold they will push to see how much more we can still tolerate. By lowering the dosage definitely helps me to finish all 8 treatments. 

Lily Flower

airborne72 said:

Decisions...

I have learned many things in my health challenges (this rectal cancer, previous prostate cancer, two failed spinal fusions) and the most significant is that making a decision is the hardest part.  Once that is accomplished and the plan is established, then the rest of it can be endured.

Through so much of this we have little to no control.  We proceed on faith, and hope and confidence in others and that can be less than reassuring at times, especially when the messages are conflicting or our inner self agonizes over the options.  But the decision is ours to be made and once we collect as much information as possible, compare and contrast the options and then decide on a course of action, a sense of empowerment returns.  At least that has been my experience.

Once the decision has been made it is wise to not look back and second guess it.  That is a waste of energy.  You, me, we made the decision after collecting as much information as possible and comparing options.  That was the best that we could do at the time, so there is no need to second guess it.  Let it be.  Now is the time to execute that option - to do what we decided to do, as best we can.

I remember a motivational quote that was painted on the inside wall of an Army gymnasium at Ft. Bragg.  In my younger years I was close to being superman (in my mind anyway) and I was an avid, dedicated physical fitness person (diet, rest, exercise).  The saying was simple but it had greater meaning for me later in life more so than when I was in my late 30's exercising in that building.  To quote..."fatigue makes cowards of us all."

The purpose for the sign was to motivate young soldiers to condition themselves physically to defer and delay the onset of fatigue so they could make and then execute the tough decisions that they could confront.  I found that it also applies to the balance of our lives, regardless of our occupation or place in life.

For me I agonized months and years about spinal fusion surgery.  Only after I made my decision did I feel a sense of relief, not from the pain but from the paralysis of indecision.  Same same with what options to pursue regarding prostate cancer, as well as my current situation with rectal cancer and adjuvant chemo therapy.

These are difficult decisions with life altering consequence.s  Lily Flower, you made it inspite of the physical pain you are enduring and that which undoubtedly awaits.  But you made the decision and that is paramount!  Fatigue has not made a coward out of you.

Jim

"Fatigue has not made a

"Fatigue has not made a coward out of me. " I love that. I think I will print this quote out and frame it and hang it on my wall. Thank you so much Jim! I made it this far, I can make it till the end. Our body is stronger than we realize. It's our mind that's weak. I dont want myself to be in a situation one day and said I could've, should've, and would've, rather, I gave it all I could and I made the right decision. 

Lily Flower

abita said:

Good for you Lily! It is a

Good for you Lily! It is a hard road. I too have been wondering about finishing the full course. For me, knowing that it spread, I know I have to do as my oncolgist says so that I have the greatest chance to be cured. I imagine it was a hard decision to contemplate. 2 more. You got this!

Thank you Abita. Even spread

Thank you Abita. Even spread is still curable. You can do this too. That's why I love this forum where we can get encouragement and support that we need to finish this ordeal. 

Lily Flower

JanJan63 said:

Good for you! I was going to

Good for you! I was going to stop mine and then I had the blood clot and it was stopped anyway but now that I have mets it makes me wonder. On the other hand, all mets are in the lung that had the clot so is that a coincidence? Anyway, I wouldn't have toughed it out. Good for you for being strong enough to do it!

Jan

Jan, thank you so much. I

Jan, thank you so much. I know you have been through a lot with your battle. Just being the fact that you're still here says a lot about your courageous fighting spirit. 

Lily Flower

Ruthmomto4 said:

You can totally do this!

I agree 2 natural births you can do anything! I am glad having it lowered has helped. Only 2 more that's nothing! 

Thanks so much Ruth! You have

Thanks so much Ruth! You have always been so supportive for everyone. You're awesome! 

Lily Flower

Annabelle41415 said:

Good

I'm glad that the reduction has made you feel better and you've decided to forge forward with the last two rounds.  It's a hard decision to make to decide to go forward when you're not feeling well.  Your fortunate that your doctor decided to reduce your load as mine wouldn't and now I'm paying the price.  If you feel good with 6, and they have reduced it, I'd think that you keeping up with your symptoms and reporting to your doctor is a good thing.  You did good by letting your doctor know -keep up the good work on informing. 

Kim

Thanks Kim. I'm glad that my

Thanks Kim. I'm glad that my oncologist is willing to listen to my concerns. It made such a big difference that I can be normal even though I still feel tired easily, nausea here and there but it's all manageable. 

Lily Flower

Thanks darcher. The bathroom

Thanks darcher. The bathroom issue could be a mental issue too. At least that was what happened to me after my surgery. When I was home I felt like I had to go all the time. I worried about going out, even to my local grocery store. Funny thing is when I was out, the urgency of going just dissipated but as soon as I got home, I had to go! Lol