Father's cancer has spread to bones (again). In a panic!

tbh8644

Hello,

I'm hoping a few of you can shed some light. About 3 years ago my father had an elevated PSA to later find out he had prostate cancer. He went through hormone treatment and was in remission. It then spread to his spine and had radiation which took care of it. About two weeks ago when talking to him on the phone he was saying he was having trouble "getting around" because he thought he had a pinched nerve. After going back and forth with his doctor he finally got an MRI where it was revealed he had a tumor on his spine and tail bone. His doctor wanted him to start radiation right away but he wants to wait until he comes up to visit me for Christmas so it doesn't interfere with his plans. 

My mother and brother are deceased so it's only me. Since I am not there to go with him to his appointments etc... I asked if I could talk to his doctor to ask him questions to which he said no. He told me he's not dying of cancer but also tells me I need to be ready for the day he is no longer here. I'm having trouble coming up with a plan on how I can address the issue with my father without interrogating him. My father is very stubborn but also doesn't want his issues effecting me. 

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I have a wonderfully supportive wife and in-laws but none of which have encountered cancer before other than myself when my mom passed away from breast/lung cancer. Thank you for your time.

Clevelandguy

Set up a dialog

Hi, 

Sorry you have to post here but it sounds like you need to be involved wtih your Dad's treament so you can help and be supportive.  From what you stated is he living alone (a good reason to be involved)?  Glad he is dealing with his doctors and they can provide the proper treament for him.  Maybe at this point it nothing more than for him to keep you appraised of what is going on, doctor appoinments, scan times, ect. I feel that his issues are your issues so he can lean on you a little for advice and support.  Might be a great time over the Holiday's to sit with him for a little one on one chat in that quiet corner of your house.  Sometimes parents can be stubborn and not want to burdon you with their problems, but let him know you want to be involved.  If he has any questions there is a ton of expertise on this website to help out.

Dave 3+4

tbh8644

Hi Dave,

Hi Dave,

Thanks so much. Yes Dad is alone and I feel like tge week he is here is a must to address the elephant in the room. I'm 39 and handled my mother's cancer so definitely have the strength tonhandle his.