"Depressed when U C your bald head N the mirror--X 2 Give "yourself" a PEP TALK! Hair will grow back

LorettaMarshall

Good morning ~

Didn’t have time to comment on this site yesterday.  My Stage IV Peritoneal Carcinomatosis/Ovarian Cancer is ever with me, and I had to go for another PET/CT Scan yesterday.  My thoughts here were prompted by AMoore16's post of December 6th. 

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 "https://csn.cancer.org/comment/1607550#comment-1607550

 Amoore16

 Feeling a little low

Hello All,

 I was diagnosed with stage I C Ovarian cancer in August of this year and my prognosis is good.

 So, why am I feeling so low and depressed? I have lost my hair, my eyelashes, most of my eyebrows, and now have the neuropathy associated with chemo. I feel less like a woman and more like a naked mole rat. Anyone else experience this"

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"Amoore16" wants to know if anyone else is depressed when they lose their hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, etc.  Haven't we all "been there--done that?"

This morning as I was “disturbing dust” the dust off the bathroom counter top, I gazed at the little antique vase filled with own “white hair” from my 3^rd chemo treatment completed January of 2017.  Let me start by telling "AMoore16" that many of us have been exactly where she finds “herself” today.  Some days I’ve actually felt good enough to forget that I have terminal cancer.  But when I look at "myself" in the mirror, it says, “You have no hair.  You don't look so hot.  You're bald!  You have cancer!” This is how I deal with it. 

Often I have a conversation with "myself", that way I control the “talk back!”  As I gazed at the small antique vase filled with a “ball of hair the size of a baseball”—“myself" said to me”—“Now Loretta why are you keeping that?  It’s filled with dust and you’re never going to do anything with it?  Just throw it away and save the next bunch that will fall out for the 4^th time, as soon as you begin your 01-2018 treatment of Carboplatin and the “infamous hair snatcher “Taxol”! 

Then “I” said to "myself", “Well you’re right.  Throw it away.  However, I should have saved the other 3 “collections”, now I would have a “quartet” and it could remind me of how many times I’ve made it through!”

By November of this year I had at least 3 ½ inches of new hair, though sparsely scattered upon my scalp.  Even though I knew I was pushing the limit by putting off more treatments till January 2018, I decided that a trip to the beautician might be the best gift I could give myself this Christmas.  (By the way, I'm never disappointed when I buy my own Christmas presents, how about you?)

So I went by the beauty Shoppe—snatched off my turban and false bangs, wearily lifted up a wisp of hair, and said, “Can you get a perm roller around this?”  To my surprise, she said, “YES”.  So I made the appointment and gladly paid the $80 bucks to look in the mirror and see some curls instead of the baby-fine absolutely straight hair that I have.  I feel better when I look in the mirror, but my cancer is still growing on the inside.  And yes for the Christmas holidays, I will have hair, hair everywhere and not a strand to spare! 

So yes, we’re not as “pretty” as we are with a full head of hair to those who can only see the “outside” but there is a tradeoff—it’s what’s going on “inside”. 

So my choices are—would I rather have cancer growing uncontrollably on the inside--forego the chemo and look good on my way to the grave with a full head of hair?  That’s where I’m headed if I choose to do nothing.  And at this time, my quality of life is too good to “throw in the towel and settle for “lookin’ good instead of “feelin’ good!” 

I like Amoore's first sentence—“I was diagnosed with stage I C Ovarian cancer in August of this year and my prognosis is good.” Isn’t that the best news?  I should say so!  So if I could "see Amoore" and talk to her in person, this is what I would say:

"May I suggest that “you and yourself” have a talk? When you look in the mirror and “yourself” says “You’re bald—remember how much better you looked with hair?” 

Tell HER, “Yeah, I remember.  No, I don’t feel as pretty or feminine as I do when I have a full head of hair—but it’s only hair and it’ll grow back.  BUT thank God I’M ALIVE and my prognosis is good!"

You could always write a note to “yourself” on the mirror, with a permanent magic marker.  You could say,

“Yeah, yeah, alright already!  I know I don’t look so hot —but—MY PROGNOSIS IS GOOD!" 

Knowing just how you feel—I am,

Your OC Stage IV Sister—w/a “not-so-good” prognosis but not depressed—soon 2-B-Bald for the 4^th X

Loretta (5 yr. survivor of Stage IV Ovarian Cancer, Peritoneal Carcinomatosis)

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P.S. And on another note--speaking of dust on my countertop--I'm thinking about ordering some "dust magnets" to give to my guests that may visit during the holidays.  I only have one magnet now--but I need to order some more.  It says:

"You can touch the dust  --but please don't write in it!"

AMoore16

Thank you Loretta

Thank you Loretta for your words of inspiration. I do know how truley blessed I am and most days I do have that talk to myself but, there are those days where the ugliness creeps in and I am reminded of my outward apperance. I am beautiful on the inside and blessed beyond measure, this I know. It's the constant stares and unwantd attention that gets me sometimes.

P.S you should order those dust magnets.

 

LorettaMarshall

Hey "AMoore" - Better a bald head than a purple wig if U ask me!

This is for “Amoore16” and all my other OC sisters who are bald at the moment.  May I make a suggestion? 

The picture you see of me was taken this year.  I have on a turban and some false bangs.  Now since I ordered my bangs off the web, I can no longer find any.  Seems there just wasn’t enough of a market for them I suppose.  No one ever knows, unless I pull off my turban and show them, that I have NO hair or a few scraggly strands compared to my formerly full head of hair. 

So here’s a link to a catalogue that I ordered from.  https://thewigcompany.com/

Note that there are many different categories, one of which is “hair pieces”.  However, their “curly bangs” are no longer listed there. 

https://thewigcompany.com/hairpieces/vc/hairpieces/

There is also a “headwear” section.  This is where I ordered my turbans.  I’ve since gone to the fabric store and bought a turban pattern, and will be making some very pretty colored turbans to match some of my clothing. 

https://thewigcompany.com/headwear/vc/headwear-turbans/

I bought the first 4 across the top.  When you click on each picture, you can see the colors that it comes in.  I wear the first one for “every day” and keep the silkier ones for dress up. 

And of course, I do have some wigs, but I only wear them for very special times because I feel like I’m wearing a “swim cap” on my head.  Many who are here are not old enough to remember when we went to the beach and didn’t want to get our hair wet, we put on a “swim cap.”  Well a picture is worth a thousand words.  Here is a good example of what I remember:

https://www.pinterest.com/moflobo/vintage-bathing-caps-and-bathing-suits/

Now I’ve often said that I’ve not been to the beach lately because I haven’t had time to patch the hole in the knee of my woolen bathing suit…but I can still remember the days as a teenager, I laid at the beach all day and got a wonderful tan, and saw a lot of handsome fellows and always managed to throw my blanket close to one of the “life guards!”  I had a beautiful white Jantzen one-piece bathing suit of course—no “show-all-and-leave-nothing-to-the-imagination” bathing suits in my day!  It was white with red cherries on it.  I loved it.  I wanted sun-shine every day so I could go to the beach.  So what if crops needed rain?  I needed a great tan to go with my white bathing suit and blonde hair! 

Now honest confession is good for the soul, so they say.  So each day I headed for the beach, my mama would say, “Loretta, you’re gonna’ ruin your skin!”  Huh what did she know?  She was old and I was ever to be young—right?  Well, in the last 5 years, I have had 2 surgeries to remove Basal Cell Carcinomas from my face.  One of the first things my first plastic surgeon said is, “You’ve been lying in the sun a lot haven’t you?”  Well – duh – YES!  And fortunately my plastic surgeon at EVMS here in Norfolk, Dr. Viennas, has done such a wonderful job that I have difficulty finding the place he fixed and I put on makeup with an  8X magnifying mirror.  Bottom line—“Mama was right after all.”  Okay so much for lessons learned.  And all that came to mind when I thought about swim caps I used to wear when I “worshipped the sun!”

Now back to my original reason for this post-script to my own posting above—possibility of some bangs and a turban.

But my suggestion is this.  Why not consider ordering an inexpensive wig that is the same color as your hair?  If you can’t sew, perhaps you know someone that can.  I would take a tape measure and measure from the outer edge of one eye to the outer edge of the other.  Then I would take a wide piece of material with VELCRO sewn on it.  Then I would place that material over the wig, allowing for at least 3 inches or so of the section of hair.  In most of the turbans that I wear, the Velcro sticks well to the top of my turban. 

Now I haven’t done this myself, but I’ve often said, this is what one could do.  At the time I ordered my “curly bangs”, they came with a band of material with Velcro on it.  It tucks nicely under my turban.  The length of the hair attached to the Velcro band measures 5 inches.

I also have a set of “straight bangs” that have a Velcro strip and they measure 5 ½ inches from the band to the tip of the “hair”.  You don't have to buy expensive shampoo, just handwash it and use a hairdryer at low speed and temp.

So I think one could “experiment” and see what they could come up with.  When I have on my false bangs and turbans, I look absolutely healthy.  Now people often say, “You don’t look sick!”  So at least we can look good on the outside, even when we’re sick on the inside!”  People always say, “I would never have believed that this was not your natural hair.”  I ordered “white” because my hair is white, and I’m proud of it.  I’ve earned every strand of it by surviving life’s many experiences these almost now 79 years.  But God is good.  He says He won’t give us more than we can bear.  And some days I question that verse, but then He reminds me that He doesn’t lie! 

So to counteract the depressing site of a bald head, this is what I tell “myself” when I look in the mirror.  “I’ve not been in a flood or fire like so many of our friends in states like California, Florida, Texas, Louisiana, or Puerto Rico.  My family and friends have not been killed in attacks of one horrible kind or another. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food and water and am surrounded by caring friends and family members, and a wonderful husband who is a great caregiver.  What’s not to like? “

Okay perhaps I’ve taken your mind off your current problems for a while and brought a smile to your face.  I hope so.  I want all of us to find the good things in life that we still are blessed to have rather than major on what we used to be but no longer are!

Wishing ya’ll lots of energy to get through the holidays and thanking God I’m here to enjoy another Christmas with my family.

Love Loretta

Jhd2u

LorettaMarshall said:

Hey "AMoore" - Better a bald head than a purple wig if U ask me!

This is for “Amoore16” and all my other OC sisters who are bald at the moment.  May I make a suggestion? 

The picture you see of me was taken this year.  I have on a turban and some false bangs.  Now since I ordered my bangs off the web, I can no longer find any.  Seems there just wasn’t enough of a market for them I suppose.  No one ever knows, unless I pull off my turban and show them, that I have NO hair or a few scraggly strands compared to my formerly full head of hair. 

So here’s a link to a catalogue that I ordered from.  https://thewigcompany.com/

Note that there are many different categories, one of which is “hair pieces”.  However, their “curly bangs” are no longer listed there. 

https://thewigcompany.com/hairpieces/vc/hairpieces/

There is also a “headwear” section.  This is where I ordered my turbans.  I’ve since gone to the fabric store and bought a turban pattern, and will be making some very pretty colored turbans to match some of my clothing. 

https://thewigcompany.com/headwear/vc/headwear-turbans/

I bought the first 4 across the top.  When you click on each picture, you can see the colors that it comes in.  I wear the first one for “every day” and keep the silkier ones for dress up. 

And of course, I do have some wigs, but I only wear them for very special times because I feel like I’m wearing a “swim cap” on my head.  Many who are here are not old enough to remember when we went to the beach and didn’t want to get our hair wet, we put on a “swim cap.”  Well a picture is worth a thousand words.  Here is a good example of what I remember:

https://www.pinterest.com/moflobo/vintage-bathing-caps-and-bathing-suits/

Now I’ve often said that I’ve not been to the beach lately because I haven’t had time to patch the hole in the knee of my woolen bathing suit…but I can still remember the days as a teenager, I laid at the beach all day and got a wonderful tan, and saw a lot of handsome fellows and always managed to throw my blanket close to one of the “life guards!”  I had a beautiful white Jantzen one-piece bathing suit of course—no “show-all-and-leave-nothing-to-the-imagination” bathing suits in my day!  It was white with red cherries on it.  I loved it.  I wanted sun-shine every day so I could go to the beach.  So what if crops needed rain?  I needed a great tan to go with my white bathing suit and blonde hair! 

Now honest confession is good for the soul, so they say.  So each day I headed for the beach, my mama would say, “Loretta, you’re gonna’ ruin your skin!”  Huh what did she know?  She was old and I was ever to be young—right?  Well, in the last 5 years, I have had 2 surgeries to remove Basal Cell Carcinomas from my face.  One of the first things my first plastic surgeon said is, “You’ve been lying in the sun a lot haven’t you?”  Well – duh – YES!  And fortunately my plastic surgeon at EVMS here in Norfolk, Dr. Viennas, has done such a wonderful job that I have difficulty finding the place he fixed and I put on makeup with an  8X magnifying mirror.  Bottom line—“Mama was right after all.”  Okay so much for lessons learned.  And all that came to mind when I thought about swim caps I used to wear when I “worshipped the sun!”

Now back to my original reason for this post-script to my own posting above—possibility of some bangs and a turban.

But my suggestion is this.  Why not consider ordering an inexpensive wig that is the same color as your hair?  If you can’t sew, perhaps you know someone that can.  I would take a tape measure and measure from the outer edge of one eye to the outer edge of the other.  Then I would take a wide piece of material with VELCRO sewn on it.  Then I would place that material over the wig, allowing for at least 3 inches or so of the section of hair.  In most of the turbans that I wear, the Velcro sticks well to the top of my turban. 

Now I haven’t done this myself, but I’ve often said, this is what one could do.  At the time I ordered my “curly bangs”, they came with a band of material with Velcro on it.  It tucks nicely under my turban.  The length of the hair attached to the Velcro band measures 5 inches.

I also have a set of “straight bangs” that have a Velcro strip and they measure 5 ½ inches from the band to the tip of the “hair”.  You don't have to buy expensive shampoo, just handwash it and use a hairdryer at low speed and temp.

So I think one could “experiment” and see what they could come up with.  When I have on my false bangs and turbans, I look absolutely healthy.  Now people often say, “You don’t look sick!”  So at least we can look good on the outside, even when we’re sick on the inside!”  People always say, “I would never have believed that this was not your natural hair.”  I ordered “white” because my hair is white, and I’m proud of it.  I’ve earned every strand of it by surviving life’s many experiences these almost now 79 years.  But God is good.  He says He won’t give us more than we can bear.  And some days I question that verse, but then He reminds me that He doesn’t lie! 

So to counteract the depressing site of a bald head, this is what I tell “myself” when I look in the mirror.  “I’ve not been in a flood or fire like so many of our friends in states like California, Florida, Texas, Louisiana, or Puerto Rico.  My family and friends have not been killed in attacks of one horrible kind or another. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food and water and am surrounded by caring friends and family members, and a wonderful husband who is a great caregiver.  What’s not to like? “

Okay perhaps I’ve taken your mind off your current problems for a while and brought a smile to your face.  I hope so.  I want all of us to find the good things in life that we still are blessed to have rather than major on what we used to be but no longer are!

Wishing ya’ll lots of energy to get through the holidays and thanking God I’m here to enjoy another Christmas with my family.

Love Loretta

Loretta, I love you!

Thank you for always taking the time to compose thoughtful, detailed responses to people. I love your attitude!

NoTimeForCancer

Ditto the sentiments of Jhd2u

Ditto the sentiments of Jhd2u.  I love, Miss Loretta!  

Loretta, I didn't know you were going to be starting chem again in Jan 2018...you are such a GIFT to us.

AMoore16

Thank you Loretta

LOL I do have a purple wig. It's my "fun wig", whenever I am feeling done I put my purple hair on and its an automatic mood boaster. i will have to check into the bangs though. Thank you

Soup52

Great inspiration as always

Great inspiration as always Loretta! Have a merry Christmas!

Tracyannross

Bald

I’m new to this but wanted to tell you how I dealt with going bald. My mom always told me if I dressed better I’d feel better so I did just that going to every chemo infusion. I refused to wear a turban, I went commando as they say. I shaved my head so there were no sprigs. I put on good makeup. Big pretty earrings, big pearls and I wore dress slacks with crisp ironed blouse and good shoes. So many people go to chemo in their pjs practically and they feel horrible and a look as bad. I had so many men and women tell me I looked so nice and I found as time went on my other cancer friends dressedbetter, smiled more, interacted more and had a better outlook. I’m not good on the inside but I want to look good on the outside. Try it, it really helps you and helps those sitting next to you. 

Tethys41

Cold Caps

For anyone, who has not started treatment yet, for an original diagnosis or for a recurrance, cold caps help you keep your hair.  You can buy them on Amazon and you need 3 or 4 of them.  You wear them during your chemo infusions and you rotate them out, to keep your head cold.  The cold keeps the blood, and therefore the chemo drugs, from flowing to your hair folicles, which prevents the chemo drugs from killing off your hair.  I have seen a few women, who have used them, and the results were great, they kept all their hair.  But you must start using them at your first chemo treatment, or it is too late.  Also, icing your fingers and toes during chemo infusions reduces the impacts of neuropathy from the chemo drugs.  I was told that with ovarian cancer, cooling your head, fingers, and toes poses no risk that the cancer would be protected.