Faces of RP

RobLee

second place behind my brain

What you are facing is the various aspects of AGING. More diseases, weaker body, limited abilities. At age 50 I was less verile than I had been in my 30's or 40's and was less able to satisfy my wife. It was tough, and she was not very understanding at the time. But we have two well adjusted sons with their families and I can be sure that I/we raised them well. I chose to look at the positive outcomes of our relationship when my body could no longer perform as it had previously. Sex became secondary, but after we both later survived our cancers we became closer than ever.

At age 54 I was working on some wiring and fell between a truck and a wall. Because it was workers comp everything was covered, but I had nonetheless been careless and therefore nearly lost a leg. It still limits my abilites to this day. So I stuck to a desk job until age 60 when I had to inform my employer that I could no longer perform the kind of mental work that had done for most of my life. I elected to leave early before I might potentially make an error that could cost my employer financially.

Both my tool and my brain are not what they used to be.

These were all bumps along the road of life. Cancer presented yet another obstacle. I would have liked to have done a few things differently. What happened was, as I mentioned above, is that I am now essentially fully impotent and only artifiically continent. These were not the outcomes I had chosen, but were the outcomes of choices I had made when confronted with changes in my life.

It is something we all are forced to do. You can blame yourself for having chosen wrongly, but I suspect that only leads to a life of self loathing. You can tell yourself that, while you may regret the outcome, you at least did something. Doing NOTHING is always an option, but that is in itself a choice. Would you hate yourself for doing nothing, when you perhaps should have done something?

That age of 75 that you mentioned as a point when you would not care what happened, is for me now only seven years away. Thinking back to what I was doing seven years ago it seems like only yesterday, yet when I think of all that has happened in those seven years I wouldn't want to have missed out on any of it. They say that the closer you come to the end of life, the more precious life becomes. Forgive yourself for those things you could have possibly done differently and realize that you are only human. Accept that the choices you made are behind you and adapt to the outcomes. Had things gone differently, can you be certain that your life would indeed be any better?

I'm just trying to help you feel better about your life the way it is. Things are different now. Many others have been down this road. Some have had it worse than others. Consider yourself fortunate that you were downstaged to 3+4 from 4+3, and NOT gone from 4+3 to something like 4+5. It happens, and it thapppened to guys I know...Max also told the tale of his friend. In life there are no guarantees.

 

Grinder

Objection

For the record, I was told that I WOULD have ED by a friend who had not yet recovered from his RP, but elected to have the surgery anyway. Shortly after my RP, he admitted that he had started to recover from ED about a year after his RP, and that is about the time I found this forum and read into the archives about "use it or lose it" which is what my surgeon also warned. Recovery from ED has been a bonus for me as I never expected to recover my sex life, and dealing with the issues I faced, did not care if I did.

We must be careful of what is called "The Mechanic's Fallacy" . Just because one mechanical problem exists in your engine does not necessarily mean it is the cause of the engine malfunction, no matter how coincidentally the timing. E.g. your engine won't start... So you check your battery and it is not holding a charge very well. So you change it. Engine still won't turn over. Test shows alternator not charging battery, so you change it. Engine still won't turn over. Solenoid on Started is going bad so you change it. Engine still won't turn over. So you sell car you just spent a grand on parts. Friend buys it, and puts the car in park, wiggles steering wheel... Engine starts right up.

Obvious point is: ED can be caused by interrelated issues. RP, Diabetes, stress, low T, high blood pressure, prescription medications, heart disease, etc. all can cause ED, but what is worse, they can all be nearly undetectable, but present enough to be interacting so that no one solution will solve the problem, and no one issue may be the only culprit. 

I am not an RP advocate for anybody but me myself and I. It may have ruined some people's QoL but it SAVED mine. I am an advocate for the best solution for each  person, and often that is RP, and sometimes it is not. But if it is proved that RP was NOT your best option, then you should take that up with your urologist, not with the guys who have had wildly successful RPs that gave them a new lease on life, and crusade against RP in all cases when there are cases where it is absolutely necessary, like mine.I

My neighbor had advanced PC that was too advanced to be treatable. He regretted not discovering his PC until it was too late to effectively treat it, as it is the silent imperceptible killer. As the disease was advancing, Paul warned all family and friends to get tested, and if necessary get treated. His widow would give ANYTHING! ANYTHING! to have him get an RP long before the PC advanced. He has been dead for a couple years now, and Frances sold the house across the street from us, and moved away. It was heartbreaking to see them go through what he endured. And heartbreaking to see her struggle with the sad memories. Maybe being away from the house where they raised their kids, and entertained their grandchildren will give her closure, I don't know, because I guess I will never see her again. I sure won't see him again.

 

Grinder

Paul's house

Paul and Frances' house for sale last summer. They raised racehorses... Notice the horsehead mailbox.

Grinder

Whoa!

Hold on a minute! MK you are saying your marriage is in danger because of ED?! You can't be serious! If my wife knew your wife, she would scold her for such a shallow approach to marriage! 

Contrary to men's popular perception, coitus is not nearly as important to women as intimacy, affection, security, commitment, fidelity, etc. That is why you will see a gentleman's club with strippers every block in some cities, but male strippers are a rare novelty, because men and women are so different. 

If your marriage, which is a commitment for better or worse, is threatened by ED, then you both need counseling. I cannot fathom that a woman would end a marriage because a guy can't get it up. Something else is going on, there has to be. Maybe I am old fashioned, but this makes no sense to me. At all. None of it.