New Caregiver and I'm Scared

Emryld

Hi,

My husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer on November 15th. The good news is it is small and they caught it very early. However, I am 54 years old and I have lost numerous friends and family over the years to cancer and this is scaring me badly! The other thing is I recently went back to school to get my Music degree and the last 10 years I have been doing what I need to do to get work as a Musician. I have had to put that goal on the back burner many times over the years because I am a wife and mother and my family is a priority. Today, it just all got to me I guess because I feel like what was the point of going back to school and working as hard as I have to become proficient at my instrument if I'm not going to be allowed to use it? It's almost like every time I think I'm getting somewhere with it, I or someone in my family get slammed with something and I have to stop again. And it's hard!  Music is a part of me and every time I have to give it up again, it hurts! I'm scared, in spite of the doctor's reassurances that they will be able to get it all. The surgery is planned for December 19th. I'm hurting and I'm also angry. I also feel like I'm being selfish because my husband is the one with the cancer in his body, not me. If anyone should be allowed to be scared, it's him. I am doing all I can to be strong when he's around because I love him and want to support him. I thought if anyone would understand, it would be someone here. 

Emryld

icemantoo

Probably not as bad as you imagine

Em,

 

Assuming it is small and the doctors say that they can and do get it all your husband is looking at a week or 10 dayys on the couch and back to a slow normal in 4 to 6 weeks. I went water skiing at age 60 11 months after my surgery.  As you descibe it there should be no chemo or treatments where one really needs a care giver. Hopefully all he will need is that extra heelp those firdt few weeks after surgery. Cancer is a scary word, but kidney cancer caught earlyis only a temporary slowdown.

 

 

Icemantoo

sblairc

I understand it all

I understand. It is an emotional roller coaster. I will be a range of complex emotions, many will be painful, confusing and conflicting. It takes time to navigate the situation. Self care is very important for you, as I learned the hard way as a caregiver the first time. Take care of yoursel, and find a support system that works for you. I got a therapist since I was having significant trouble dealing. Coming here helps too. 

APny

I'm so sorry you and your

I'm so sorry you and your husband are facing this. I can totally understand the anger and the frustration along with fear and anxiety. You're not being selfish; you're scared and you're human. I agree that if the doctor says it's small and caught early then most likely the surgery will be the end of and you'll have many more years to make beautiful music by yourself and together.