Dying spouse hates me now.

mandmmagic

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and brain cancer with multiple brain tumors on July 14th, and is now in the end of life stages. He has daily gone downhill these last two weeks, and can no longer stand up, even with help, and either can’t, or won’t talk to me. He has quit eating a couple of days ago, and barely drinks. He has been on home hospice for the last couple of weeks now, per his request.

I had to make the decision to make him stay in his hospital bed, be cathered, and given liquid morphine and lorazepam against his wishes, due to his weakness. I really hated making these choices, but am doing what the hospice nurses told me I needed to do. I can’t keep picking him up when he falls, because it hurts me so much, and, he hurts himself when he falls.

Now, it seems like he hates me, and he pushes me away when I try to medicate him, and when I tell him I love him. Is this normal? How do you cope with this?

AnnaLeigh

Agitation and anxiety are normal

I am so sorry mandmmagic and I know how hard this must be for you. Anxiety and agitation are a very normal part of the dying process. The lorazepam and pain medications will give your husband comfort and ease during the time he has left. Preventing him from falling again is a caring, compassionate, and wise decision for both of you.

Hospice nurses are very experienced in these matters and I am glad you are taking their advice. Hospices also have social workers and chaplains who will listen, comfort you, and guide you throughout the entire process.

Please know that you are making the right decisions. No one has a crystal ball and nobody has a guide book with all of the answers. Just follow your instincts and try not to second guess yourself too much. 

Blessings to you and your husband. This community is here to help always !!

 

jorola

It is not you

I agree with AnnaLeigh. It could also be the brain tumors too. Bottom line it is not you nor are the words and actions you are seeing from him truly your husband. Remember the man he was, not this ok. I know how hard that is. When you hear or see things that hurt, immediately think of a better time to override what just happened. Do it till the moment passes and you only have good memories in your mind and heart.

You are doing the right thing for him - hard as it is.

Good thoughts and hugs being sent your way.

Jodie

oriontj

Mine told me I was not nice

Mine told me I was not nice to have around... This from the expert on not being nice. I'm sure he hated me at the end... But that's too be expected from him. Just do the best you can do. 

NormanLovesAileen

Let your Love guide you

Let a loving feeling come, stay with it.

That’s what I have found helps me.