How to handle "I won't be around for that"

ljezard Member Posts: 1
edited October 2017 in Caregivers #1

My husband has Stage 4 prostate cancer with metastasis happening quickly to several organs, and is now exhausting treatments.  I think we're looking at a year or so.

I'd like some advice on how to respond when he says things like, "It is probably my last Christmas" or "I probably won't be around for that".   Lately, nearly everything from talking about a little fall chill in the air while walking the dogs, to a car repair is tagged with these kind of comments.  

It's not that I have a problem with it per se, and I would probably think the same way if it was me.  I'm not avoiding the whole illness and death subject, and I try to listen hard to see if he wants to talk more about what's going on in his head.  Sometimes he does want to talk more, and sometimes not and the conversation ends with his comment.

I feel like I'm walking on egg-shells, and I often feel guilty that I will be around and he won't.  So, I try to avoid talking about "future" things and feel lke we live in this bubble, holding our breaths.  Both of us...

Any advice on how to respond to him when he makes these comments?  Should I respond?  Is he trying to tell me he doesn't want to talk about the future? How can I help both him and I enjoy the time we have?  



  • ClaCla
    ClaCla Member Posts: 136

    It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job of allowing him to talk or not as he chooses about his thoughts about dying or whatever.

    Fill the remaining time together doing things you both are passionate about and can still do within his current physical limitations.  Might be travel or spending time in the great outdoors.   Or having a more active social life with friends and family.  Planning a family reunion and spending more time with loved ones.  How about learning a skill like wire bending or woodworking?   Of course, you two may also be feeling the need to explore your spiritual selves, through church and through reading about death and dying.  Being focused on things we've always wanted to do has kept my husband and me focused on the business of living throughout this trying time with cancer. 

    Wishing you two the best.  God bless.

  • iCAREforyou
    iCAREforyou Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2017 #3
    I hear that comment often. 

    I hear that comment often.  Recently I was telling a co-worker that the family gathered round for the "last" birthday celebration.  He chuckled and said he had an uncle that lived through 5 "last" gatherings - but then he smiled and said - no matter what the reason that brought you all together - celebrate those close times and pray for many, many more.