Better attitude and other lessons learned

pamstayner
pamstayner Member Posts: 111 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

Well, once again Fox's post from Sept 18th woke me up.  I did not see it until Oct 3 or so, and I will step up and join in again.  I spent the summer as a turtle.  You know, head pulled in, totally under a shell hiding from life, and just existing.

It hits me often anymore.  Might need to up my depression meds.  In any event, by August I was totally disgusted with treatment, scans, doctors, diagnosis, and how it  has totally taken over my life, keeping me from what I want ... to do with my time.

About the week I was hard at crying in my soup, sorry for myself, and my fate in life... thinking I was having a terrible couple of weeks... and I get word that my oldest Nephew, who suffered from severe depression, jumped off an overpass and killed himself.

God, here I was, having a problems, and wallowing in myself... and this wonderful young man, who touched so many lives as a professor for 17 years, who really needed support and mental health treatment, ended his life rather than endure any more mental pain. It was total shock to his students, friends, all of us in his family, totally unseen at the time.  When you have been diagnosed, have medications you HAVE to take, and choose to no longer do so... just what can you expect?   

That saying, that there is always someone worse off than you... that truth, it really hit me that day.  Dammit, 

I have had time to re-evaluate my own self, and get my head back in the front, and get a healthier attitude.  Life is precious, there is always someone who needs you... your example, your life lessons, your encouragement, HUGS, doesn't even have to be someone you know.  A person changes life around himself, just by existing. 

I will not make this mistake again.  I will become stronger for those around me. I will become happier, and more loving, and stop thinking only of me.

By the way, yesterday my oncologist had me dancing... first scan out of the last four that I have NO PROGRESSION... got a STABLE.  Yep.  I'm better with the new attitude.

Pam

 

Comments

  • love_of_my_life
    love_of_my_life Member Posts: 77
    #2
    Great Attitude

    You have a great attitude.  Praying for you.

  • Allochka
    Allochka Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #3
    Sorry to hear about your

    Sorry to hear about your Nephew. But at least something positive came out of this - your changed attitude. And stable scans are great!

     

    I've had a short-term depression after my first miscarriage 6 years ago. It was a terrible time, I hope it will never repeat, and I hope that those who suffer from depression will find a cure

  • stub1969
    stub1969 Member Posts: 978 Member
    edited October 2017 #4
    Good to hear

    It's good to hear from you, Pam.  I missed your perspective on topics and the light you shine on this site.  Sorry about your nephew--but happy for your renewed perspective, and--stable scans.

    Blessings

    Stub

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #5
    Karma Pam

    FLY

  • pamstayner
    pamstayner Member Posts: 111 Member
    #6
    Yep

    Thank you all... I appreciate your comments, and will try to pipe in often. 

    Did I ever tell you guys, that I CAN fly in my dreams... if a monster is chasing me... and my feet feel like they are in glue... I just jump a little and take off... loose my stomach and all...  Ever since I was a young girl I could do that.  Gets harder as I get older.. can't seem to jump and take off so smoothly.  

    Thanks..Pam

     

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #7
    Sorry to hear

    So sorry to hear about your nephew's death.  Glad to hear you're going to get out of your shell. We need each other.  We certainly need you.  

    Hugs 

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