Bf now at anger stage sorry long

Jtchristy

So as you all know bf has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I think he was in a denial stage and we had some issues that I posted earlier. He is due to start taking Pazopanib in two weeks, but has decided for fourth opinion and go to the widely known cancer hospital in the city. He asked my opinion and I told him it is a good idea. He made the appointment the other day and began to get distant again. I gave him his space and have not bothered him. I was at work yesterday I called him to see how he was doing and he became standoffish and said something along the lines of “What do you want?” I told him “It seems like you are not in the mood to talk so I will let you go.” He then starting yelling that he doesn’t have time for this sh** and then yelled, “I’M FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He then yelled “I am not on Match.com!! I am not doing anything wrong!!!” (A little backstrory, I had a terrible marriage and left him when I found out he was on Match.com announcing that he was single and looking for his “soulmate”) bf knows this and I HAVE NEVER accused him of that. I said, “I never said you were on match,” and he answered, “You were subtly insinuating it.” (Which I was not). I did not say anything and he said he wanted to take a break. I told him I don’t believe in breaks and that if he wanted to we should just break up. He said yes he wanted to break up. I said, “Ok, but don’t call me a month from now.” And then said, “If you think you’re going to find someone better than me then go for it.” He then got whiney and said, “I know I’m not going to find anyone better than you,” He then brought up a disagreement we had like 7 months ago and began talking in circles in which I said I can’t talk to him about this on the phone we need to talk in person. He decided to come to my work and we talked. He said he cares about me a lot but can’t handle anything. He then made a comment that he knows he is not the best boyfriend and he can’t give me what I want (i.e nights out on the town, fun crazy dates as he has been stressed and our dates consist of eating out, takeout and hanging around the house.) I told him that I don’t expect to have crazy dates and just being with him if fine with me. He then said, “I hope you realize what you are getting yourself into.” I told him not to worry about me and our main concern is getting him better. I went to a support group last night and heard horror stories from spouses, one who just left her husband after he survived cancer as he treated her terribly during his treatment and she got resentful and fell out of love with him. She told us how he cries and begs her back, apologizes for his behavior but she is done. Another spouse told us how her husband treated her terribly as well, but she stuck by him and now that he is in remission they have a closer marriage and he is appreciative to her. My concern now is that I am not married to him and don’t know if I want to go through this with him if this is an eye opener of our future. I am also concerned that he wanted to break up so fast when a few days ago he said his biggest fear is that I leave him… I don’t know what to do now and am not sure if I want to go through this; I want to be there for him but not if he only wants me around to be a whipping post. His bday is coming in a few days and we planned a huge party and I bought him meaningful gifts. I don’t even want to be around him much less hand over gifts with all his family and friends amuck pretending everything is just peachy. Am I normal to feel this way or am I being selfish??