Should I visit a relative who also has cancer?

Kinableu
Kinableu Member Posts: 14 Member

Hi everyone

my husband's cousin just got word from his doctor that he wasn't going to make it

he has metastatic disease all over and it is now in his brain lungs and other vital organs 

my husband wants to visit him this weekend

i have uterine cancer myself and just finished chemo I am doing well but neuropathy and fatigue persist and make a long trip to another city 3 hours from home seem very daunting I worry I will fall as the neuropathy makes it a little dangerous to walk much

of course would love to offer my husband love and support as well as to see the cousin myself and talk with him and family

also kind of fearful I might get upset by hosp setting 

i seem to be lucky while soneone else close to us did not gave the good fortune I had also of course I worry about it coming back as I had a grade 3 tumor though very early stage disease  i probably should

not talk abt myself To cousin or famy they would feel bad 

If it were me would I not feel bad if my family acted like they did not care or stayed away I've had the experience of peopke I know shying away or not calling once they learned I have cancer it's not a nice feeling   I would not want to hurt cousin  but  comfort and help him and family I just do t know if I am in any position to do so

your experiences advice and suggestions appreciated 

Thank you in advance

 

 

Comments

  • Kinableu
    Kinableu Member Posts: 14 Member
    edited September 2017 #2
    I should explain part of the

    I should explain part of the problem is that my husband's family is very sociable. I would hate to spoil things for him by asking that we should just go to the hospital and do not make the day longer by going out to dinner or to someone's house. I am afraid that my husband will not get all the comfort and companionship he needs on account of me. I do not wamt to create tension between Us and/or his family. Yet I want to go and feel I should try.

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    edited September 2017 #3
    Probably...

    Since it's the weekend, I would assume you've already made a decision. 

    Since you've just finished chemo, you have absolutely The Best Reason not to go. I hate feeling like I've been pushed through a knothole then pulled back through, it seems as though that's what you'd be up against. I'd probably chose to stay home and watch a bunch of comedies [Translation: SLEEP through] on TV or DVDs. Or not. Could you crash at someone's house while they go out for dinner?

    A nice note of solidarity to the family and cousin, a phone call, a Skype video session - all of those would work whether you go or not. You're wise to think of yourself AND your husband. All the best. Keep us posted as you're able --

  • Kinableu
    Kinableu Member Posts: 14 Member
    edited October 2017 #4
    JerzyGrrl said:

    Probably...

    Since it's the weekend, I would assume you've already made a decision. 

    Since you've just finished chemo, you have absolutely The Best Reason not to go. I hate feeling like I've been pushed through a knothole then pulled back through, it seems as though that's what you'd be up against. I'd probably chose to stay home and watch a bunch of comedies [Translation: SLEEP through] on TV or DVDs. Or not. Could you crash at someone's house while they go out for dinner?

    A nice note of solidarity to the family and cousin, a phone call, a Skype video session - all of those would work whether you go or not. You're wise to think of yourself AND your husband. All the best. Keep us posted as you're able --

    He died last week I am

    Thank you for your answer

    I agree with all you say yet I did go because I wanted to support his family and my husband

    while Willie was in a wheelchair he was able to talk and all but sometimes he just started to cry and it was so sad we just hugged and cried

    In one waythat is more personal I i am glad I went I felt someone really understood as this had been a lonely battle He died last week I am devastated

  • ClaCla
    ClaCla Member Posts: 136
    Am glad that you went

    Sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad you went.  I"m sure everyone concerned appreciated the love and support.