Is it just me?

Manontb

Hi, it's late, I am tired and can't fall asleep.

my life has turn upside down since my husband was diagnosed with two cancers since December of 2016. Parotid gland and rectal.

a couple weeks before that I had decided to go back to school and become a hairdresser. The whole project is put on the back burner. I decided my husband well being would be my job until he is back to normal. I have been very supportive, I've been a cheerleader, a secretary, a nurse, a cook, a driver, we have a couple properties so I have become a painter, a mover, a gardener, carpenter, an exterminator...... and all I get is a long face. My husband hasn't smiled since December. He is on antidepressants. He doesn't want to see anyone. I spare you all the details, he is on his last round of chemo, I understand he is sick and feeling crummy, but a little appreciation would be nice. I have been so into taking care of him and everything else, I myself started feeling sick. Went to my doctor and she prescribed me meds for high blood pressure. Chest pain, GERD, all stress related. I have to take medication to fall asleep!!!

i new going in patients become all about them, which is fine, survival mode, I didn't expect feeling unappreciated. I have great friends, but I am tired of being the friend who's always complaining, feeling exasperated of the situation, not knowing if we will ever get rid of that cancer, will this monster always be planning over our heads? 

Like i said, it's late, and I am tired, tomo will be better, I hope.

Manon

GingerMay

Not the only one

I wish I could come up with something great, but all I can say is - it's not just you.  My husband has cancer too and has been fighting it since last year.  Big sigh and deep breath.  I know the feeling when it's late at night and you are exhausted but can't fall asleep.  I also do a lot of the things you mention around the house, cleaning, cooking, shopping, lawn care, errands, fixing household appliances, dealing with family issues, and it goes on.  Oh ya, I didn't mention all the research I do on his current meds, treatments, and preparing for dr. appts.  

My husband is appreciative so it helps.  I told him early on to just focus on treatments and getting better.  So he turned away from other things as my plate gets more overflowing by the day.  My own anxiety grows as he struggles with his health and an uncertain future.  Nobody in my life gets it and it is isolating.  I kept looking around for a local support group and after trying a few I think I finally found one that helps, so perhaps that may be useful if you ever want to try.  The chatroom on this site late at night when you can't sleep can also be quite supportive.    

Prayers to you & your husband.  

 

  

Manontb

GingerMay said:

Not the only one

I wish I could come up with something great, but all I can say is - it's not just you.  My husband has cancer too and has been fighting it since last year.  Big sigh and deep breath.  I know the feeling when it's late at night and you are exhausted but can't fall asleep.  I also do a lot of the things you mention around the house, cleaning, cooking, shopping, lawn care, errands, fixing household appliances, dealing with family issues, and it goes on.  Oh ya, I didn't mention all the research I do on his current meds, treatments, and preparing for dr. appts.  

My husband is appreciative so it helps.  I told him early on to just focus on treatments and getting better.  So he turned away from other things as my plate gets more overflowing by the day.  My own anxiety grows as he struggles with his health and an uncertain future.  Nobody in my life gets it and it is isolating.  I kept looking around for a local support group and after trying a few I think I finally found one that helps, so perhaps that may be useful if you ever want to try.  The chatroom on this site late at night when you can't sleep can also be quite supportive.    

Prayers to you & your husband.  

 

  

Thank you

In a weird way, it is comforting to know that someone else is there, in a similar situation. I do not wish this on anyone, but its reality. Thank you, I had given up on support groups , I need to reconside that. 

Thank you gingermay

JerzyGrrl

When I was caregiving...

When I was caregiving, I used to remind myself, "If you want gratitude, get a dog." Then darned if the current dog-in-residence wouldn't get on an independent streak and, like a cat, be too aloof to swing by for any Thank You tail wagging. 

It's good to be someplace where there are people who "get it." Hang in there, get help where and how you can, and keep us posted as you're able. 

Manontb

Irma la douce

i needed that like a hole in the head... a hurricane!

i shouldn't complain too much, my house is good, my family is safe and we were lucky to have power during the whole ordeal. Our rentals got major damage. we have to move tenants into safer unit. 

all that is material, what broke my heart is my 17 year old telling me that there is a price to pay to be happy...??? She watches all those stupid stories on the internet with happy families! One of them lost a child, but manage to find happiness, and her own family is falling appart because her father chose to be miserable.

my husband is still with a long face not appreciative of the good life we "could" have, if he would open his heart to it. The mood in the house is filled with stress, and I don't know where to start. I have been working really hard on our properties, this is our only revenue since my husband was diagnosed. I've been told that, I didn't have to do it for the past 25 years, so it would not kill me to take over for a change. I don't want to have my girls think that it's ok for my husband to treat us the way is been treating me. Does cancer give you the right to treat the people you love like that? I am thinking of moving out sometime... to go where? At this point a cardbox would be more comfortable than my house. I can't get a job right now, I have to take care of properties and be home for him. And if we try to talk to him he is on the attack mode, he doesn't listen to what we have to say or the feeling we have.

life is testing us hard lately.

Manontb

I am about to jump the ship!!!

But I don't think I will do it just yet.

life is testing us, me. I feel like I am expected to do what I do. then I think I am so selfish, then NOOOOO! I put a lot in these past 12 months, and asking for please or thank you is not to much to ask. I am not anybody's servant. I am a person, a great person who's coping with someone else illnes. Caregive, partner, wife and support, I shouldn't feel like ****. It is difficult, my daughters are very disappointed in how the dynamic of our family is going right now. I don't know if we can repair my family. We are on the road of destruction. All I think about sometimes is how can I get out of this, but I committed to bring him back to health. Will this ever happen? Will he be happy after all this is done and gone? Since the hurricane came by, it's even more difficult. Energy we do not have is spent putting our property back to normal so we can put it for sale. I finally exploded today and he is not speaking to me now. childlish behavior, nothing will get resolved. If I don't do what he wants me to do, I get the silent treatment, every time! 

I had to let out some steam, I am alone and cannot involve my daughters in what I feel about the situation.