Newly diagnosed and absolutely terrified
I just got the results from my biopsy a week ago and I'm scheduled to meet with the surgical team in 3 more days. All I know at this point is that both needle core biopsies as well as the lymph node biopsy have all came back positive.... Ductal carcinoma. I'm absolutely terrified. I've decided to not tell my family (mom, dad, & sister) until my next visit since really don't have details other than the diagnosis. But as the next appointment date gets closer, I'm not sure if I've made the right decision on that. I'm in need of some suggestions on how to break the news to family... Especially when that family is hours away in another state.
Comments
-
Cherry
I am sorry you have had this diagnosis and I understand your fear. I don't know your age, but I have a daughter hours away and I would want her to tell me right away so that I could help and support her. I think you should tell them exactly what you know right now. You are going to need all the support that you can get and they may want to be with you to support and help you.
0 -
I'm 39 and the main reason
I'm 39 and the main reason that I've been hesitant to tell them apart from not knowing that much about it myself is that my mom is currently in the hospital after a hip replacement (initial surgery, then a repair to that and now a 6 week antibiotic treatment). They (my mom, dad & older sister) have a lot going on right now. This is all happening at the worst time. I don't want to worry them.... but I also know that I want their support. I have so many questions that I don't have an answer to at this point.
0 -
Just a thought
If you are close to your sister perhaps you could start with sharing it with her. Then the two of you could decide when to tell your parents. I was open with my family from the very beginning and they went with me to the first few doctor's appoitments. Every family is different but mine was happy they could help me.
0 -
or..
You could tell one of your closest friend about it and have them go with you to your appointment. Always best to have someone with you for support and to ask questions too since you will feel like your in a whirlwind. I hope you get positive news and great outcomes.
Hugs,
Annie
0 -
I told one of my sisters, I was helping with my mom here and ali
brother, 2 of my sisters came when I had the mastectomy, they were a support, then told the remains 7 sibs when I had more answers. Some were upset as I never shared when I had cervical cancer 2 times and they had. O idea. So my second round with bc, I told all the sibs in an email.
none lived here only my ex and 2 sons in their early 20s. They understood some what, and we moved my mom to my sisters in Sacramento. I think you need to do what is best. If you have a sib you can talk to, he/she could be an amazing support with what would be best. I realized how much they love me and even a phone call or FaceTime can really help when I am
having struggles. Most of my family is amazing and some do. It deal well but they still want to be in on the loop!
All famies are different but they still want to help any way they can
Hugs and I wish you the best.
Camul
0 -
MY mom and sister are far away too!
I agree with Annie. That first appointment after diagnosis is scary and overwhelming. Fortunately, I have my husband and lots of other support from people who have gone down this road. It is best, in my opinion, to have someone who can help you take notes on what's being said. I had a friend go with me for my reconstruction appts.
Sending positive vibes and healing thoughts,
Leslye0 -
hugs heading your way
Both my parents were gone for years when I was diagonosed-but I too waitedto tell my LIKE A MOM TO ME (also BC survivor 3 x).
I did have her come with me to dr appts. ONCE I Knew a bit more-it was helpful having 2-3 extra sets of ears to LISTEN and take IT ALL IN. I remember I was listening to the DR and then a big blur of info-so like family friends helped later with info I totally missed.
HUGS
Denise
0 -
First Im sorry about your news..but you will be fine! It is really out of body experience when those words first come out the drs mouth!! I took a few days to wrap my head around it before I told anyone..then I called my sisters together and sat them down and told them first thing I said was "DONT PANIC" I told them how I demanded additional testing because i knew something did not feel right. 2 of my sisters went with me to my initial appointment with the breast surgeon , TO LISTEN AND WRITE DOWN AND ASK QUESTIONS AND FIND OUT WHAT OPTIONS, once all the test came back. she ordered CT scan and other testing prior to surgery to make sure it was in the left breast only. I still have not told my daughter or my mom all that went on (they just know i had surgery of breast cist that I had before) my mom if Elder with heart condition and my daughter has lot going on with her kids . ( i may evently tell them more at some point ..I still have to go THRU the implant surgery in about 6 months. I KEEP MY SISTERS INFORMED . EVERYONE HAS THEIR ON OPINIONS AND HAVE TO DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WITH EVERYTHING. BEEPOSITIVE
0 -
Sounds like you feel the need
Sounds like you feel the need now to tell them and you may enjoy and need their support. Perhaps Skpye them... try not to blurt it out, ease them in, though honestly you don't know how it will go. Some run away from you, some are wonderful, same goes for your partner and children. Mainly it all gets down to fear. Please keep posting here the ladies and sometimes gentlemen are amazingly helpful in the nicest way. It all doable, all of his here have been through this one way or another. Write all your questions down, keep strong and know there are thousands of us in the same boat. X
0 -
Kept to myself until I knew
I can understand how you feel. I was the first in my family to experience BC ( others had colon or stomach). People come at you with so many questions, that I also wanted to fully understand before I shared with others. I waited until " the plan" was decided. I did have the support of my loving husband who honored my wishes and waited to tell others until I said it was ok. By the time I was ready ( really, it was over the course of 2 weeks) I knew everything about the extent of my tumor and what the plan was going to be.
You do what is most comfortable for yourself. As others have stated, if you are close to your sister, or you need to lean on her right now, make the call. If not, you will share your Dx in your own time.
peace and prayers,
Kathy
0 -
I got my complete diagnosis
I got my complete diagnosis today...stage 3 ductal carcinoma. I go next week to get bone scans and CT scans to make sure it hasn't spread past lymph nodes. Also go in next week to have a port cath placed in preparation for 20 weeks of chemo. After chemo comes surgery then radiation. It's going to be a long road but I'm confident in my medical team and everything they told me today. Thanks to everyone for their help on my questions of notifying my family. At this point, I've talked with my sister and niece that I'm closest with. I've deceided that I'm not going to tell my parents at this point. They have too much on their plates emotionally at this point that I'm not comfortable with telling them yet. That may change in the future. (They are both in their 70s and experiencing some health issues right now)
0 -
Cherryblssm
I am sorry about your diagnosis. It is tough to deal with wrapping your head around all of this. i am goad that you told your sister. I hope that you have a good support system near you. There is much to learn in a short amount of time, just when you are feeling shocked by the whole thing. You will get through this and it is great that you have confidence in your team. That is so important.
Take one day at a time right now and take good care of yourself before all your treatment starts!
0 -
You have support here, too!
Sounds like your team is ready to go and you have confidence there. I was stage 3 and began chemo right away, too. Please connect here as you continue through treatment. The advice, encouragement, and love from our cyber friends will be a wonderful resource for you!
Kathy
0 -
Best Wishes
God bless and much success with everything, Cherryblssm! i went thru all the scans prior to my surgery..and felt a lot better knowing in was only in my left breast area!
take one day at time and dont beat yourself up...you will BE FINE! HUGS
BEEPOSITIVE
0 -
i was stage 3A ductal. I didCherryblssm said:I got my complete diagnosis
I got my complete diagnosis today...stage 3 ductal carcinoma. I go next week to get bone scans and CT scans to make sure it hasn't spread past lymph nodes. Also go in next week to have a port cath placed in preparation for 20 weeks of chemo. After chemo comes surgery then radiation. It's going to be a long road but I'm confident in my medical team and everything they told me today. Thanks to everyone for their help on my questions of notifying my family. At this point, I've talked with my sister and niece that I'm closest with. I've deceided that I'm not going to tell my parents at this point. They have too much on their plates emotionally at this point that I'm not comfortable with telling them yet. That may change in the future. (They are both in their 70s and experiencing some health issues right now)
i was stage 3A ductal. I did chemo, mastectomy & radiation. It all started 2 1/2 years ago & now it feel like it's in the past. That's good you told them because you need to talk to someone. I can see your point of not telling your parents. Your mother needs all the strength she needs to completly heal. It takes longer when you're older. I'm so sorry about you having cancer at such a young age. You'll get through it. Good luck & hoping for good scan news.
0 -
Sending you good thoughts...Cherryblssm said:I got my complete diagnosis
I got my complete diagnosis today...stage 3 ductal carcinoma. I go next week to get bone scans and CT scans to make sure it hasn't spread past lymph nodes. Also go in next week to have a port cath placed in preparation for 20 weeks of chemo. After chemo comes surgery then radiation. It's going to be a long road but I'm confident in my medical team and everything they told me today. Thanks to everyone for their help on my questions of notifying my family. At this point, I've talked with my sister and niece that I'm closest with. I've deceided that I'm not going to tell my parents at this point. They have too much on their plates emotionally at this point that I'm not comfortable with telling them yet. That may change in the future. (They are both in their 70s and experiencing some health issues right now)
Sending you good thoughts....I had the same diagnosis ....mine was a 5.9 cm tumor.....had neo adjuvant chemo, double masectomy then 6 1/2 weeks of radiation.....I am constantly tired and experiencing a lot of joint pain......I would ask if there's anything you can do prevent future joint pain....this year will go by quickly and I just know it will be full recovery!!
0 -
Rolling right along
So far everything has been going OK. I've had my first chemo treatment and my next one is coming up this Thursday. No bone pain so far from the neulasta, I take Claritin every morning. Just having severe indigestion but no nausea so I'll take what I can get.
Headed out this morning to get my hair cut shorter. I've always had really long hair so I've been getting it cut shorter in stages to help my brain cope with it going. Just a way I thought to ease myself into that part. I do have an appointment this week to go wig shopping as well.
My mother is doing better, she's actually up walking more after her hip replacement. I still don't feel it's the right time to tell her as she'll think she needs to be here with me and it's just not possible for her. I live 7 hours away from them. And I know that would make her depressed and she needs to focus on herself right now.
I'm going to be fine. It's going to be a period of super suck but there's an end in sight!
Major thanks going out to all of you guys... You're all just an inspiration to me and I'm glad to have the honor of joining you.
0 -
Glad to hear!
Glad to hear things are going well as can be considering for you Cherryblssm! Just take it day at a time..even with my radiation..things got worst before it got better..but it go better!!! I have not told my mom or daughter all thats going on either ..mom is elder and daughter has lot going on with her kids.. my sisters know and I keep them posted ..now just keeping my follow up appointments, working and will have my implant done around Dec or Jan. (i will tell them a little more then) no need for them to worry so much!
GOD BLESS YOU AND MUCH SUCCESS WITH YOUR TREATMENTS! YES YOU WILL BE FINE!!
HUGS >>> BEEPOSITIVE
0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.6K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 308 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 395 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.3K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 791 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 235 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 56 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.4K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 534 Sarcoma
- 719 Skin Cancer
- 647 Stomach Cancer
- 190 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.9K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards