Does it ever get better

stillnotok Member Posts: 2

June 2013 started my journey as a Cancer Caregiver to my husband and in October 2013 he lost his battle with Small Cell Lung Cancer. If that wasn't bad enough 7 months later I began my journey with anal cancer. While I can say I'm a 3 year survivor of my own battle with cancer, a little over four years later I often wonder if my life will ever get better.

Almost a year ago I began the journey of building the dream home my husband and I planned and had just begun searching for land when he was diagnosed. That too has been full of heartache as the builder basically screwed me, didn't get certificate of occupancy on date he told me, filed a lien on me only to discover a week later the piers under the house were constructed improperly. SO here I am gave up apartment and staying with a friend, hired an attorney and structural engineer to determine what I need to do. Turns out 13 piers need to be reconstructed.

If this wasn't bad enough my journey back to the dating world has been a nightmare and I guess I need to accept that I will likely be along for the rest of my life. At 50 this is unbearable to me-I want a best friend, my partner-in-crime, someone who makes my life worth living. I'm sitting here crying wondering why I have had to suffer so much and how much more will I have to suffer. Sometimes I just wish the cancer had taken me too and I know that is horrible to say but I can't help the way I feel. Nothing seems to have gone right for me in the past four years and I don't know how much more crap thrown at me I can take.


  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member

    I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and also your diagnosis of anal cancer just 7 months later, along with all of the other issues you are dealing with.  While the issues with your house are beyond our scope in this support group, we are here to give you any information and support regarding your cancer.  Please do not give up on your life and find someone to talk to in your community.  I am a firm believer that God does not give us more than we can handle.  I wish you better days ahead. 

  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    edited August 2017 #3
    stillnotok... may not feel it but you sure sound like a strong woman to me! That is a lot to bear no doubt. 

    Know that you do deserve to feel better inside and out. Sometimes when I catch myself getting too caught up in things I can't control (and they do seem to come in waves and pile up one after another here as well) I try to focus on making one little part of one thing just a little better instead of the whole big messy picture.

    How do you feel physically regarding your treatment for cancer? Dating can be a nightmare, but maybe the right person will find you when you least expect it. I do some volunteer work in my community and through that have met some of the kindest most interesting people ever as well as increased my knowledge on so many problems of people in need right in my backyard. (I volunteer at a local community center/food pantry)

    Your house situation sounds terrible, and the timing couldn't be worse, I am so sorry. 

    I don't know if you're a prayerful person, but it is the one definite thing I know I can do 24/7 that has never failed me. I remind myself to pray, wait, and trust that whatever the plan is will all make sense to me at some time down the road. I will pray the same for you....


  • Wenjaim10
    Wenjaim10 Member Posts: 23
    I'm so sorry for all your

    I'm so sorry for all your heartache. I really wish I had some wise words for you, but I don't. Just know that the people in your life are so happy that you remain in their lives. I know it gets hard, but you are a,strong woman. You kicked cancers ****! I am proud of you. I know it seems like it would be easier to just throw in the towel, but it us not. Keep coming here, to this sight. We are here to support you in your time of need. 


  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    edited August 2017 #5
    Dear Friend,

    I know too well what you are going through. I'm 52 now and 1 month after I finished a nasty divorce with many big payments to pay I was diagnosed with cancer. At the time I had an other great woman by my side, but after my cancer treatment she left me emotially and we too divorced. I have many health and digestive issues the biggest being of having a colostomy bag and a 15 inch scar. I can't eat 99% of the things I used to enjoy. But I never given up on life and love. I keep trying and searching. The only limit is in our mind. We live in a world where there are limitless possibilies and there is no religious or social stigma of what we can do.

    Is dating hard, scary and disappointing most of the time? Of course. But if we have the desire to share our life with someone, no price is too much. Go out in public, enjoy human contact and socializing. Use online dating and ask friends for advise. 

    All the best!