Father 83 one year in severe secretions

Kittycat16

friends

my poor father in law has had a feeding tube a year now: he was diagnosed a year ago. My husbands family refuses to discuss stage of cancer (?) so I am flying blind. He's suffering so bad mainly from secretions just tons of mucus (they stopped chemo and radiation nearly a year ago) he can't speak due to mucus so they changed the Jed's and now his mouth is terribly dry. An added issue is many of the drugs make him delusional so I humbly ask. Does anyone know what the heck is going on? I don't think he can eat or drink as they took a test and the cancer prevents passage.

does anyone have any idea how to ease his suffering? I know I'm just a daughter in law but it horrible to watch. He's in re hab place and I pushed back but they say it's best as family can visit easily it just seems weird. 

i can't do or say much as families mind is made up but any suggestions on easing this misery would be appreciated 

Ladylacy

Your father in law

It is a horrible disease.  My husband was first diagnosed with laryngeal cancer at age 73 and then it spread to the cervical of his esophagus.  Yes the mucus was horrible and he was on a feeding tube for the majority of the 5 years he fought cancer.  You are a good DIL to be wanting to help him.  I wish ours had been as great.  While my husband wasn't as old as your FIL, thankfully the drugs never messed with his mind or spirit.  He did decide when the cancer returned for the third time that he wasn't going to do anything else.  He lasted almost 3 years from that time and was on in-home hospice for almost 2 years.  He was on pain medication and a medication to help him relax and that was it.  He was able to do for himself up until the last 2 months.  Although he never complained of pain, I could always tell by his face when the pain was bad.

Pain medication really helps and I would hope your FIL is on it, plus a medication to help him relax.   Sorry that your family won't discuss his treatment with you, maybe they don't want to accept his condition and that does happen.

Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

Deathorglory

Hello Kittycat

Hello Kittycat,

The first, most important, and basically only question is, is this what your father-in-law wants?  He may well have made his wishes know to his closest confidante (wife/son/daughter/whoever) and they are merely following his directions.  I'd suggest asking him next time you visit.  If these are his wishes, then everyone has to live with it.  If he'd prefer something else, then work with your husband to make sure his father's wishes are honored.

Best wishes,

Ed

Chicko7

Prayers

 I don't have any advice, for we too are trying to understand the battle, but know that your father-in-law and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Amie

Kittycat16

Ladylacy said:

Your father in law

It is a horrible disease.  My husband was first diagnosed with laryngeal cancer at age 73 and then it spread to the cervical of his esophagus.  Yes the mucus was horrible and he was on a feeding tube for the majority of the 5 years he fought cancer.  You are a good DIL to be wanting to help him.  I wish ours had been as great.  While my husband wasn't as old as your FIL, thankfully the drugs never messed with his mind or spirit.  He did decide when the cancer returned for the third time that he wasn't going to do anything else.  He lasted almost 3 years from that time and was on in-home hospice for almost 2 years.  He was on pain medication and a medication to help him relax and that was it.  He was able to do for himself up until the last 2 months.  Although he never complained of pain, I could always tell by his face when the pain was bad.

Pain medication really helps and I would hope your FIL is on it, plus a medication to help him relax.   Sorry that your family won't discuss his treatment with you, maybe they don't want to accept his condition and that does happen.

Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

Thank you

your post moved me to tears thank you for advice. I love him he is a great man. Yes his wife is in denial working hard to get him better. I'd probably send her through roof with hospice talk. It's painful I know if I were him I'd be okay with hospice as it's about comfort I've been advised not to mention