Purging Things

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JanJan63
JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member

Well, I still haven't found a job yet after getting fired for missing time wdue to cancer. So after two weeks of feeling sorry for myself I've decided to get rid of things that are of no use to me now in the aftermath of cancer and treatments. Has any one else done this? It's not as hard emotionally as I thought it would be but it's still hurtful. It's like an acceptance that I won't ever be the same, and that's hard.

I got rid of my beloved high heels. I'm not strong enough to trust myself in them and my feet are different now with the neuropathy and they're a size bigger for some reason. Some were barely worn and they're cute but maybe someone else will be happy to have them. I'm all about comfort now. I have enough going on without having sore feet or straps pinching me.

As far as clothes, nothing that's form fitting. My tops all have to be loose to cover the ostomy pouch. I have some really cute dresses that I will not part with but I'll never wear them again. I fit them but the pouch will fill up suddenly for seemingly no reason so I don't want to fret about it. I'm very self conscious about it and feel like everyone notices. I like to think nobody's really looking at me but I've been asked a couple of times by other people who have ostomies if I have one so obviously I'm showing something. I do check it alot to see if it's puffed up like an expectant mother rubbing her belly so maybe that's it.

Anyway, just wondering if anybody has done this, too. And how it made you feel. 

Jan

Comments

  • Tunadog
    Tunadog Member Posts: 235 Member
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    Lots of Love your way...

    After I got my Colostomy most of my pants were to small. I started going through them so I could wear some with suspenders, what didn't fit went into the pile. I got some working with suspenders and shorts also. I had to go to my father in laws funeral (93, same birthday as mine) found an old suit that fit!

    I still have lots of stuff to toss! 

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
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    Hard decisions

    Jan:

    Sorry to hear that things seem to be wearing you down a bit.  Letting go of things is difficult.  Sometimes it is easier to leave them in a closet for a while.  I know when I made an international move I had let go of a lot of things.  Some of the hardest things were attached to dreams I never accomplished.  After the cleansing, it felt good, but while going through it, it was a bit emotional.  Only you know the proper approach for you.

     

  • EissetB
    EissetB Member Posts: 133
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    I am sorry how you feel right

    I am sorry how you feel right at this moment, but honestly I hear you. Although I don't have the bag still it's hard just thinking of what's going on. Especially getting rid of things we used to use and wear. I also had to give up my job because of this cancer and therapy for 6 months. 12 sessions is way too long for me. I loved my job but had no choice but had to quit. At least I have the Cobra and it's​helping me quite a bit!! Thank God! I'd tried to claim the unemployment benefits but has been denied!! So I decided to apply to claim my early retirement. What I'll be receiving every month isn't as good as what I make from my job but I guess it's better than no income at all. 

  • Woodytele
    Woodytele Member Posts: 163
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    Totally understand

    I think the urge to purge is totally normal.  You are looking to get rid of the old and move on, I think that's a good thing.  I find myself being more particular about things, getting rid of clutter, cleaning up and throwing out more too, so I understand where you are coming from.  I also think it's normal to be self conscious with this Cancer diagnosis, I do the same thing.  If someone looks at me funny I wonder if they can see my port, or the tube that its connected to in my neck, or can they tell I have cancer..... what you are feeling is normal.  

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
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    Well, I hung onto some things

    Well, I hung onto some things for a few years but with so much time on my hands figured I should just do it. Thanks you guys! I knew you'd understand! I also kind of feel like at some point I need to get rid of things in case my health gets bad and then I'll be too tired to do it and I don't want to leave my husband and daughter to sort it all out.

    The clothes and shoes will sit in the bedroom for a few days until I get the gumption to have it taken to the donation bin. It's all stuff that's new or barely used so someone can certainly use it so that's a good thing. It just feels like an acceptance that I'll never be the same. I don't like that feeling or the feeling of giving up. But really, I'm getting older and should have done this anyway. A fifty-four year old woman doesn't need 5 inch heels, it's just wrong. I'm too old for that. Who am I trying to impress? Nobody. I spend most of my time at home in soft, comfy pants and baggy tops. I'm all about comfort now.

    Thanks for the support!

    Jan

  • PamRav
    PamRav Member Posts: 348 Member
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    Hey Jan?

    I'm m all about comfort too.  Out with old and in with the new.  Any chance you could sell to a consignment shop or have a garage sale.?  It's amazing what people will buy and with the extra cash you can replace those heels with some lovely flats. Even if you end up donating just think of all the ladies out there that you're going to make happy.  I've gotten rid of a lot too.  My body shape has completely changed. And I'm trying to figure out how to dress this new body of mine. I don't have an ostomy but my belly gets so distended sometimes. I totally look Pregnant. So it's big and  flowy for me.  

    And IMO NO ONE needs 5 inch heels theyre terrible for your feet and back and knees....

  • Cindy225
    Cindy225 Member Posts: 172 Member
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    Purging Is So Hard

    Jan - Completely agree with your feelings about about purging and living with the new normal.  I've been doing it with my clothes and personal belongings too since leaving the workforce and managing an ileostomy.  Agree it's all about comfort and it can be hip and stylish too!! Tunics, swing and peasant tops are in now and hide a bag pretty well.

    Sadly, I've also been purging my Mom and Dad's belongings as they downsized from their house to a continuing care retirement community and continue to transition within it.  I'm having to pick and chose what to save and it's so painful but it must be done.  Lesson learned is to make sure my husband and I do it now so our kids don't have to down the road...  

    Best to you as you sort through what to keep and what to purge ...

    Cindy

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
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    My purge is a little

    My purge is a little different and it's been going on for about six months to a year. The house was very much Cindy's domain, mine was the yards, garage, and pool/bar/darts room. My son brought weights into the part of the back room that was to be the man cave area. I looked around and realized the whole house could be a man cave, including the front livingroom. So I'm slowly purging things I was never that fond of: the Elvis shrine in the dining room, gone. The various forms of angels and cherubs, history. Some frilly stuff, adios. Her sweet smiling face is in the main rooms, but if I have to fly solo, I'm going to have it my way. The daughters took lots of stuff as well, so they have their keepsakes, I have the most important stuff put away, and the change is some what liberating, without taking away from the love and memories. I'm down to my 16 1/2yo granddaughter who just finished HS, and my 22yo son [my business partner] in the way back[built as a two room granny flat connected to that backroom. While it's sad to remember doing things together, as I change colors and furniture and stuff, it's also the first time in a long, long time, that I'm just doing me. I know your feeling the melancholy of purging things Jan, I thought I'd share a different feeling about a similar thing, change is a universal truth for us all, whether we like it or not..........................................Dave

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    edited June 2017 #10
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    My purge is a little

    My purge is a little different and it's been going on for about six months to a year. The house was very much Cindy's domain, mine was the yards, garage, and pool/bar/darts room. My son brought weights into the part of the back room that was to be the man cave area. I looked around and realized the whole house could be a man cave, including the front livingroom. So I'm slowly purging things I was never that fond of: the Elvis shrine in the dining room, gone. The various forms of angels and cherubs, history. Some frilly stuff, adios. Her sweet smiling face is in the main rooms, but if I have to fly solo, I'm going to have it my way. The daughters took lots of stuff as well, so they have their keepsakes, I have the most important stuff put away, and the change is some what liberating, without taking away from the love and memories. I'm down to my 16 1/2yo granddaughter who just finished HS, and my 22yo son [my business partner] in the way back[built as a two room granny flat connected to that backroom. While it's sad to remember doing things together, as I change colors and furniture and stuff, it's also the first time in a long, long time, that I'm just doing me. I know your feeling the melancholy of purging things Jan, I thought I'd share a different feeling about a similar thing, change is a universal truth for us all, whether we like it or not..........................................Dave

    Thanks for sharing that, Dave

    Thanks for sharing that, Dave. My heart hurts for you. But I also think it's healthy. My aunt passed away almost 25 years ago and my uncle hasn't changed a thing. Not even the old tube type TV. If she came back tomorrow everything would still be in it's place and the furniture is like new still. It's sad and a bit disturbing.

    When my mom passed away from pancreatic cancer she was living in a suite I'd had built in our walk out basement. I had to pack her stuff up and was such a mess emotionally that I packed things that were perishables like buns. I didn't realize until I repacked everything a year later. Luckily they'd just turned hard as rocks and hadn't gone mouldy.

    I guess we all do what we must to get by. Sending you a hug!

    Jan

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    My purge is a little

    My purge is a little different and it's been going on for about six months to a year. The house was very much Cindy's domain, mine was the yards, garage, and pool/bar/darts room. My son brought weights into the part of the back room that was to be the man cave area. I looked around and realized the whole house could be a man cave, including the front livingroom. So I'm slowly purging things I was never that fond of: the Elvis shrine in the dining room, gone. The various forms of angels and cherubs, history. Some frilly stuff, adios. Her sweet smiling face is in the main rooms, but if I have to fly solo, I'm going to have it my way. The daughters took lots of stuff as well, so they have their keepsakes, I have the most important stuff put away, and the change is some what liberating, without taking away from the love and memories. I'm down to my 16 1/2yo granddaughter who just finished HS, and my 22yo son [my business partner] in the way back[built as a two room granny flat connected to that backroom. While it's sad to remember doing things together, as I change colors and furniture and stuff, it's also the first time in a long, long time, that I'm just doing me. I know your feeling the melancholy of purging things Jan, I thought I'd share a different feeling about a similar thing, change is a universal truth for us all, whether we like it or not..........................................Dave

    Happy post, Dave

    It doesn't take stuff to make memories. Cindy is in your heart, and always will be. 

    I am happy that you are taking it slowly, and taking time. It all takes time. 

    Tru