trying to find the good in the "bad"

MMDowns

Hello Friends,

  I hope everyone had a good weekend and a good Monday.  We are in our first week, day 2 of recovery.  So far, it sucks.  Not gonna lie or sugar coat it.  It just stinks.  The euphoria of the last days has wore off and it wore off quickly.  The thick mucous is ever present, the choking and gagging is at an all time high.  The morale is low.  For both of us.  He's exhausted, I'm exhausted.  I'm tired of being the cheerleader, of trying to find the good in this bad.  He's tired of me being the cheerleader, and of the positivity that I spew at him on a regualr basis.  I know this is a very whiny post.  I know that we should be grateful that he is done.  We are. We truly are but right now...life kinda stinks.  I don't know if you all are familiar with the very popular Broadway show Hamilton?  I am a massive fan of all things theatre and that was my golden ticket.  We went to N.Y. to specifically see this show (long story on how I snagged tickets) and it was amazing.  My husband is not a huge fan of theatre but he got into this musical.  Anyway, there is a line that he quoted to me the other day from said musical "Dying is easy...living is harder".  This is not to make light of the people who have passed from this cancer or any other disease. Please know that. But at that moment that quote embodies what we are feeling and felt. 

  You can be prepared for the healing, you can be told how tough it's gonna be, you can be told of ALL of the side effects but NOTHING can truly prepare you until you are in this battle.  And we are still very much in this battle.  We had a small reprieve and then it was game on again.   We had a tough night last night.  Not just physically but emotionally.  My husband was offered the teaching position at the school where he interviewed 2 weeks ago.  We were elated for about 30 min and then the principal called back with the salary offer.  It was a joke.  13,000 less than what he makes now.  And believe me, what he makes now is low end for his degree's and 30+ yrs of teaching.  This new school is a wealthy, private school that is in no danger of closing.  Why they offered him scuh an insulting offer is beyond me...maybe they want to negotiate. But, COME ON!!!! When does this end?  I am not sure my husband can take too much more... I know I can't.

 

Sorry for the long vent... 

 

swopoe

Don't private schools pay

Don't private schools pay less? I thought I heard that somewhere. Negotiate on the job offer. You guys have been through cancer, so be fearless like I know you can and tell the job that the pay is way below the previous salary and go from there.

As for recovery, it can be hard at first. My husband just slept a lot. But every day that you get further removed from treatment is a step in the right direction. Things will get better. If you are exhausted, then rest. Get your energy back. Build yourself back up. But things will improve. It takes some time. You will get there. Chin up.

MMDowns

swopoe said:

Don't private schools pay

Don't private schools pay less? I thought I heard that somewhere. Negotiate on the job offer. You guys have been through cancer, so be fearless like I know you can and tell the job that the pay is way below the previous salary and go from there.

As for recovery, it can be hard at first. My husband just slept a lot. But every day that you get further removed from treatment is a step in the right direction. Things will get better. If you are exhausted, then rest. Get your energy back. Build yourself back up. But things will improve. It takes some time. You will get there. Chin up.

Your words of encouragement

Your words of encouragement is what we needed right now.  Thank you, thank you.  I know we will get through this.  It's just getting knocked down so many times makes it harder and harder to get up and keep fighting.  But, get up we will.    As for the pay it varies from school to school.  Because it is private the salary is based on student enrollment and the socioeconomic status of the families that are enrolled.  Where my husband is currently, the families are mid to lower income families.  The school does get donations from the diocese but a lot is based on enrollemt.  Hence, the closing of the school.  The job offer he recieved is from a wealthy private school.  The location is prime for wealthy families and the status of the school looks good on college applications.  The school has been around since the 1800's, etc... That's why we were floored by the insulting offer and even more shocked when they told my husband that they couldn't pay him what he is currently making.  So we go in swingin'.  He negotiates and we pray and hope for the best outcome.  Or that we get another offer from the other schools he has interviewed at.  It's just tiring.  But, thank you.  Your words mean a lot.   Our chins are getting higher and higher

 

CivilMatt

it is hard

MMD,

Believe you me, unless you are acutely negative to treatment side affects you are nowhere near where some of the H&N members have gone.  That being said, hang tight, it gets better at a startling snail’s pace, but that slow roll will make you appreciate everything which has happened (and about to happen).  Continue to hydrate and swallow and get enough nourishment.  The stink of recovery will be replaced with fresh air.  Your life, his life, your exhaustion, his exhaustion, his taste, his throat, his tongue, his mouth, his neck and on and on will simply get better.

If the whole recovery thing gets to be too much and you are doing everything correctly, there are always medications to help and if you live in Oregon as I do, many seek out wacky weed (not me).

Matt

Sprint Car Dude

The gift

Radiation, the gift that keeps on giving! Time will pass fast and 6-8 weeks from now he will start feeling a lot better and the symptoms of treatment will slowly start to resolve one at a time. Some are like luggage and will stay with you forever. Life does get better, the mucous will go away, the burns will heal and some of the appetite will return. It just takes the body awhile to process and normalize. You both will be just fine and things will work out. Heck the hard part of life is over and jobs come by like city buses. Just have to the right one to jump on. Matt is correct though, swallow, hydrate and protien however he can get it.  Good Luck and fight the fight.

SuzJ

MMDowns

Just as you have said many times, that you are there for me, I am here for you.

Stay strong, your strength has got me this far also. It's very tiring, I know ~ Someone suggested to me on another thread, to make plans to go somewhere, do the same!

*hugs* I am thinking of you.

Noellesmom

Take the job

Until a better one comes along. We all do that sometimes.

The road you are on is personally subjective: however hard it is for y'all then that's how hard it is. I am really sorry. Better days are coming. Hang in there.

Joel4

Baby Steps

I just passed week three post treatment and I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was in the days immediately following treatment.  Two days after, I was a wreck and could not have imagined that I'd feel as good as I do today.

Ringing the bell for me was anti climactic as I felt like crap and things only got worse in the days to follow.  just know that things will get better, look for improvement in periods of weeks and not day to day.  

Sorry about the crappy job offer, that kind of thing definitely compounds an already tough situation for you guys.

Kapital

The "good" is on the way

 You guys are at the apex of this whole ordeal. I do remember those bleak days at the end of treatment and kept my mind busy at night by planning a trip, as someone else also suggested. It gave me something else to think about and it did help. I wasn’t sure we would ever travel again, but we did, and we will. My husband is two years out of treatment now and life definitely gets better. You will get there too. The first two weeks after treatment were pretty rough, but the mucous subsides and the throat heals. It is a gradual process, but at least you are heading in the right direction.

As for the job, as you well know, quality of life is important. If it’s a great school, with great leadership and staff, I would still negotiate, but might be willing to consider a lower offer. 

 

Good luck, you are almost there! 

MMDowns

So grateful

YOU GUYS.  You guys.  Once again all of your words have reduced me to a weepy mess.  Please know that if there was a way for me to say thank you infinity, I would. So...THANK YOU INFINITY!!  It's funny how life works out.  We have gone from one tiny job offer to an acceptance of my husband's counter offer, to an email for a second job interview with the president of the school, and another job interview that happened today.  Blessings over and over.  God/Universe does work in the most wonderful, unusual way.  

 

   As far as my husband's healing... it's happening.  I know and he knows it is happening.   I just keep telling him and myself that everyday he is getting better.  It may be tiny but it makes a difference.  The most important part is that he is done with treatments.  We have to keep focused on the good.  It's tough but we are trying our best.

  I am so lucky to have all of you to whine, and vent, and talk to.  Thank you so much!!

MMDowns

CivilMatt said:

it is hard

MMD,

Believe you me, unless you are acutely negative to treatment side affects you are nowhere near where some of the H&N members have gone.  That being said, hang tight, it gets better at a startling snail’s pace, but that slow roll will make you appreciate everything which has happened (and about to happen).  Continue to hydrate and swallow and get enough nourishment.  The stink of recovery will be replaced with fresh air.  Your life, his life, your exhaustion, his exhaustion, his taste, his throat, his tongue, his mouth, his neck and on and on will simply get better.

If the whole recovery thing gets to be too much and you are doing everything correctly, there are always medications to help and if you live in Oregon as I do, many seek out wacky weed (not me).

Matt

I read your words to my

I read your words to my husband last night.  I could tell that it meant a lot to him and he felt a bit more inspired after.  Thanks, Matt

MMDowns

SuzJ said:

MMDowns

Just as you have said many times, that you are there for me, I am here for you.

Stay strong, your strength has got me this far also. It's very tiring, I know ~ Someone suggested to me on another thread, to make plans to go somewhere, do the same!

*hugs* I am thinking of you.

*HUGS* to you, my friend.  We

*HUGS* to you, my friend.  We are definitely going on vacation in June!  I legit have a countdown on my phone umtil we leave.  It can't come soon enough.  How are you?  Hang in there!  Think about you everyday!  

MMDowns

Noellesmom said:

Take the job

Until a better one comes along. We all do that sometimes.

The road you are on is personally subjective: however hard it is for y'all then that's how hard it is. I am really sorry. Better days are coming. Hang in there.

We now have one solid job

We now have one solid job offer and another possible one.  I feel better and they accepted his counteroffer.  That was a huge plus.  I know better days are coming, sometimes I whine and then tell myself to get over it, suck it up, and be there for my hubby.  

MMDowns

Joel4 said:

Baby Steps

I just passed week three post treatment and I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was in the days immediately following treatment.  Two days after, I was a wreck and could not have imagined that I'd feel as good as I do today.

Ringing the bell for me was anti climactic as I felt like crap and things only got worse in the days to follow.  just know that things will get better, look for improvement in periods of weeks and not day to day.  

Sorry about the crappy job offer, that kind of thing definitely compounds an already tough situation for you guys.

I have wondered how you are

I have wondered how you are feeling?  I am glad to hear that you also are feeling better everyday.   They accepted my hubby's counteroffer, thank god.  We are feeling much better.  We just have to be patient ( a large feat for me).  Take care and I hope to hear updates as weeks turn into months!

MMDowns

Kapital said:

The "good" is on the way

 You guys are at the apex of this whole ordeal. I do remember those bleak days at the end of treatment and kept my mind busy at night by planning a trip, as someone else also suggested. It gave me something else to think about and it did help. I wasn’t sure we would ever travel again, but we did, and we will. My husband is two years out of treatment now and life definitely gets better. You will get there too. The first two weeks after treatment were pretty rough, but the mucous subsides and the throat heals. It is a gradual process, but at least you are heading in the right direction.

As for the job, as you well know, quality of life is important. If it’s a great school, with great leadership and staff, I would still negotiate, but might be willing to consider a lower offer. 

 

Good luck, you are almost there! 

We negotiated and they

We negotiated and they accepted. We went from no offers to one solid and one 95% sure they will offer and one good job interview.  So now we feel like we have some wiggle room.  We are also going on vacation in June!!  Thank you for your kind word, they mean everything to me.  

MMDowns

Sprint Car Dude said:

The gift

Radiation, the gift that keeps on giving! Time will pass fast and 6-8 weeks from now he will start feeling a lot better and the symptoms of treatment will slowly start to resolve one at a time. Some are like luggage and will stay with you forever. Life does get better, the mucous will go away, the burns will heal and some of the appetite will return. It just takes the body awhile to process and normalize. You both will be just fine and things will work out. Heck the hard part of life is over and jobs come by like city buses. Just have to the right one to jump on. Matt is correct though, swallow, hydrate and protien however he can get it.  Good Luck and fight the fight.

Ugghh, you are so right.

Ugghh, you are so right.  Where can i return this gift?!  And you are so right about jobs, we now have 3 potential offers instead of one.  IN less than 24hrs.  Life is crazy and good.  I know we will get there.  I told my hubby it's like the first week of treatment.  It was awful but we got through it, and the second week was better, by the 4th we were old hats at it.  It requires taking it day to day again.  We are not completely out of the woods but man, we are getting so close.  We are definitely still fighting the fight! 

Noellesmom

I think you are doing great

Just hang in there.

swopoe

Great news on the job front!

Great news on the job front! Hope things just continue to improve!

mskitty137

MMDowns, I swear I think you

MMDowns, I swear I think you can read my mind. Your rant was spot on for how we are feeling. I just keep repeating to myself, this will get better this will get better, this will get better. Oh and the occasional Xanax is helping too.

Congrats on your husbands excellent prospects on the job front. Sounds like all the positive energy flowing your way is doing good. 

Hugs, Susan 

MMDowns

Noellesmom said:

I think you are doing great

Just hang in there.

I'm hangin'  :)

I'm hangin'  

MMDowns

swopoe said:

Great news on the job front!

Great news on the job front! Hope things just continue to improve!

Thank you!  I think we are

Thank you!  I think we are finally on the right track