My wife will be having a double mastectomy, looking for advise.

Mr-fixit
Mr-fixit Member Posts: 2

My wife' twin had a double mastectomy last year as a result of a fast moving cancer. Since then my wife has tested positive for the PALB2 gene and has decited to be proactive and opted for a double matectomy. 

I am one of those guys who can be dropped in the middle of nowhere with a pocket knife and a stick of gum and build you a shopping mall but I am totally lost with the prospect of my sweet love being cut apart. I feel so helpless and scared with all that I don't know, any sugjestions to prepare would be greatly appreciated.

I plan to take time off from work to be home with her, I want to do whatever I can to be supportive and help her through this awful experiance.

I hear that the drains are tough to deal with, and she is really concerned with being comfertable, would a recliner be better that getting in and out of bed?

This is my best friend and I just want to rise to the occasion.

 

Thanks  

Comments

  • Terinh1982
    Terinh1982 Member Posts: 12
    edited April 2017 #2
    Hello im terin i went through

    Hello im terin i went through this six years ago and the drains are a pain to deal with i slept in the recliner chair until i healed and the one thing With the drains to wear lose clothing that helps a lot because her chest is going to be very sensitive be sure she has some soft clothing shirts she can wear or lose active wear jackets that zip.and then the other thing that helped me and espically if she has to do chemo is i had a heated blanket because it helped a lot with bone pain , and i dont know as to what treatment shell have like chemo or radiation or both that helped me a lot and if she does have to do chemo get her some clairten D allergy to Take everyday this sounds crazy but it does work helps not getting the aful bone pain from chemo and the shot she has to get the next day after chemo it so helps a lot and take it throughout her entire treatment and afterwords too because it helps  and one thing with the drains i took showers and you can get these plastic suction cups with hooks on them to suction to the wall so that she can rest her drains on them while showering helps a lot . And if you have any other. Questions feel free to contact me be glad to help

    sincerely  Terin 

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member

    Hello im terin i went through

    Hello im terin i went through this six years ago and the drains are a pain to deal with i slept in the recliner chair until i healed and the one thing With the drains to wear lose clothing that helps a lot because her chest is going to be very sensitive be sure she has some soft clothing shirts she can wear or lose active wear jackets that zip.and then the other thing that helped me and espically if she has to do chemo is i had a heated blanket because it helped a lot with bone pain , and i dont know as to what treatment shell have like chemo or radiation or both that helped me a lot and if she does have to do chemo get her some clairten D allergy to Take everyday this sounds crazy but it does work helps not getting the aful bone pain from chemo and the shot she has to get the next day after chemo it so helps a lot and take it throughout her entire treatment and afterwords too because it helps  and one thing with the drains i took showers and you can get these plastic suction cups with hooks on them to suction to the wall so that she can rest her drains on them while showering helps a lot . And if you have any other. Questions feel free to contact me be glad to help

    sincerely  Terin 

    Hello fix it..understand your are very concerned ..you want only best for your wife!! i just had left breast Mastectomy last month due to cancer and large amount lymph nodes were removed. sounds like your wife is doing PREVENTIVE MEASURES because of her twin testing.. just support her in whatever her decision is and love and support her... the drains are uncomfortable but i only had them in for about a little over a week (8 days) it just depends on the amt of drainage and if she will have to have those (not sure she just need to ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS TO HER DOCTOR) BUT my doctor gave me these cool little pouch that someone made to hang around my neck to put the drains in so i can have them in a staple place (it was just a little square piece of cotton cloth that someone sewed together and made a long cotton strap to hang around my neck (long enough to reach little below my belly) it was great i even used it when taking showers . YES A recliner is a great plus especially 1st few weeks or until the drain is removed.    She will be fine  (a lady told me a few days ago all of her Aunts had the same surgery because they had the traits. ITS A INDIVIDUAL CHOICE OF COURSE....SENDING UP PRAYERS AND SUCCESS TO BOTH TWIN SISTERS AND YOU  AND YOUR FAMILY FOR YOUR SUPPORT.....BEEPOSITIVE  SmileSmile

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    NO advice-just pixie dust

    NO advice-just pixie dust heading your way.

     

    Denise

  • tufi000
    tufi000 Member Posts: 745
    edited April 2017 #5
    Love the movie line reference!

    I have the same kind of guy and am always quoting that line when I want him fix something. HAHA Anyway, the best things he did besides the concrete help issues of care was the constant reassurance of my worth and our relationship. This will be a new normal, as we say here, and her self identity will have to adjust as will yours.

    You sound wonderful even though I understand the fears, in our case his fury at not being able to FIX this. A new experience for him. You seem so open and caring, follow your instincts and you will be fine I'm sure.

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    edited April 2017 #6
    Double Mastectomy

    While we are all going through bc, we are each doing it differently, yet some things can be simular.  What helps one person may not help another and so on.  Some people are wiped out physically by some treatments and others bounce right through.  But we Pink ladies love and understand good days and bad days and we try to be understanding.   I had a double masectomy and chose no reconstruction.  While healing I needed something snug over the bandages so I used Men's T's (wife beater)  in a larger sized to keep things snug.   The moment of clothing is nerve wracking and can be painful.   Your doctors can help you with alot of info to give you on coping skills and OT meds. 

    Rest, water, watermelon, be kind to yourself.  This is not a race.  Be kind to yourself.

    Hugs

    Annie

  • Mr-fixit
    Mr-fixit Member Posts: 2
    Thank you all

    All of the feedback and suggestions are so appreciated, I'm humbled and I can't thank you enough. 

     

  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    Listen to HER!

    LISTEN to HER and what she actually says - not what you 'think' you 'should do or what you 'want' to hear.

    She is not the same person or has the same needs/wants thaat are exactly the same as any of us had.

    Do not try to make her an 'invalid'.  Encourage her to do what she wants/needs to do to be/feel that she is who she is and has always been.

    When I was DXd, it was very hard on Hubby (of 34 yrs at the time) as I've never had any health issues worse than sinus infection til my IBC DX.  But what was the worse for him was that he had lost his Mom to Cervical Cancer when he was 9 yrs old.  He and Son got together and divided up all the chores I had to do daily so I didn't,have to worry about barn chores (horses) if I didn't feel like. doing them as Son took over all of them.  Hubby took over house chores and pet chores (dogs and my bunny) if I didn't feel like doing,'whatever'.  I was never made to feel like I couldn't do these chores when I wanted,to/was up to doing them (or any part of them) - I just didn't have to worry about anything - all would be taken care of.

    Sorry for rambling a bit.   Point of it is that we are each so unique and while there some similarities there are no absolutes as to what is best for us individually.   

    Listen to her - not just with your ears but also with your eyes and that'wee small voice that says so much even without words spoken.

    Thoughts and prayers for you both and all who are dealing with what is going on in family.  Hope you can gain even a small grain from my comments.

     

    Winyan - The Power Within.

  • marijan
    marijan Member Posts: 4
    im sorry

    im sorry to hear that.. its hard to see someone get into so much pain. have you watched chris beats cancer or the truth about cancer? it might help give you some ideas or could help in making decisions before you both decide on something like going through what the docs say.

  • Lydia1234
    Lydia1234 Member Posts: 8
    edited April 2017 #10
    Drains

    I don't know if this will be of any help to you but my husband had a drain for 3 weeks after prostate removal due to  prostate cancer. We used a cord tied around his neck to hang the drain bag on so it didn't pull on it. He could adjust the length to suit & it was cheap. We had two & changed it after shower & let the wet one dry. He had problems with leaking around where the drain came out. My solution was to take a maxi pad & cut it in half, cut a slit into it to fit around the drain tube & tape it over the gauze dressing. The back side of the pads are plastic to prevent leaks and this kept him dry. I had breast cancer surgery and treatment a year ago. He said the right things & supported me & took care of me. The best thing he said to me was we would do whatever it took to get me healthy & that was the important thing. I told him the same thing when he was diagnosed. We prop each other up. After 35 years of marriage that's what matters. Love her and be there for her even if you can't fix everything.

  • button2
    button2 Member Posts: 421
    Great husband

    You are doing everything right. She's a lucky lady. The best thing my husband did was taking it all in stride. I was afraid when he first saw my incision, but he never flinched. He said it looked better than he expected. This immediately put me at ease. He was such a help holding my drains and helping me to shower. And later when she is healed, keep giving positive comments and not hesitating to touch her just like before. No woman wants to feel her husband is put off by her chest surgery. 

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    edited April 2017 #12
    NO advice, just hugs and

    NO advice, just hugs and pixie dust on her way!

     

    Denise