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Georgia0701

My husband has metastatic esophageal cancer and is quickly losing the battle.  We have 3 children, and I am truly at my wit's end.  Between trying to work, caring for him, being a mom and having my heart break every single day watching my husband fight yet not winning (when he was never sick a single day in his life prior to this), I do not know how others manage.  My faith is shaking and I am not prepared for the future without him.  He is not coping well with any of this either, and I am the daily target for his anger and frustrations and even threatening divorce when he thinks I do not love him anymore or want to move on with my life.  The fact is that he is my life, and I was just not prepared for this so soon after losing my dad to cancer a few years ago. 

Noellesmom

I hear you

The walls are crashing on and you are trying to hold them up all by yourself.

Whatever time your husband has he needs to get a grip and give you some help in surviving this. 

How old are your children?

Is your husband still working?

No matter what the course,Georgia, all will be well. Not what you had planned, perhaps, but you will get through this.

Catholic

I have been down the same

I have been down the same path.  I have 3 young kids as well and my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a year of chemotherapy and now its been a year since chemotherapy.  I have been the daily target of her anger for at least 4 years.  Its not fun at all.  Whenever I try talking to my wife, she shouts me down and demands a divorce.  And the constant demands for divorce and the fact that my wife lives in the basement most of the day have taken a toll. 

To reply to your comment "I do not know how others manage", my reply is not well.   Its a constant struggle.  You have to find breaks and time to take off and find peace for yourself or else you go crazy.  Find a regular time during the day to just rest, go for a walk, anything.

MMDowns

Catholic said:

I have been down the same

I have been down the same path.  I have 3 young kids as well and my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a year of chemotherapy and now its been a year since chemotherapy.  I have been the daily target of her anger for at least 4 years.  Its not fun at all.  Whenever I try talking to my wife, she shouts me down and demands a divorce.  And the constant demands for divorce and the fact that my wife lives in the basement most of the day have taken a toll. 

To reply to your comment "I do not know how others manage", my reply is not well.   Its a constant struggle.  You have to find breaks and time to take off and find peace for yourself or else you go crazy.  Find a regular time during the day to just rest, go for a walk, anything.

I am so sorry to hear that

I am so sorry to hear that your relationship is strugging because of the cancer.  I think others tend to forget that cancer does not just affect people physically but mentally as well.  How could it not? You're faced to face with your own mortality.  Something we have never had to really think about but when a illness forces us to, how scary.  Not to be too forward, but would you both consider therapy?  I notice that your username is Catholic, and being a Catholic myself I do know that divorce isn't the best idea but maybe it would be something to consider or discuss in therapy?   You have to take care of you as well.  Your level of happiness in this world matters too.   Best of luck!

here4lfe

Your husband needs counseling

My wife had a counselor that she saw once a month. She had a strong faith, but this counselor gave her tools and an outlet to help her with her inner thoughts on dying.

As for yourself, get some rest when you can, sleep (I got a prescription for sleeping pills to help me), and maintain your friendships.

Best

betula

Bless you

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Such a difficult time and difficult to know what to do next.  I do agree that counseling and supportive care would be needed for you both.  Can you check with your provider about counseling services.  As a caregiver you need the support of others in the same situation. 

Bless you

Catholic

MMDowns said:

I am so sorry to hear that

I am so sorry to hear that your relationship is strugging because of the cancer.  I think others tend to forget that cancer does not just affect people physically but mentally as well.  How could it not? You're faced to face with your own mortality.  Something we have never had to really think about but when a illness forces us to, how scary.  Not to be too forward, but would you both consider therapy?  I notice that your username is Catholic, and being a Catholic myself I do know that divorce isn't the best idea but maybe it would be something to consider or discuss in therapy?   You have to take care of you as well.  Your level of happiness in this world matters too.   Best of luck!

I appreciate the reply.  Im

I appreciate the reply.  Im happy to hear that my level of happiness in this world matters.  Very kind words.

My wife literally never lets me talk.  If I say anything, she shouts me down.  She got an apartment during chemotherapy and I called her every day and told her about the kids and talked to her for at least an hour a day. When chemotherapy ended and she came back to the house, it was and has been awful.  She was in a fair mood for about 2 months and then quickly went back to her old ways which is what I would classify as regular extreme anger. She never lets me speak now.  If I say anything (and I mean anything), she is enraged and leaves and talks divorce.  And yes, I did suggest therapy.

We visited her family last summer when the chemotherapy end.  I was hoping more than anything that she would stay with her sister and mom.  Her mom came to our hotel room to convince her to take this medicine that a doctor prescribed.  She shouted her down and never took the medicine. I have long given up hope that she will ever be a reasonable person.  This July we are visiting her mom and sister again. Help me in praying that she stays with them or that they convince her to get an apartment.