Feeling Lost

ttrose99

My husband went for chemo this last time and was told his platelets were way to low to receive treatment. Now we wait two more weeks to see if they go up so he can receive his next treatment. With all this going on last January he had gotten a mesh put into his belly and that has been causing him pain. So, between the cancer, the cirrhosis he had gotten from his last cjemo treatment 6 years ago...I feel lost on what I can do for him. There are other issues going on that I believe I have either forgotten about or am getting mixed up with someone else. Either way he is always tired and in pain. He has his pain meds from his doctor and I am trying my best not to hover over him but that is so hard not to do. We had finally found each other about 2 and half years ago and I am not ready to say goodbye. So, everyday I feel lost...like there should be more I should be doing for him. Am I wrong? Why do I feel like God has left my side and my dad (who has passed) has left my side as well? With him having a very low platelet count he was told to even be careful checking his sugar. Which he needs to do because his last cancer surgery left him with 5/8ths of his pancreas. He had a whipple done in 2011 and that saved his life because the cancer was wrapped around his intestines and attached to his stomach. He has been through alot and I thank God every day he is in my life because that is a blessing for both of us. Sorry I am rambling on I just needed to get this out and didn't know where to turn. How do I stay positive? Why do I feel so alone? 

 

Sorry didn't proof read:)

Noellesmom

First of all

What have you done for yourself lately?

If you don't refresh yourself, spend time talking to God and simply understand that all of this is just a process.

Caregivers can have a hard time taking a step back and seeing the big picture.  Give yourself permission to do that.

I know this is hard and I've said a prayer for you, rose.

ttrose99

It's hard to take time for

It's hard to take time for myself. But when I have to drive and I'm alone in the car I call that "me time". No matter how much time I get that is alone time with no one asking me to do anything for them. 

Catholic

Thats not enough me time.

Thats not enough me time.  Take more time for yourself.  Take yourself out to breakfast, lunch or dinner.  Go for walks; anything. You say "its hard to take time for myself" and I get that.  I have a demanding job and young kids and can barely keep my head screwed on.  But you have to make time for yourself or your going to find yourself with caregiver burnout.  

I felt very burned out and was "feeling lost" as well.  You say "Why do I feel like God has left my side" and then "I thank God every day he is in my life" and I said the same thing.  Back, forth.  Back forth.  God left me, I thank God.  God left me, I thank God.  Trust me when I say I have been down this path (and for years, not months).  If your ever in the Wisconsin area, let me know and we can share stories.  But until then, take some time for your self and start carving out time for yourself every day.  Get up, go for a walk, eat healthy and clear out your mind.  Then tackle the days burdens. You need more me time and not just me time in the car.

ttrose99

Your right

I have got to start doing something. I am just back up to a wall and cry every night. With so much going on I do need to some kind other "me time" that makes me feel better. Thank you. Sounds like a kick in a butt. With all this being new to me I just don't know or understand a lot of this. Thank you very much and I just might take you up on that offer.