Post Cancer treatment Problems

JCL1985

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm writing this as a son of my mother that had cancers throat, she been cancer free for about 6 years now. The problem is that more and more my mom are more angry and unreasonable out of no where. she don't trust anyone, paranoid and angry around me and the familes members. She seems to ack normal around people that don't really know her. She seems to be normal and happy one day and the next day she can turn into a different person. She is now 61 years old, i don't know if this is because of post cancer treament, menopause or she got bipolar/depression. She don't seem like she notice all this problems and i try to call her doctor to let them know of this to get advise. but because doctor patient confidentiality, i can't schedule appointment.

I'm very thankful for any advise in advance, and sorry if my writing is bad.

 

JCL.

Noellesmom

Cancer

Changes people sometimes.

Has this been a problem just recently or ever since the cancer?

CherieLW

A lot has changed for her and

A lot has changed for her and a lot of ppl react different ways. I would guess depression. Would she talk to a counselor?

JCL1985

She always been a little hot

She always been a little hot headed and we been supporting her the best that we could, but recently she becoming more and more unreasonable. She start blaming me and my dad for everything. i had try asking her to see a counselor but just end up getting yell at saying i'm crazy to even say that to her.

slk2015

Changes

What you are describing is probably not normal even after cancer, especially the paranoia and angry outbursts.  I would urge you to see if you can get her into a neurologist.  If you present the idea as necessary due to her cancer treatment and a possible after-effect, she might take it better.  Show concern and let her know this is about helping her be sure she's okay.  Good luck.

JCL1985

Deark slk2015,

Deark slk2015,

Thank you, thing is that both me and my father were alway supporting her. but now we about 3-4 years after her post cancer treatment, and my father is just kind of giving up on it. dueing her treatment and 5 years after, she been timit. after the 5 years mark she start to be like want to pick a fight with my dad, always trying to set find things to fight about. that i start to think it becoming not from the cancer/post cancer treatment, and not sure if it becoming more of a mental illness.

i want to take her to a doctor, but we are a Asian family and this is somewhat of a taboo subject. i have called her family doctor, and ask them that next time she come in for a visit have check her for it. i know this might not be the best way to do things and but i also don't want to make things wrost.

Captain Australia

You can approach counselling delicately

Hi Mate

First up - don't make assumptions about your mother - there could be something going on behind the scenes .. example, your father may have cheated on her and she found out, and is having trouble hiding her anger from you, but concealed the matter to protect you from knowing.  Anything is possible, and until you KNOW the cause, you don't KNOW what's wrong .. and should therefore approach it in a non-judgemental and gentle way.

I'd suggest that you could raise the issue of seeing a doctor, but not in this way "Mother, we think you might have a mental illness and want to get you diagnosed", but instead, "Mom, I love you, and I can tell that you're suffering with something - unhappiness, anger.  I worry that you're stressed out by cancer, or something else, would you like to talk to me about it ?"  (and when she becomes awkward) "Mom, if you don't want to talk to me, that's OK .. but what about a counsellor .. someone who can listen to whatever is wrong, and make helpful suggestions ?"

My guess is menopause.  But whatever it is, she could use your help - so gather all of your tools and find a way to help her

AnotherSurvivor

Be kind, for everyone is

Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.  

It could be a great many things.  It is possible that she has a vitamin D deficit.  A simple, easily correctable problem that can trigger massive depression.   She could have a tyroid problem, it is very common in women her age, but a T-3 shortage can cause huge behavioral changes, and is corrected by a common drug that costs maybe $30 per month.  I'd start by getting her to go in for a simple health exam with basic blood work including a TSH test.   She should be doing that anyway. 

JCL1985

Captain Australia said:

You can approach counselling delicately

Hi Mate

First up - don't make assumptions about your mother - there could be something going on behind the scenes .. example, your father may have cheated on her and she found out, and is having trouble hiding her anger from you, but concealed the matter to protect you from knowing.  Anything is possible, and until you KNOW the cause, you don't KNOW what's wrong .. and should therefore approach it in a non-judgemental and gentle way.

I'd suggest that you could raise the issue of seeing a doctor, but not in this way "Mother, we think you might have a mental illness and want to get you diagnosed", but instead, "Mom, I love you, and I can tell that you're suffering with something - unhappiness, anger.  I worry that you're stressed out by cancer, or something else, would you like to talk to me about it ?"  (and when she becomes awkward) "Mom, if you don't want to talk to me, that's OK .. but what about a counsellor .. someone who can listen to whatever is wrong, and make helpful suggestions ?"

My guess is menopause.  But whatever it is, she could use your help - so gather all of your tools and find a way to help her

Hello Cap,

Hello Cap,

 

After a visiting a few fourm, i found there are other woment with kind of the same problem as my mom. and it seem to be cost by perimenopause and menopause. they have bioidentical hormone replacement therapy and say to be getting better. so i need to just get my mom to go see a doctor and see what happen. but yes, after i found the information from another fourm i am glad that it seems this is more of medical problem than mental.

Thank you for the advice.

SuzJ

Menopause

is hell! I did surgical menopause at 36.

I ran away in snowstorms, threatened my neighbough, was homicidal, suicidal, you name it...

y mother was just like yours, we used to hide. One day on my way home from school, I stopped at the health food store, I bought Evening Primrose Oil, Royal Jelly (bee stuff) and something else. I got home first, and I just put them on the kitchen table, then hid in my room. a while later dad came home, he came up, and said it was ok to come down. Mum was sitting at the table in tears, she hadn't realized just how bad she had become, so while she waited for a Drs appt, she took the supplements I had bought, and I got my mum back.

 

Me? My friend terry asked me to go to the Dr with her, and the friend in me said "of course!" we got there and the Dr said, so Sue, whats going on? I replied, we are here for terry? she said no, she made this for you. I replied, "Well if terry thinks somethings wrong with me, then terry can tell you! My Dr said hmm.. I see what you mean! she gave me HRT and antidepressants, but within 24 hrs of taking the first HRT, I felt human again.

 

A better person to ask would be her mother, she'll know if its about the same time, and no one argues with their Mother.

JCL1985

SuzJ, thank you for sharing

SuzJ, thank you for sharing your story. the thing is i am trying to help my mom with everything i could, from me and my dad's views, we can see her mood can change in anytime. she could be all smile and happy and 2mins later start yelling and just going crazy. I have ask her to go see her OBGYN since she hasn't seen one in forever. but maybe it's a asian thing and because of that she was treated there for cancer before and now scare of going back to the hospital. in anyway she say she don't want to go see a doctor. and without that it's hard to get her help.... and we are just trying our best to deal with that...

SuzJ

Do the herbal thing first

maybe at some point, she'll realize. She sounds menopausal to me.

ClaCla

MENOPAUSE

Age 61 is pretty old to be going through menopause.  Age 51 is the averge age.  But if she's still got he behavioral changes you were describing, her doctor can do a simple blood test to find out.   If this is still a problem, I strongly recommend you firmly explain that this is not an acceptable way for the family to be living and there's no need for her to be suffering.   So you are going to make a doctor's appointment for her that you are going to sit in on.  My husband had gotten so awful for a while and I still have no idea what it was all about; I even suspected demntia or something.  But I insisted on going with him to see his doctor and to discuss medications or other treatment to help.  Result was that the doctor referred him for some physical and psychological evaluation tests.  For some reason hearing what I had to say to the doctor (which I did with a lot of respect, although I was very honest), was really all it took.  Well that and the threat that he was going to have to go do the evaluations if things didn't change.  Since then he has only become sweeter.  Maybe it was just a way of shaking some sense in to him.  But it was the solution.  Good luck and God bless.