Just got to get it off my chest

MyNewNormal

 My husband seems to be weaker and weaker, not as bad as it could be, and will be but for him it is hard to not be able to do the things he once did. It s very hard for me. I have started having anxiety attacks sometime swhen I start talking about him top someone. I try to keep my real feelings from him, I act like today is just another day. Sometime I think he thinks I dont reall ybelieve what is going to happen to us, like he is ok he'll get over this sort of thing.  I am so stressed that it is hard to really concentrate on work, and I have to keep my job for now and for the eventuality of things. 

My family lives in another state so I can only talk with my sisters by phone. My husband's family has been very good, although they don't really understand the difference between this happening to a son/brother and the love of your life, the man that you planned to spend your retirement with.

When things go bad and my husband is gone, they will be able to go on with their lives, even kinda forget about it on a daily basis. But for me it will be everyday every minute of my life. How can I do that?? How can I face life alone?

Sorry just a bad kind of day I guess. I need to just get things off my chest once in a while.

gcrich677

Glad you shared

MyNewNormal, thank you for sharing. It isn't the same when it's your spouse instead of another family member.  It is so hard to watch my husband incapable of doing most of the things he used to do.  I'm not hiding my feelings as much as I used to as he deserves to know how much I love him and how incredibly hard this can be.  I try not to vent too much but that doesn't always happen.  

I'm having a bad day today and he has been very supportive of how much I do for him.  It has really helped me out and I'm glad we're here for each other.  Your story reminds me to appreciate my time with him and to do my best to come from a place of love.

i don't know your story and I don't know anything about your husband but we lost my brother-in-law to lung cancer in October.  My sister-in-law has said the exact same thing about what is she going to do without him and has retreated from life for a few months now.  I am hopeful that she is starting to pick up the pieces again.  She came over the other day to bring my husband some soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.  I'm so grateful that she is showing signs that he grief is lessening even if for just one afternoon at a time.

Hang in there.

Ladylacy

Life without

My husband fought the battle for 5 years and then lost.  We were one month short of our 53rd wedding anniversary and had dated 2 years before marrying as I was still in high school.  I married him after graduation.  He was older.  So being alone for the first time ever has been very hard, something I never thought about even during the beginning of his battle.  None of our sons live close by and two want me to sell and move closer to them.  I can be thankful that he was able to do for himself except for the last two months of his time.  It was hard to watch him not being able to do what he loved and that was working in the yard or even just walking around outside.  And when I told him he couldn't drive any longer, he was upset with me but he was getting weaker and was on a good deal of pain medication.   One of our grandsons tells me he will always remember when I chased grandpa around the front yard when he was on the riding lawn mover which he was too weak to be riding it and I was afraid he would kill himself.  My neighbor tells me she thinks of that all the time and how funny it was.  Yes looking back it was funny but it was also dangerous.

Remember all the good times and don't be afraid to talk with your husband about the future.  But you might find, he won't talk about it -- mine wouldn't.  Thankfully I was the one who handled paying the bills, the bank account, etc.   He always would thank me for all that I did for him, even at the end when I lost my temper and said things I regret today.  I would always tell him I wasn't mad at him only the situation.  We do lose our patience and say things we wish we could take back but can't.  I always would say I'm sorry and that I love you, but still I did lose it at times and it is normal to do.  He would tell the doctors and the hospice nurses that it was my caregiving that was keeping him alive.  He never really complained about anything but was depressed about the situation which he wouldn't admit.  It is normal and normal for you too.  My doctor finally give me something for nerves and to help me rest. 

Wishing you peace and comfort