Young, widowed and feeling alone

amburroni

Back in October of 2016, I lost my husband to Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia treated at Strong Memorial Hospital Wilmont Cancer Center in Rochester, NY. He was 31 and I am 28. We did not have children. We were together for 6 years before he passed. Although I have the support of my friends and family, I cant help but fell like I'm alone. Even when we were getting treatment there didnt seem to be many young people dealing with this. Anyone else in a similar situation? 

JerzyGrrl

Feeling alone...

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just three months is reason enough to feel alone, especially after being together for 6 years.  Glad to hear you have family and friends who are supportive.

You're right, though, certain kinds of cancer (and various other diseases) do seem to hit people at different times in their lives. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia doesn't tend to clobber folks who are young adults, if memory serves me.  My spouse (who did not have cancer, but I was the caregiver due to other health issues) was older than I was and began to have medical issues early in life, so I felt really out of the loop when we'd be with couples who were waiting for one or the other to have treatment. They were often times as old or older than my parents, so -- yeah -- it was definitely weird / disconnected.... 

Have you heard of Soaring Spirits International? I've only recently heard of them because of their website.  They're a non-profit whose goal is to connect widows with other widows and resources (They even have something called "Camp Widow" -- several events, in fact). The photos on their website and Facebook page show younger widows (Looks like real photos, not phony stock ones).  Their website is soaringspirits.org and they sure seem to have some interesting forums and activities that you can even do from the warmth of your home in wintery Upstate NY. 

Take care --

Jerzy

amburroni

JerzyGrrl said:

Feeling alone...

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just three months is reason enough to feel alone, especially after being together for 6 years.  Glad to hear you have family and friends who are supportive.

You're right, though, certain kinds of cancer (and various other diseases) do seem to hit people at different times in their lives. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia doesn't tend to clobber folks who are young adults, if memory serves me.  My spouse (who did not have cancer, but I was the caregiver due to other health issues) was older than I was and began to have medical issues early in life, so I felt really out of the loop when we'd be with couples who were waiting for one or the other to have treatment. They were often times as old or older than my parents, so -- yeah -- it was definitely weird / disconnected.... 

Have you heard of Soaring Spirits International? I've only recently heard of them because of their website.  They're a non-profit whose goal is to connect widows with other widows and resources (They even have something called "Camp Widow" -- several events, in fact). The photos on their website and Facebook page show younger widows (Looks like real photos, not phony stock ones).  Their website is soaringspirits.org and they sure seem to have some interesting forums and activities that you can even do from the warmth of your home in wintery Upstate NY. 

Take care --

Jerzy

Thank you! I will certainly

Thank you! I will certainly look into that!

LindaK.

I am also in Rochester

Hello, my husband was also treated at Wilmot after one year of sub par care at Unity and Interlakes Oncology.  We switched to Wilmot after his cancer came back and I had to call his oncologist (office connected to Unity) and wait 4 days for him to make his way over to the hospital.  Wilmot was fantastic.  My husband spent his last 11 days at the Leo Center for Caring, a hospice facility next to St. Ann's Home.  He was 61 and I am now 55.  He passed away 2 years and 3 months ago.  I went to a bereavement group for almsot a year through Visiting Nurse early into my widowhood.  They have several groups that meet throughout the week.  I went to the evening group in Gates since I still work full time.  I was always the youngest one in the group, but I found great comfort there.  When I started there were 5 widows and the group was led by 2 widows.  We could laugh and cry and we all understood each other, despite our ages.  I also went to a therapist 1:1 who also helped me very much.  I had never done group or individual therapy before but I was open to anything that might help me.  I have grown step children and 2 teenage grandsons but live alone with my cat. 

If you live in Rochester and would like to get together to talk sometime, send me a message.  I think I'm doing pretty good now, but I will never be the same after losing my husband of 30 years.

Linda

here4lfe

I know what you mean

The hospice that cared for my wife had a widowers group that met once a month. I was the youngest there. It was good however to be with people in a similar situation. I went for six months until I could stand on my own two feet.

Take care and take time. The pain never completely goes away but you learn to breathe again.

Barbara365

To all of the above who were left here...

I am 7 and a half months out from my husband's passing. I've completed GriefShare (which helped) but now am experiencing the ongoing sorrow of missing him. I'd been with him for 47 years. To you three, perhaps you'd like to consider the SoaringSpirits widows and widowers "camp" (it's in a hotel in Toronto) this coming November. I'm going; taking a Greyhound so I can rest on the way up and back. Details here: http://www.campwidow.org/camp-widow-toronto    I feel like no one else really understands except someone who has lost the love of their life.