Just needing to talk

Lunanoon
Lunanoon Member Posts: 2
in Breast Cancer #1

my mom just found she has cance again  and we started fighting over small things and I'm finding my self saying mean or hatefu words and I just need someone to talk to. 

Comments

  • Sasu
    Sasu Member Posts: 39
    edited January 2017 #2
    You need to talk

    a cancer diagnosis is scary for everyone.....family, friends, the person who has the cancer.    I think it hits the kids hardest.   Emotions run crazy during times of stress, and it's important for both you and your mother to know this. you didn't say how old you were, but it really doesn't make much difference, because your Mom is still diagnosed with cancer.  when you get a chance to calm down, talk to your Mom and tell her how you feel and tell her you didn't mean to say those things.  Tell her how upset and scared you are.     Then listen to her.  I think you will be able to face this together.    When you get a chance, you need to check to see what help there is available for families of cancer patients. It's nice to have other people to talk to that are worried about their family members just like you are.  Remember, you are not an awful person.  You're just having trouble adjusting to this news and how to react to it.  it's scary, but you can get through this. 

     

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    stressful times...this is a

    stressful times...this is a good place to vent , so no words are said that can not be taken back...

     

    Sorry your mom is going through this, as well as you.

     

    Denise

  • Tammye
    Tammye Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2017 #4
    There's so much to process

    There's so much to process for you and your mom right now.  I know that I was angry as hell that not only had my cancer returned but was Stage 4 metestatic. My daughter was also angry. Anger is ok. It's part of the process. Just try to remember that you're angry at the cancer not so much each other.  Tough times, sugar. The anger will pass eventually. I promise. 

  • RozHopkins
    RozHopkins Member Posts: 578 Member
    edited January 2017 #5
    Explain to her that though

    Explain to her that though she has another challenge ahead your reaction was more panic than supportive because it was a shock for you too.  You are both frightened.  Would that work?

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    edited January 2017 #6
    Checking back in to see how

    Checking back in to see how things are going?

     

    Denise

  • jmoolten
    jmoolten Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2017 #7
    Loss of estogen..desire,motivation,passion,changes no one tellsu

    Loss of estogen, desire, motivation, passion, changes no one tells you...

    I was dx bc dcis in 2014.  Before dx I was a body builder.  I woke up everyday happy ready to take on life with a smile.  If someone was upset I made it my job to bring joy.  I was disciplined.  I liked myself.  My life.  I beleived in who I was what I did and how I did it.  2 years later I'm lost. 

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    edited January 2017 #8
    Keep fighting

    My son is a 13 year cancer survivor and when I was diagnoised he told me that quitting was not an option and to keep fighting.  He said speed did not matter, forward is forward and he sent me this saying in a turtle pic.  He went from being athletic to listless.  He got through his chemo and he took it a day at a time.  Sometimes a min. at a time.  He did not give up.  It took him a year to walk around the block.  Now my son is a lean mean running machine.  Now he lifts weights and competes.  Now he enjoys life to the full extent.  He is married, successfully employed, two children, and loves the Lord with all his heart.  So never give up, never give in.  Always try try your best. 

     

  • jenco60
    jenco60 Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2017 #9
    Frustrating

    Give your Mom some space. Cancer is a real downer!  There are a lot of side effects with the current treatment and they are very frustrating like leg cramps, chest pains, hair loss, anxiety. and just anger.  I would suggest meditation, massage, water aerobics, anything to burn off the anger. Even a long walk can help. Sitting around angry and sad only makes it worse. 

  • jenco60
    jenco60 Member Posts: 3
    #10
    jmoolten said:

    Loss of estogen..desire,motivation,passion,changes no one tellsu

    Loss of estogen, desire, motivation, passion, changes no one tells you...

    I was dx bc dcis in 2014.  Before dx I was a body builder.  I woke up everyday happy ready to take on life with a smile.  If someone was upset I made it my job to bring joy.  I was disciplined.  I liked myself.  My life.  I beleived in who I was what I did and how I did it.  2 years later I'm lost. 

    ditto

    You are so right. No one ever talks about the changes we go through during and after cancer treatment. If they did, no one would take the treatments currently available. Most of the doctors are men, problem one.  No counselors available, medical insurance will not pay for massage and accupuncture. It helps to Detox after Chemo ...get that crap out!!

  • Mike555
    Mike555 Member Posts: 8
    #11
    Wife's Breast Cancer Progression

    My wife's BC history. My wife refuses to use the internet, well except for Amazon and Ebay.

    Progression with two spots on spine as of this October 2016. Oncologist wants to wait a few months to let it grow big enough for a biopsy. Complex case as she has had 3 different types of BC: ER+ 100% estrogen grade 1, ER+ 30% estrogen grade 3 and triple negative Metaplastic BC.

    My wife, back in Dec of 2012 was diagnosed with Stage 4 ER+ PR+ HER2-breast cancer. One node and a small spot on the spine. After 3 infusions of AC she was clean except for the 6 cm tumor in her breast. The oncologist said since the cancer was responding well to estrogen blocker (aromasin) it was best to leave it be. Ops forgot to mention in the midst of all this cancer stuff she had to have removed a grapefruit sized and very painful non-cancerous ovarian cyst.

    A little over a year later, Nov 2014, the cancer morphed and went crazy. She had a radical mastectomy and breast removal. A biopsy showed it to be ER+ and the oncologist prescribed tamoxifen. 19 lymph nodes were removed and 9 of the 19 had triple negative Metaplastic keratinized squamous carcinoma. A PET scan done after the surgery showed some cancer still in her armpit, probably spill over from the nodes. She has three cancers, one ER+ PR+ HER2-, 100% estrogen, grade 1 and inside that which was ER+PR+HER2- 30% estrogen grade 3 plus the triple negative. She went back on A-C (lifetime amount), no Taxol as she almost died from it earlier. Almost died from NeuLasta too. Also 7 weeks of radiation.

    After all that she had to have major surgery to remove a tumor from her kidney. Eighty five percent were cancerous but hers was benign.  

  • Sasu
    Sasu Member Posts: 39
    edited January 2017 #12
    Where do you direct your anger?

    Apaugh I agree wholeheartedly, it is truly a one step at a time situation, and even if it's a small step.....it is forward.    I, too, had some difficulties going through my treatment.  I will not be able to hold a job again.  The pain and fatigue are unbelievable at times.   Just about every day I find I have to convince myself to get out of bed.  But I am here.  I am alive.  I do my best, and some days my best is to just take it easy.  Do I get angry? Yes. But I get angry at the cancer.  It was the cancer that did this to me. I refuse to be angry at the fine medical care I had .  I refuse to be angry at the chemo  and radiatioN.  Without them I wouldn't be here. The aromasin was a ****, but it was a part of my necessary treatment.  Herceptin was not easy for me.  It tried to kill me, but the benefit surpassed the risks.  I will never  be angry at the guidance and information available to cancer patients now.  I do know there is a lot of misinformation out there, so you do have to consider the source at times. I chose the treatment and care that I had. No one forced me to do anything.  And the only thing one can and should be angry at is the cancer.  Be angry at the cancer. 

  • MsWood76
    MsWood76 Member Posts: 2
    #13
    I think it's wonderful that

    I think it's wonderful that your teaching out. That shows how is much you care. From a mom's perspective I can tell you we know you love us no matter what you might say.  Don't beat yourself up over guilt, just say your sorry 

  • blessed39
    blessed39 Member Posts: 90 Member
    #14
    "How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer"

     Dear Lunanoon, If you would be interested in my story "How I Beat Stage Four Colon cancer" just go to my site and click on blog and my story will come up. I have no medical advice, just what worked for me. God Bless   blessed39

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #15
    agreed

    From a mother's prospective, it's ok.  Like mentioned before, just say your sorry.  Bring her a cup of tea and give her a hug and talk about it.  Plan something easy and relaxing to do together.  It dont have to be anything big.  Maybe a stroll in the park and sit on a bench and enjoy just being there together.  Anger and frustration are huge in cancer.  It is hard and it is life changing.  Embrace the time with your mother and dont let cancer cheat you out of those moments ever.

  • Lunanoon
    Lunanoon Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2017 #16
    We are doing better mom has

    We are doing better mom has stage 4 with bone mts but I'm scared she is doing well on treatment.

    thank you so very much everyone we are taking one day at a time. 

  • katfur111
    katfur111 Member Posts: 8
    #17
    jmoolten said:

    Loss of estogen..desire,motivation,passion,changes no one tellsu

    Loss of estogen, desire, motivation, passion, changes no one tells you...

    I was dx bc dcis in 2014.  Before dx I was a body builder.  I woke up everyday happy ready to take on life with a smile.  If someone was upset I made it my job to bring joy.  I was disciplined.  I liked myself.  My life.  I beleived in who I was what I did and how I did it.  2 years later I'm lost. 

    OMG! jmoolten; i am going

    OMG! jmoolten; i am going through the same stuff except i gained 100 lbs before i was DX, i was running 4-5 miles a day out side, i ran a 10 min. mike (good for a mom of 3) and i went to the gym 6 days aweek ,worked full time and went to school full time, i loved it and i too made i my mission to make everyone i come into contact with smile and laugh. now im sad , depressed over the wt gain and i dont have the energy or the want to , to get it off , i have a gym membership i pay for monthly but have been twice, im tired and i hurt after working 12 hr shifts and i sleep all the time, now im about to start two new medications that the s/e are sever fatigue, GREAT! i just broke up with my boyfrien, that we were reconnecting from when we dated 20 yrs ago, he lives in NY and im in KY now but i just dont want him seeing me like this and now im going to be sick all the time , who wants to deal with that right? i work (cause i have too, pay bills) and keep insurance to pay medical bills, but other then that i dont leave the house, ive given most of my belongings away, and even quit my continuing education (im a nurse) i have no ambision to do anything and im sad all the time, this is not me!! i dont know how to get out of it. i DONT want to spend my life like this, but to broke to go out and live life and even if i werent i wouldnt do it. if you figure out how to get out of this please let me know. im sorry you have cancer and im sorry your going through this . i hope your not alone. always here if you need to talk.  kathy  HANG IN THERE!! what stage are you if i can ask? im stage 4

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