It's one of those hard days

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beaumontdave
beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member

The night before, my wife went to sleep on the bathroom floor, because the headaches and nausea pinned her down. I threw a blanket on her and checked on her every ten minutes until I passed out. When I woke a call came from the local ER, she didn't want to wake me, but I raced there and four hours later the x-ray showed a mass on her left pereital lobe. How could two people married both get fricking cancer? What are the odds? They took her to the CCC at Desert Regional, Palm Springs, a great facility, and operated two days later. I got home that day late, my youngest daughters 21st birthday, only to see her convulsed in tears. Fast forward to the present eight years later, she wants a party at a local restaurant. I'm set to go with my youngest son, but we get into a heated arguement, nearly a battle, and three days later, we're not talking, all I think about is kicking him out and getting clear of his crap.  He won't go to her party because he knows I can't be around him. He's her favorite sibling. I realize he needs to be there and I need to make things okay for him and her, which I did. But I'm left feeling so raw emotionally that all I can do is sit outside, look at the sky and drink beer. I know this sounds silly and self-absorbed to those fighting for survival, but I'm feeling so emotionally cratered, all I can think off is this must be some kind of PTSD. Any thoughts?

Comments

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    edited December 2016 #2
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    Hard days

    We would not recognise the good days if we didn't have some bad days to compare them to!!! 

    I too had a son who was quite a problem.  I did force him to leave home. The army gave him a dicipline I could not.  He spent 21 yrs in the army

    becomming a special forces medic.  Upon retiement he went to med school, and currently is an M.D. at a VA hospital. Obviously we have made peace with each other!  So believe me, we cannot predict what the future holds.  Just take it a day at a time, and hope for the best.  Good luck!

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
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    I'm sorry that happened Dave.

    I'm sorry that happened Dave. All I can say is that having cancer does not make us immune to everyday crap that happens. People will still be obnoxious and do things that upset us. And cancer and almost dying a year later did not make me a more patient or understanding person, if anything, it made me less patient or understanding with people who are nasty, toxic, rude, thoughtless, selfish, all thos negative things. I have no time for jerks now. I will not waste my time or energy on people who don't deserve it or appreciate it. Life is too short.

    If someone is being awful, no matter who it is, you don't have to put up with that. Disassociating yourself from it is probably your best bet. So enjoy your beer, look at the heavens, and know you're taking the higher ground if you don't go and allow him to go instead. Best of luck. Parenting is hard.

    Jan

  • Colonchick
    Colonchick Member Posts: 36 Member
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    No one ever said parenting

    No one ever said parenting was easy...Sometimes making them stand on their own is what they need in order to grow up!!! 

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
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    I look at the words two days

    I look at the words two days later, and I'll realize the emotions of dealing with my kid were amplifying the feelings I had about the anniversary of Cindy being diagnosed. I don't do well with strong emotions these days, my first reaction to social human interaction is "how can I get out of it". I know I need to re-engage with people, but it's definitely going to take time. The kid apologized profusely, we're all good there, but I told him I just can't get that emotional. I'm emotionally exhausted, or wounded, or whatever, and I hope time is the cure. I appreciate the comments, Merry Christmas and good holidays to all of you..................................Dave

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
    edited December 2016 #6
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    Good!

    I'm happy to hear that your son was sorry, and that all is well. It may have been good to him to see a vunerable side of you. The wounded man, from all of the trauma of your Cindy's diagnosis, treatment and passing, to your own battle. Really Dave, you have every reason to be emotionally drained. 

    Roll on Spring. I look forward to meeting with you when I am down visiting Yolllmbs. 

    TRU

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
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    Good for him for apologising!

    Good for him for apologising! You raised a fine young man! Have a wonderful Christmas Dave!

    Jan

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,459 Member
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    Life sure is a roller coaster

    Life sure is a roller coaster ride.

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,459 Member
    edited December 2016 #9
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    Hi Dave, I think you are

    Hi Dave, I think what you are doing is being normal and living.  i'm glad your son apologized and I hope you did too. My daughter and I had a fantastic relationship for years.  She's now 28 and it seems like we can't be in a room without yelling at each other over something stupid.  We got into a big argument on Christmas because I said the word "ya'll" was from the south.  She just kept insisting that I am a know it all (okay so I am) and that people in the north use it too.  Well when I was growing up, no one in the north ever said ya'll, not ever.  I guess it's catching on.  I spent the night crying, my daughter went out with her friends and had fun. The last 5 years have been exhausting for me too.  Cancer is exhausting, the emotions that go with cancer are exhausting, kids are exhausting, working is exhausting, taking care of parents is exhausting.  Kids don't have a freaking clue what we feel like at our end.  I know when I was in my 20s, I thought my mom was a total annoying idiot.  I appreciate her a lot more now in my 40s.  That poor woman, SEVEN kids!  lol  How did she not go crazy.

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    edited December 2016 #10
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    Yes to the ptsd and trying to

    Yes to the ptsd and trying to get out of social interractions!  I'm the same way.  and my 19 yr old daughter can make me insane.  

    Glad you made up.  Hang in there!