Dads gone now what?

Jerrysdaughter
Jerrysdaughter Member Posts: 1
in Esophageal Cancer #1

So my dad was diagnosed with cancer last year around may 2015 he saddly passed in october. between that time i was his main caregiver i took him to and from the seattle VA about an hour drive each way. i spent many night sleeping in the hospital with him. i made sure he had his medcations and stayed up to makesure he took them....(i may have almost fell of my ladder to my room one night hehe) after that i was always sleeping in the same room as him to make sure that when he needed anything i was there to jump to do it....he was always on some kind of med odanzatron, oxy, phynetal, and a whole lode of other meds. watching him on phental was a horrific experance, he was loopy and had a hard time staying awake, when he was taken off of it he reverted back to his normal self and even started working when he felt like he could. the worst part about this whole this is that one night when he got up to go to the bath room on his own in the begining of the end i was half a sleep when he fell in the bathroom. i am a very small girl 97 lbs soking wet. my dad on the other hand was a tll muscler person who had a little extra on the side. when he fell there was nothing i could do to help him i was too small to pick him up and he was in too much pain from the mets to just get back up. he was in such pain and that i could not do anything m,ade me feel so much smaller that i ever felt. after that he started staying with his family and after that i was pushed away. i went from spending all my time with him to spending maybe a day or two if i was lucky. talk about seperation anixty it was so overwhelming that most of a year later im still coping with it.  my dad was such a strong person who always had a big smile on his face and was always encourgaing everyone around him to look at life a little differntly. to watch him slowly wither away was heart breaking. the whole time he acted like nothing was wrong and was always trying to make it seem less than what it was. he was smiling to his last breath. anyone else have a way of helping cope with what happened?

Comments

  • SLS100
    SLS100 Member Posts: 37
    #2
    hope you are getting some closure

    i know how hard it is to lost someone, lost my mom to uterine cancer 4 years ago, still miss her greatly

     

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #3
    To Jerry's daughter

    I lost my mother 5 years ago to cancer.  Over a 15 year period, she had 5 types of cancers.  I was always her caregiver.  It became a way of life and after her loss, it took me a very long time to find my way of life again.  I was physically and emotionally exhausted by it.  My doctor told me I suffered from PTSD over it.  I look back and I dont regret any of that time I spent taking care of her.  It bonded us closer and it sounds like you and your father bonded as well.  Take your time.  Try to remember all the good times you both shared and the special moments that were just yours with him.  My mother's death was traumatic and it still plays in my head, however, I choose to recall the good times.  I miss her dearly and I always will.  No matter how old you are, you will always miss your father.  I  pray for peace for you.  Hug

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    edited November 2016 #4
    SLS100 said:

    hope you are getting some closure

    i know how hard it is to lost someone, lost my mom to uterine cancer 4 years ago, still miss her greatly

     

    SLS, my condolences

    I am sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother to cancer too.  It is hard and you never get over it, no matter how old you are.  Prayers for peace I ask for you.

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