Can you relate to this fight?

rhominator
rhominator Member Posts: 233 Member
edited August 2016 in Kidney Cancer #1

I saw this breast cancer post on a friend's facebook page and had to share as it's a pretty good description of cancer and the fight.  I wish I could credit the author, but it was uncredited.

"What’s it like to go through cancer treatment? It’s something like this:


One day, you’re minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD THERE’S A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR FRIDGE.


Wait, what? How? Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. RUN! THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU! UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST!


So you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you. You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of the mountain, so you better find that bear. You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear. Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines. But they really want to help, so they’re cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion - “GET LOST, MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU” - and you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming.


Also, for some reason, there’s someone in the crowd who’s yelling “that’s not really a mountain lion, it’s a puma” and another person yelling “I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?”


As you’re running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions. Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy - they’re half grown and only have three legs or whatever, and you think to yourself - why couldn’t I have gotten one of those mountain lions? But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an a**hole for even thinking that - and besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?


Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you - maybe a parent or sibling or best friend or, in my case, my husband - comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, whaling on it and screaming “DAMMIT MOUNTAIN LION, STOP TRYING TO EAT MY WIFE”, and the mountain lion punches your husband right in the face. Now your husband (or whatever) is rolling around on the ground clutching his nose, and he’s bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain.


Eventually you reach the top, finally, and the bear is there. Waiting. For both of you. You rush right up to the bear, and the bear rushes the mountain lion, but the bear has to go through you to get to the mountain lion, and in doing so, the bear TOTALLY KICKS YOUR A**, but not before it also punches your husband in the face. And your husband is now staggering around with a black eye and bloody nose, and saying “can I get some help, I’ve been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken,” and all you can say is “I’M KIND OF BUSY IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED I’M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION.”


Then, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead.


Maybe. You’re not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment.


And all your friends come running up to you and say “that was amazing! You’re so brave, we’re so proud of you! You didn’t die! That must be a huge relief!”


Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you’re having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says “boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!” And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is “screw this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place.”

Comments

  • rhominator
    rhominator Member Posts: 233 Member
    #2

    I just discovered this was posted back in January by Dave418.  Sorry for the repost.

  • todd121
    todd121 Member Posts: 1,448 Member
    #3
    rhominator said:

    I just discovered this was posted back in January by Dave418.  Sorry for the repost.

    No apology needed

    I didn't see it back then. Appreciate seeing it.

    Todd

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #4
    always

    a good read rho.

  • stub1969
    stub1969 Member Posts: 986 Member
    #5
    Thanks

    I appreciate reading it, too.  Thanks Rhominator

  • marosa
    marosa Member Posts: 334 Member
    #6

    Totally Rho!  Thanks for posting it!

  • LauraM3
    LauraM3 Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2016 #7
    Yes - makes a lot of sense.

    Yes - makes a lot of sense.

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    edited August 2016 #8
    Thanks, Rho

    I hadn't read it back then, either. So thanks -- !

    The only thing missing is someone telling the person running from the mountain lion, "Think positive, and everything will be just fine!" or someone giving them pink shoelaces that are somehow supposed to help  Wink .

  • Footstomper
    Footstomper Member Posts: 1,237 Member
    edited August 2016 #9
    JerzyGrrl said:

    Thanks, Rho

    I hadn't read it back then, either. So thanks -- !

    The only thing missing is someone telling the person running from the mountain lion, "Think positive, and everything will be just fine!" or someone giving them pink shoelaces that are somehow supposed to help  Wink .

    You forgot

    Someone constantly telling them how good they're looking

  • Jojo61
    Jojo61 Member Posts: 1,309 Member
    #10
    A good read! I especially

    A good read! I especially loved "I hear that mountain lions are allergic to kale! Have you tried rubbing kale on it?"

    Hahahaha

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    edited August 2016 #11
    Jojo61 said:

    A good read! I especially

    A good read! I especially loved "I hear that mountain lions are allergic to kale! Have you tried rubbing kale on it?"

    Hahahaha

    You never can be too kale-ful...

    Had company over tonight for dinner.  In rooting through the freezer to see what I might have in the way of veggies, I came across a package of chopped kale.  It definitely kept any mountain lions away!

  • hardo718
    hardo718 Member Posts: 853 Member
    #12
    JerzyGrrl said:

    You never can be too kale-ful...

    Had company over tonight for dinner.  In rooting through the freezer to see what I might have in the way of veggies, I came across a package of chopped kale.  It definitely kept any mountain lions away!

    WHAT??

    And you didn't invite us??  How rude.  Laughing  

    Just kidding of course,

    Donna~

  • Teashea
    Teashea Member Posts: 89 Member
    #13
    Interesting

    Food for thought. Thank you for sharing

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #14
    hardo718 said:

    WHAT??

    And you didn't invite us??  How rude.  Laughing  

    Just kidding of course,

    Donna~

    I wanted to be sure...

    Donna, I wanted to be sure I had enough kale so any mountain lions would break out in great big hives, sneeze a lot, and get miserable headaches and stuffed noses.  There just wouldn't have been enough if I shared with too many humans Wink .

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