Survivor but alone

Deemarie71

I was diagnosed with cancer on 10/09/2014. It was a whirlwind that occurred afterward that I seemed to be standing in the middle of with no control of what was going on around me. My BC was HER2 positive in the right breast. They removed lymph nodes, I underwent 6 rounds of chemo and 17 rounds of herceptin, had a lumpectomy and then 36 rounds of radiation. My right breast is still tender with mild to medium discomfort/pain. It always worsens around the time of my menstrual cycle but I've always had breast tenderness with that. Anyway, the flurry of activity never really gave me time to process what was happening. I mean, I cried and was angry at the start, but not once did I ever feel like I truly went gained a full understanding of everything. My husband didn't want me to go through the chemo, my kids never really talked with me about it. I felt alone then and alone now. I did what the doctors told me to do with little to no questions. In all honesty, the doctors gave the impression that this treatment was my only choice and I had to do it immediately. So that's what I did. Now looking back on things, I wish I had pushed back and made sure I understood everything that was going to transpire. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about cancer and the after effects I am having from the treatments I underwent, the side effects that may still present themselves later, the scars that are now constant reminders of a disease that attacked me from out of nowhere.

I've been to see my oncologist several times since I was "cleared" and had one half mammo completed. The other was due in April and I didn't schedule it nor do I want to do so. I don't want to do any of this anymore and I don't want to continue seeing doctors for the rest of my life. I just want to move on and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Yet, I still want someone to talk to when I get down and depressed about all of it, if that makes any sense...I probably don't make sense at all....

 

peony

You make sense

to me. I was DX. July 15, 2015 with DCIS, HER2, ER+ in my right breast. They said it was Stage 1 and I was to have a lumpectomy. In surgery, they found a second tumor, 6.1 cm, but with clear margins, and it had spread to my lymph nodes.  They removed 4.  Radiation was already in the plan, but the second tumor brought chemo into the mix. I didn't want to do the chemo either, but I was really concerned because I had had numerous mammograms and sonograms and nothing had picked up that second tumor and how big it was.  It automatically pushed me up to stage 3.  So, I did the chemo and I'm also facing untold years of side effects and after efffects. I too get down and depressed because my ""new normal" is far and removed from my old normal. I get inspired here from ladies who have overcome the side effects and just hope I can find the patience to deal with it all.  But I'm here for you if you ever want to talk.  Best wishes!

disneyfan2008

JUNE 28, 2008 was my last

JUNE 28, 2008 was my last radiation-IN MY mind (first timer) I thought i was done for life time-year later I got a call to return, I said NO I am done with your cancer center...i was told you are never done with us...

i sighed and worked my way back to ONLY annual checks ups... ahh

Denise

RozHopkins

I am thinking that you have

I am thinking that you have gone through all your treatment the worst is over and it's done dont look back.  Husbands and children can react strangely when we get breast cancer, it's not unusual as long as your husband loves you, it can cause a rift with some.

i would just watch yourself carefully and from now on if anything crops up really look into it and ask all the questions you like, now you know much more about it just go for it.  You should soon have much farther separated appointments so won't annoy you so much.  And yes we all think about cancer a lot afterwards, just try and think positive, do things you enjoy and spend time with 'upbeat' people if you can.  But also have special people or a person who you can talk about anything and everything who you trust when you feel the need.

Yes I also hate side effects, drives be nuts.  See if there isn't anything that can help you with these if very troublesome.  Tackle one at a time if easier.

 

 

button2

You aren't alone

You got some great replies to your post, and I would like to add that I too had HER2 cancer in the right breast. I did all the things the doctors said, but I felt in control because I was checking up on them thru internet searches and everything I read made sense. I think it isn't too late to take some control. You probably have post tramatic stress (I know I did), but by keeping up with your tests, YOU can be in charge. Please do all your mammograms and doctor visits so you catch anything new at an early stage. I think about cancer every morning, but I go outside to walk off the feeling and then get on with my day. Surround yourself with positive people and eat a healthy diet and get some exercise. Anytime you would like to talk, feel free to use the PM feature on this site. I check in most days. Take care Dee, hugs, Anna

tericksen

The emotional side effects of

The emotional side effects of this disease are sometimes forgotten if you're not the one going through it..  I think it's ok to feel mad, to feel angry at times.  But you did all that hard work, you have got to be a fighter.  So just keep fighting!  You are strong, you are not alone!