Would like someone to talk to

blueeyes36

I am 36 years old and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last March.  I had surgery to remove a large tumor along with my left ovary.  I have always considered myself a strong person, but over the past year I have really been feeling overwhelmed.  My body has gone through a lot physically and have mended well, but mentally I don't know how to begin to heal.  I am full of so many emotions and don't know where to start.  I don't have much family talk to, I had an aunt who was going through cancer as well but she passed last fall, I just feel so alone and depressed.  Now at my last checkup with my oncologist my right ovary is enlarged and needs to investigated further.  My CA125 is coming back fine, I am so scared to relive my nightmare all over again, I do not know how I should even be feeling right now .

kikz

Welcome

Although this is a group none of us wanted to join, you will find great support here.  I don't claim to have all the answers but I do know what you are going through.  I was diagnosed March 16, 2010.  I am Stage IIIc and have had two recurrences.

This disease takes a toll on us in so many ways.  First physically, then mentally and emotionally.  After my initial treatment I tried to get back into life.  Coming here helped so much.  I also went through the Living well/Living strong program which I highly recommend.  I joined a chair yoga group.  I returned to Weight Watchers to deal with my life-long battle with weight.  I also talked to a therapist I had seen before.  In time I was able to put cancer on the back burner.  It was part of my life but not my whole life.  Facing recurrences has not been easy but I still try to keep cancer from consuming my life.

Loneliness is a big part of it for me too.  At first my house was full of people but as time went by people disappeared.  I used to have two or three people go with me to doctor's appointments and chemo but I have been taking myself now.  It hurts but I think people just can't deal with it.  I get it but unfortunately we don't have that luxury.

Ask for help.  If you need to talk we are here.  Join a support group.  I was in a group and we would hike every week.  A walk really but it was fun.  Some women get help with medication.  I haven't needed this but know it is available.  

I wish I could offer wiser words.  But just know you are not alone.  We are here.

Karen

 

 

LorettaMarshall

BlueEyes~Kindred spirits feel your pain~u can find solace here

Hello “BlueEyes36”

How can we not answer a cry for help? 

Your name makes me wonder if your eyes are blue, or that you are feeling blue, or both?  I think I can almost see the tears in your eyes from here.  I’ve read Karen’s warm welcome to you.  We each have a different story to tell.  Karen’s been sharing her story since 2010, so that’s always encouraging to know that we have Ovarian Cancer patients still here in 2016.  It’s always encouraging to hear about others who have lived with this diagnosis longer than I have, even though they have had many “ups & downs” in that time frame.  But the will to live is strong, even if one knows they have a “terminal diagnosis” as I do.

I’ve only started posting recently, although my husband and I have been observing the site for years (mostly on the Esophageal Cancer Link) since my husband was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer, Stage III, back in 2002.  So in a sense the shock wasn’t so great the “second time around.”  Around Thanksgiving of 2012 I was diagnosed with Peritoneal Carcinomatosis.  That’s a big word for “big and numerous tumors” floating all around in my Peritoneal fluid in my abdomen.   A Second Opinion at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and a PET/CT scan and exploratory surgery at Christmas time (2012) would reveal that cancer was in my ovaries as well.   So I never started out with a lesser diagnosis that escalated to a Stage IV cancer, it was Stage IV from the start.  So, from my standpoint, I don’t have to worry about a recurrence, since I’ve never had a time when scans didn’t indicate the presence of cancer in my abdomen.  For me the question is always, “where will it crop up next?”  Obviously that is a question that I cannot answer, nor my oncologist.

That’s not to say that worst things won’t crop up—they will.  But with the knowledge that I am God’s child and that He loves us even more than I can possibly understand, I know I am not alone.  The reality of His power and presence in my life enables me to enjoy life all the while knowing that terminal means just that.  But I take the long look, and I celebrate Easter for that reason.  His promises and His power keep me focused from day to day.  “Gloom” would like to ruin the days that I have left but God’s presence in my life makes all the difference.  So while each of us have different ways of coping, I just thought I would share how I manage to live “most” of the time “above the circumstances” instead of “under them.” 

Sure there are “down” days, but my faith enables me to not focus on myself, but what on Earth I am supposed to be doing to help others for all the days that I have left.  Finding the best doctors, doing research on my cancer, and “owning” my cancer enables me to face life realistically.  I know that there are others here as well who find help and hope in God’s word, while others mention Yoga or meditation, or true grit (grin and bear it!).  I don’t force my beliefs on others, but if they ask me why I can be so positive in the face of terminal cancer, it’s no secret.  My hope is in God and He says He will never leave me or forsake me.  And on days that seem like this is the end of the line for me, God reminds me that He alone knows the number of my days, and that I need not spend time marking off the days with a big red “X”.  Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a secret to survival—if there were, we would all eagerly share it freely?  In the meantime, you can see from the many entries that have been written here that you are not alone.   You can always send any of us a private message if things are bothering you that you don’t feel like discussing openly.  Our ears are open to your cries.

It’s not unusual to be despondent and worried about all the possibilities that loom large with our diagnoses, but if we can keep it from penetrating our spirit, we will weather the storm much better. 

Long ago I learned the truth that

       "Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass—it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” 

Love & prayers from one set of "blue eyes" to another, 

Loretta 

Jodisgoing180

Blueeyes

i'm sorry you are going through this. I just turned 40 and was diagnosed 2 months ago. It's tough and being young it is doubly tough.  I feel lonely at times. If you are not seeing someone, I would recommend seeking a therapist or counselor who specializes in cancer. I see one, and even now, when I go in, it's like talking to a friend. She doesn't judge, and she gives good suggestions. 

Abbycat2

Jodisgoing180 said:

Blueeyes

i'm sorry you are going through this. I just turned 40 and was diagnosed 2 months ago. It's tough and being young it is doubly tough.  I feel lonely at times. If you are not seeing someone, I would recommend seeking a therapist or counselor who specializes in cancer. I see one, and even now, when I go in, it's like talking to a friend. She doesn't judge, and she gives good suggestions. 

Welcome, Blueeyes and Jodisgoing

You are both too young to have to face cancer, although cancer is an equal opportunistic disease. It knows no bounds.  I think anyone diagnosed with a serious form of cancer ends up suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to some extent or another. I was diagnosed with stage 3A, grade 3 uterine cancer 2.5 years ago and am still not showing signs of a recurrance. I have managed to move on and now cancer doesn't consume my life. It is a lonely experience and most healthy people don't "get it"  and don't want to. Seek professional help- I keep this on the back burner as a possible source of support for myself (and I worked in the mental health profession for many years). An Ovarian Support group would be a great source of support. The women here are also loving and supportive as you can see from the above posts.  

Warm Wishes, Cathy