Funeral yesterday

Puffin2014

Lew's funeral was yesterday, I lost count how many floral arrangements there were - 7 Peace Lilies alone. No way do I have room in my little house for all the flowers so sent bouquets home with any family who would take them, and I still have 10 left here in my house.

So many people came they had to open up the back wall of the chapel and have people standing in the vestibute for the service. The minister did a wonderful job, not too "preachy" and not long winded. He allowed time for people to come up and tell stories . I knew if I didn't get up right away I wouldn't be able to. I kept telling myself all day "I am strong, I can do this", and I did. I consciously drew in energy from everybody I hugged. Had a few teary episodes throughout the day, but avoided the total meltdown. I was so afraid I'd totally lose it and go into the ugly cry like I've done at home when I'm alone. Also knew it would be so much harder for his kids and grandkids if I was bawling my eyes out. But that takes a lot of energy and by the time I got home last night I was totally drained.

This morning we took Lew's oldest son's family to the cemetery to see the columbarium where Lew's ashes will be placed when the plaque arrives in a couple months. He'll be on the southeast corner and the morning sun just makes that whole side sparkle.

Ed and Dad just headed for home, I have 2 more Peace Lilies to give away, going to visit my friend who lives in assisted living this afternoon, she says there is a common living area by her room where I can put them.

Then I'm going to start going through the huge stack of cards from yesterday, and I suppose start writing thank you cards.

Pixie Dust

Time will heal

Puff, seems as if Lew and you are loved by so many people there and having to open the back of the chapel doors to let people in shows it. Very seldom do you see that at a funeral. All of the flowers sounds beautiful and a look at all them had to make you feel how much he was loved. I am glad that you have the funeral out of the way. I know it was hard on you and you still have alot to do. You have already showed all of us what a strong woman you are. I wish their was something that I could do for you, because you are always giving advise and helping the pink sisters here on the discussion board and chat room. You will have your moments and that is perfectly alright. It will take time to get where you need to be, but I know you can do it.  Love and Hugs,  Pixie

aisling8

Pixie Dust said:

Time will heal

Puff, seems as if Lew and you are loved by so many people there and having to open the back of the chapel doors to let people in shows it. Very seldom do you see that at a funeral. All of the flowers sounds beautiful and a look at all them had to make you feel how much he was loved. I am glad that you have the funeral out of the way. I know it was hard on you and you still have alot to do. You have already showed all of us what a strong woman you are. I wish their was something that I could do for you, because you are always giving advise and helping the pink sisters here on the discussion board and chat room. You will have your moments and that is perfectly alright. It will take time to get where you need to be, but I know you can do it.  Love and Hugs,  Pixie

What a long important day you've had

I picture you sitting on your couch, legs up on the coffee table, tons of flowers, piles of mail, and lots and lots of quiet.

Sending you a big huge hug. I'm hoping you pace yourself, get some rest, and stay in touch with people who help you take care of yourself.

xoxo

Victoria 

Puffin2014

aisling8 said:

What a long important day you've had

I picture you sitting on your couch, legs up on the coffee table, tons of flowers, piles of mail, and lots and lots of quiet.

Sending you a big huge hug. I'm hoping you pace yourself, get some rest, and stay in touch with people who help you take care of yourself.

xoxo

Victoria 

Victoria you were pretty close, spent 3 hours in the recliner tonight just OPENING the cards, can't imagine how long it's going to take to write the thank you cards. He received 18 flower bouquets and over $1000 in memorials in the cards. I'm taking tomorrow off and going with friends for Easter dinner at a lake cabin with their cousin. I need a break from this house, and need to see different faces around me for a day.

button2

Puffin2014 said:

Victoria you were pretty close, spent 3 hours in the recliner tonight just OPENING the cards, can't imagine how long it's going to take to write the thank you cards. He received 18 flower bouquets and over $1000 in memorials in the cards. I'm taking tomorrow off and going with friends for Easter dinner at a lake cabin with their cousin. I need a break from this house, and need to see different faces around me for a day.

Puffin, you are amazing

You are handling this all so well. I loved the way you held it together at the funeral for your family and I think the trip is a great idea. I hope you had a good Easter, thinking of you...Hugs, Anna

irisheyes14

Puffin2014 said:

Victoria you were pretty close, spent 3 hours in the recliner tonight just OPENING the cards, can't imagine how long it's going to take to write the thank you cards. He received 18 flower bouquets and over $1000 in memorials in the cards. I'm taking tomorrow off and going with friends for Easter dinner at a lake cabin with their cousin. I need a break from this house, and need to see different faces around me for a day.

So very sorry to hear your

So very sorry to hear your sad news.  I hope you have a lot of love and support around you at this difficult time. 

jennytwist

irisheyes14 said:

So very sorry to hear your

So very sorry to hear your sad news.  I hope you have a lot of love and support around you at this difficult time. 

Keeping you in my prayers...

and thoughts - sending gentle hugs. 

love,

Jenny

Puffin2014

thank you cards

I invited a friend over yesterday, had a nice salad for us to have for lunch, and then we tackled the thank you cards. She addressed the envelopes and put the return label on and I wrote the note inside and put the stamp on. We worked for 2 hours, made a good dent in the pile, I worked for about 3 hours last night, hope I can finish this morning. I still have to thank the people who sent floral arrangements (so that's 18 cards) and the people who brought food and did errands for me.

Lesson I've learned: if you're putting money into your card, put an address label inside the card with the amount of money written on it, it saves the recipient a lot of time. I have 5 cards I'm taking to the library this morning to see if I can find them in the city directory, they're not in the phone book, assume they have cell phones. Also, one card was just signed Stacy and Shelly and $40 in it, don't have a clue who they are.

I went birding with a friend Monday morning, we drove out 40 miles west of town and checked out some wetlands, found thousands of snow geese, some swans, lots of ducks. Felt good to get some fresh air.

Went in yesterday to have my chest CT (I've been getting short of breath the last 6-8 weeks). Turns out the technician who did my scan also did Lew's head scan after the accident. Returning to the same hospital led to a massive sobbing meltdown, poor girl thought she'd done a bad job starting my IV and I had to explain. She said, oh yes, I remember him. Not surprising, don't imagine they get too many people falling off a roof on their head in one month.

Just_lori6

Puffin2014 said:

thank you cards

I invited a friend over yesterday, had a nice salad for us to have for lunch, and then we tackled the thank you cards. She addressed the envelopes and put the return label on and I wrote the note inside and put the stamp on. We worked for 2 hours, made a good dent in the pile, I worked for about 3 hours last night, hope I can finish this morning. I still have to thank the people who sent floral arrangements (so that's 18 cards) and the people who brought food and did errands for me.

Lesson I've learned: if you're putting money into your card, put an address label inside the card with the amount of money written on it, it saves the recipient a lot of time. I have 5 cards I'm taking to the library this morning to see if I can find them in the city directory, they're not in the phone book, assume they have cell phones. Also, one card was just signed Stacy and Shelly and $40 in it, don't have a clue who they are.

I went birding with a friend Monday morning, we drove out 40 miles west of town and checked out some wetlands, found thousands of snow geese, some swans, lots of ducks. Felt good to get some fresh air.

Went in yesterday to have my chest CT (I've been getting short of breath the last 6-8 weeks). Turns out the technician who did my scan also did Lew's head scan after the accident. Returning to the same hospital led to a massive sobbing meltdown, poor girl thought she'd done a bad job starting my IV and I had to explain. She said, oh yes, I remember him. Not surprising, don't imagine they get too many people falling off a roof on their head in one month.

Hello

Hi Puffin,

I've been thinking of you just about every day. I went in for my last chemo treatment on Monday & thought of how happy I was to be done & then I put myself in your shoes and thought if if meant not losing any loved ones in the future I would gladly keep doing chemo for a bit longer.

It is scary not knowing what the future holds.

Im so happy to hear you have so many kind people in your life.

I know it is so very hard for you and I am amazed at how well you are doing. What great friends to help with the thank you cards & take you birding. I know it is easier said than done but if I've learned anything with this cancer stuff we just have to get through each day as best as we can & wait for it to be better.

Just take it one day at a time~ I wish we all lived in the same area. We could all help you with the cards and just be with you through tough times or ugly crys. 

Take care Puffin & know that you will be okay~ ♡

Hugs~

Lori

 

 

Puffin2014

Just_lori6 said:

Hello

Hi Puffin,

I've been thinking of you just about every day. I went in for my last chemo treatment on Monday & thought of how happy I was to be done & then I put myself in your shoes and thought if if meant not losing any loved ones in the future I would gladly keep doing chemo for a bit longer.

It is scary not knowing what the future holds.

Im so happy to hear you have so many kind people in your life.

I know it is so very hard for you and I am amazed at how well you are doing. What great friends to help with the thank you cards & take you birding. I know it is easier said than done but if I've learned anything with this cancer stuff we just have to get through each day as best as we can & wait for it to be better.

Just take it one day at a time~ I wish we all lived in the same area. We could all help you with the cards and just be with you through tough times or ugly crys. 

Take care Puffin & know that you will be okay~ ♡

Hugs~

Lori

 

 

thank you

Thank you Lori, friends have been an immense help, going birding with me, going out to lunch. Friday I'm picking up an elderly friend and we're going to the movie Jungle Book.

Being his estate representative and having to deal with all the financial issues has been tiring. I have a paper signed in 1998 naming me the beneficiary of his $10,000 life insurance policy. The company says there is no beneficiary on file. When he signed the paper the company was U.S. West, over the years it was taken over by Qwest, and then Century Link. I'm sure there was some paperwork he was supposed to sign along the way that he didn't, he always thought I was his beneficiary. I've submitted my claim and documents and am waiting for their decision.

I discovered he had a 401K worth $40,000 that I spent days entangled in their phone tree before a lady finally told me they could only talk to the beneficiary and they couldn't talk to me, and that a beneficiary packet had been sent out, that if the beneficiary called them, they could talk to them. His kids hadn't received any packet but any addresses on file with the company were likely outdated. The kids tried calling but couldn't through the phone tree without having the call dropped. Yesterday I managed to get through to a person again, explained that I had current addresses for Edward, Lew and Becky and would she like them. She said yes she would take those addresses and I could hear her typing, and before she hung up she said "I'll get beneficiary packets sent out". So hopefully that's behind us. Now I'm waiting to get the claim forms to claim the $25,000 of uncashed checks that are on file with the state, some going back over 20 years.

There have been pleasant surprises too, I've found little packets of teeth with gold fillings that I cashed in for $463, $50 of wrapped Canadian quarters and 2 gold coins worth $1250 each. His brother told me I can't throw any pens away without taking them apart, guess Lew would roll a $100 bill as thin as a toothpick and hide them in pens out in the garage.

I'm spending about 2-3 hours a day going through the tubs and tubs and tubs of his stuff in the house and in the garage, deciding what to keep, throw, sell or recycle. I have 3 large rubbermaid tubs filled with loose tools. Today I'm going to start sorting the tubs into smaller boxes of like items - wrenches in one, screwdrivers in another, flashlights in another, nails and screws in another, etc. Sunday a computer geek friend is coming over to help me sort and make decisions on his 39 years of saved computers, chargers, connectors, back up disks, floppy disks, external hard drives, cameras, videocameras, Mp3 players, and every electronic gadget you can imagine.

I had to go to the walk in clinic last week, tears and ezcema don't mix well and my left eyelid was red, itchy and swollen to my brow and out to my hairline. Cortisone cream and liberal aquaphor have gotten it under control.

bonbondidit

Goodness!

Puffin,

I am so very heartfeltedly sorry for your loss. I didn't know until today that this happened. I'm beside myself for you and what you have had to deal with lately. We both started our journey only a couple weeks apart from eachother and I always enjoyed when you talked about Lew and I remembered crying with love tears when he shaved your head for you. I thought what a couple, definetely for better or worse, in sickness and in health. My husband never commented on here but at times would ask me if Lew was doing anything that he may learn from and do for me. I believe my husband reallu looked up to him even though they never met. I have been helping my daughter with her new baby over the past two months and have been a bit out of touch. From what I just read he had an accident and I am amazed at the journey you have been dealt and are handling gracefully even though you may not think you are being graceful, you are! He just seemed like an amazing man and boooooooooy did he have your back and likewise.  You will always be the couple we as a couple look up to. He made an impression on my husband and I and for that I am so greatful! My mom lost her husband to cancer in January of this year and I have been watching her adjust after 30+ years of marriage to him. She is doing MUCH better now and has made peace with it all. She has started swimming again and now a group goes swimming with her at the nearby indoor pool. Getting out and enjoying people and company has won the race for her. I wish you all the healing the world and beyond has to offer.  FYI - you are also my organizational hero.  Man you really get things done!

Gentle hugs,

Bonnie

Puffin2014

bonbondidit said:

Goodness!

Puffin,

I am so very heartfeltedly sorry for your loss. I didn't know until today that this happened. I'm beside myself for you and what you have had to deal with lately. We both started our journey only a couple weeks apart from eachother and I always enjoyed when you talked about Lew and I remembered crying with love tears when he shaved your head for you. I thought what a couple, definetely for better or worse, in sickness and in health. My husband never commented on here but at times would ask me if Lew was doing anything that he may learn from and do for me. I believe my husband reallu looked up to him even though they never met. I have been helping my daughter with her new baby over the past two months and have been a bit out of touch. From what I just read he had an accident and I am amazed at the journey you have been dealt and are handling gracefully even though you may not think you are being graceful, you are! He just seemed like an amazing man and boooooooooy did he have your back and likewise.  You will always be the couple we as a couple look up to. He made an impression on my husband and I and for that I am so greatful! My mom lost her husband to cancer in January of this year and I have been watching her adjust after 30+ years of marriage to him. She is doing MUCH better now and has made peace with it all. She has started swimming again and now a group goes swimming with her at the nearby indoor pool. Getting out and enjoying people and company has won the race for her. I wish you all the healing the world and beyond has to offer.  FYI - you are also my organizational hero.  Man you really get things done!

Gentle hugs,

Bonnie

kind words

Today was a good day to read your kind words, I've been battling viral gastroenteritis since Monday, Ed took me to ER after I puked 12 times in 2 1/2 hours, with as many diarrhea stools as well. I vomited so hard I was hoarse the next day. Still having diarrhea 3 days later, only now I read on Internet that I've been using outdated advice. I've been doing the 7up, jello, gingerale, clear liquids with little improvement, current thoughts are to avoid Gatorade, all soft drinks, jello, etc and to try and eat eggs, lean meats, pasta, bread, cooked veggies and avoid fruit juices and spicy foods.

I've gotten a good start on the sorting, have at least looked in all the bins and have things sorted and I've reclaimed a whole closet that was filled with bins. Our city does an annual clean up week where you can put stuff on the boulevard and they'll pick it up, even appliances, so that was my incentive to get as much gone through as possible. Monday was my pick up day, so now I can back off and take my time dealing with individual piles of things that can be sold, like the radial arm saw, the band saw, the trailer that pulls behind the car, etc.

Still waiting to hear the results of the 401K and the life insurance policy.

Yes, he had an accident - was on the roof laying down the TV satellite dish so his son could shingle our house, and he fell and landed on his face, massive brain injury and we took him off the respirator 3 days later. It just really brings home that whole "we're never guaranteed a tomorrow".

But I can also look back with few regrets, we did not put life on hold "waiting till we retired", we traveled, we did things together, and yes, we had each other's backs, always. Like Soul and Marine always say in the chatroom, it's just going to take awhile for me to find my "new normal".

bonbondidit

Puffin2014 said:

kind words

Today was a good day to read your kind words, I've been battling viral gastroenteritis since Monday, Ed took me to ER after I puked 12 times in 2 1/2 hours, with as many diarrhea stools as well. I vomited so hard I was hoarse the next day. Still having diarrhea 3 days later, only now I read on Internet that I've been using outdated advice. I've been doing the 7up, jello, gingerale, clear liquids with little improvement, current thoughts are to avoid Gatorade, all soft drinks, jello, etc and to try and eat eggs, lean meats, pasta, bread, cooked veggies and avoid fruit juices and spicy foods.

I've gotten a good start on the sorting, have at least looked in all the bins and have things sorted and I've reclaimed a whole closet that was filled with bins. Our city does an annual clean up week where you can put stuff on the boulevard and they'll pick it up, even appliances, so that was my incentive to get as much gone through as possible. Monday was my pick up day, so now I can back off and take my time dealing with individual piles of things that can be sold, like the radial arm saw, the band saw, the trailer that pulls behind the car, etc.

Still waiting to hear the results of the 401K and the life insurance policy.

Yes, he had an accident - was on the roof laying down the TV satellite dish so his son could shingle our house, and he fell and landed on his face, massive brain injury and we took him off the respirator 3 days later. It just really brings home that whole "we're never guaranteed a tomorrow".

But I can also look back with few regrets, we did not put life on hold "waiting till we retired", we traveled, we did things together, and yes, we had each other's backs, always. Like Soul and Marine always say in the chatroom, it's just going to take awhile for me to find my "new normal".

Life

I have to say that I haven't spoken of this here but one of my son's best friends who I was very maternal over helped my son dig the healing pond for me while I was going through treatments. He dug and laid rocks and helped mow the yard to make me smile. His name was Hermon. A few days after radiation, a few bad influences had apparently took their mom's car out over night and came by and convinced him to get in (6am.) We dropped him off at his house around 11pm the night before. They lost control of the SUV and rolled. Hermon was ejected and killed instantly. He was asleep in the back seat and never knew what happened. He was 13!  I never could have imagined HE would die before me - sigh. I love my pond, he helped build it for me and to know his hands personally placed those rocks where they are along with my family's hands does help me. After the funeral I asked for his mom Sharon to come see what her son helped build, he said it was a healing pond.  I couldn't believe it when she came, I took her back there and her face lit up in a happy way plus greatful tears. I feel like she could feel his presence there. His hands were on those rocks and she was very impressed! She worked a lot of hours and he was home alot so we had him over at our house many times to keep an eye on him. Anyways it was and is hard. Make the most of everything. It's a struggle to regain your legs after a traumatic event, but it is totally doable.  My mom and her husband had two weeks of knowing he was stage 4 at diagnoses. He had blood cancer and was 87. He chose not to treat and died two weeks later in their home, in their bed.  She lives alone in Oregon but her best friend is around the corner from her. They do everything now. Galavant is their middle name. I'm quite certain they have gone to every different restaurant on the Oregon coast. My mom has filed taxes (never did in her life before) handled the 401k like a boxing champ and mowed her grass to perfection.  She is finally happy again and you can see her coloring come back and looking healthy again.  I wish this for you - you will get there

About your sickness - sounds to me like you are not doing well with sweet things. Fruits, gaterades. This may sound strange but I think you should go to your closest good mexican restaurant and order Caldo. Beef if they ask. Looks prehistoric but honestly cures anything. Small sips of the broth and tid bid bites here and there saved my life many times.  Also you may do the concauction of pepto/mylanta cocktail. You don't need much for it to start working.  I hope you feel much better soon.

Puffin2014

feeling better

I ate mashed potatoes and lean ham slices and applesauce yesterday and feel much better this morning, stomach stopped churning. Now just need to get my energy back.

I'm glad the healing pond turned out to be such a comfort to both you and Hermon's mom. What a lovely tribute from him to you, and for you.