Resentful if I go, regretful if I don't... I don't know

mesklinite
mesklinite Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

My Mom has brain cancer.  I live a couple hours away from my mom. I never had a good relationship with her for many reasons. I'm an only child. My aunt helps take care of her. We placed her in a semi paliative place in december.

8 months ago she had 6-9 months to live. And things seem to be heading to an end? dunno. It's all dragging on.

I've tried to go down every 2 weeks. But I hate all of this. I hate going. When I don't go I hate myself for not going, or I'm resentfull when I do go. I feel I can't plan anything. I feel like I put my life on hold for her. I spent a lot of time with her during the holidays and all of this did bring her us closer togather. But this is starting to get to me. I don't know what to do :(

I try to understand that all these feelings are normal. But I hate it all.

Comments

  • nonichol
    nonichol Member Posts: 170
    #2
    Normal

    It is normal, my husband is dying sometimes I feel resentful as he has zero concern for my future. Then I feel guilty. 

  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #3
    I am sorry you are having to

    I am sorry you are having to go through this-I can hear how conflicted you feel. I am not a therapist, my only input is that if your mom is indeed not expected to survive much longer, how you interact with her with the short time remaining may influence how you deal with your emotions after she is gone.

    You have a choice of whether to go or not to go, and what you decide is okay. And if and when you do see her, how long much time you decide to spend with her is totally up to you as well.

    Take care

     

  • Teach76
    Teach76 Member Posts: 354 Member
    #4
    I can relate . . .

     I can certainly sympathize with you.  Here's a suggestion.   When you go to visit, try to make it a "special day".  Perhaps plan to decorate a little, or meet your aunt there for a little reunion.  Maybe after visiting you and your aunt could go for a meal or coffee - it gives you the opportunity to discuss things, or not.  Maybe she needs some time with someone else, too.

Discussion Boards