For ladies with no reconstruction: Locker rooms/changing rooms?

TraciInLA

I could use some advice, or maybe just some encouragement:

I had a bilateral mastectomy with no reconstruction a little over a year ago.  While I’m completely healed, because I had radiation to my chest 6 years ago, I’m not smooth, but have lots of lumps and bumps and ridges.  According to all my doctors, that’s normal for surgery on radiatied tissue.

I don’t really care how my bare chest looks.  My partner has no issues at all with it.  I go flat most of the time, wear small breast forms with some of my dressier work clothes, and am very happy with my decision.

I’ve started taking yoga classes, and I love it.  The stretching really helps the tightness I still feel in my chest, and all those planks and down dogs make me feel stronger.  My doctors are thrilled.

But I feel self-conscious, and I hate that I do.  I try to wear t-shirts with high necks, but, you get into plank or down dog, and anybody who might be looking can see down your shirt.  Do I really think anybody is bothering to look down my shirt?  No.  And so what if they see a lumpy bumpy bare chest?  I want to say -- who cares?  But it’s hard.

Then there’s the locker room.  Sometimes I have someplace to go before or after class, so need to change.  I used to have no cares at all about flashing my boobs around a locker room!  But now are women going to be freaked out?  Should I care if they are?

Like I said, ladies – I could use some encouragement.  I’m doing something good for my health here, and I really want to feel positive about it.

 

Traci

camul

Dear TracinLa....

Apparently, most of the time you have no problem with the lumpy chest.  I know that feeling, there were just sometimes, changing, others seeing it that bothered me.  I did have reconstruction, but not so much a matching set as I only had a s I angle , but it took 4 surgeries to get them close enuf to look like an almost matching pair, web one side lumpy w/many scars and scar tissue, and still sitting almost an inch higher.  I had 6 surgeries in 10 months, I decided no more surgeries.

When I got to the tatoo artist,, we talked about the nipples and how they should look, but then decided to do a small tat  to cover the scars and scratch the nips!

Now I have a beautiful hummingbird tatoo that covers the whole breast and up to the shoulder, I love it, had no trouble if others saw it at the gym I was going to, but the most important thing is I feel good when I look at this beautiful work of art and more astonishingly, it is a part of where I was, am now, and is allowing me embrace a

If you are not completely happy, then I would look into alternatives.  Bottom line is my chest is noT perfect, however it is beautiful, and a reminder of how strong I am

 

Good luck Traci 

Hugs, 

Pixie Dust

Basketballs not on the court

Traci, I know exactly where you stand on this situation. I also had a BMX Jan. 29th, 2014. I did not care at all when my ONC said I had to have a BMX. I hated I had cancer but was thrilled to the moon and back that I was going to get rid of those basketballs. Did not even consider reconstruction. I knew when I got rid of those, no more for me. Not even a grape size.  My daughter nor my husband wanted me to have reconstruction because my mom passed with breast cancer and they thought it would be easier to detect if I was flat and got it again in the chest area since I am high risk of it returning.   A general surgeon first done my BMX. terrible job. I was so upset with the way I looked and after I healed my insurance paid for a plastic surgeon to fix me up right. I do know how you feel about bending over and someone looking down your shirt and nothing there. Does not bother me at all because when I get back up it is feels a lot better on my back not having to raise those basketballs also. LOL  Now for the exercising and having to change clothes in front of other ladies it would not bother me at all. After you do it once you will not care to keep doing it. Another thing that you could do is get a tatto across your scar lines. I have thought about it but have not done it yet. I would like to have a tiny leaf vine drawn on all my scars with different colors of little flowers. I think this would be very pretty. Maybe if you go this way you would get alot of complements from the ladies instead of stares. Anyway onced they seen you they would know you had cancer and go there own way.  Don't worry be happy !!!     HUGS Pixie

 

maglets

Pixie Dust said:

Basketballs not on the court

Traci, I know exactly where you stand on this situation. I also had a BMX Jan. 29th, 2014. I did not care at all when my ONC said I had to have a BMX. I hated I had cancer but was thrilled to the moon and back that I was going to get rid of those basketballs. Did not even consider reconstruction. I knew when I got rid of those, no more for me. Not even a grape size.  My daughter nor my husband wanted me to have reconstruction because my mom passed with breast cancer and they thought it would be easier to detect if I was flat and got it again in the chest area since I am high risk of it returning.   A general surgeon first done my BMX. terrible job. I was so upset with the way I looked and after I healed my insurance paid for a plastic surgeon to fix me up right. I do know how you feel about bending over and someone looking down your shirt and nothing there. Does not bother me at all because when I get back up it is feels a lot better on my back not having to raise those basketballs also. LOL  Now for the exercising and having to change clothes in front of other ladies it would not bother me at all. After you do it once you will not care to keep doing it. Another thing that you could do is get a tatto across your scar lines. I have thought about it but have not done it yet. I would like to have a tiny leaf vine drawn on all my scars with different colors of little flowers. I think this would be very pretty. Maybe if you go this way you would get alot of complements from the ladies instead of stares. Anyway onced they seen you they would know you had cancer and go there own way.  Don't worry be happy !!!     HUGS Pixie

 

Traci

Traci i have been struggling with some of your same questions.  I am going to stretch classes at the Y and change before I go.  Downward dog.....there I am staring at gigantic prosethis that tends to slip upwards towards throat in inverted positions.....it feels so heavy.  last week I bought a new bathing suit but I am have not had the nerve to change for aquafit. Most of the ladies are of a certain age but I just feel so shy about changing in front of them.  I have appendix, caesarian, then colon resection and two liver resections......these beauties go from hip up to breast bone and down to hip.  Now add to this the new mastectomy... I just cannot find the nerve to do it.  I do not want to embarass other women.....I know it will be very hard for them Not to stare. My body is starting to look pretty well mutilated.  Maybe someday I will take it all as warriors badges but not right now.....I feel shy separate alone somewhat ashamed....

sorry Traci what the heck am I thinking......supposed to be bucking you up Girl!!!! sorry Traci....just no good suggestions.......

mags

Clementine_P

Try layering

Hi Traci,

I too understand what you are going through.  As you know I had a BMX but did have reconstruction.  Still, if anyone were to see me unclothed, the lack of nipples would be a dead giveaway that something is amiss (not to mention the 6 inch scars).  I too take yoga and so I wear two tank tops (which I know stay put on me since I have reconstruction way better than they will with you but it is still worth a shot).  So try wearing a cloth stretchy tank with your regular gym top.  It will be still be pretty comfortable but may offer you more coverage when you are downward dogging it.

As for changing, I admit, that I face my locker and try to wait until nobody is around to change.  I'm much better with the self consciousness now but at first I took my gym top into the bathroom stall with me and just change into it there.  After a while that just became more of an annoyance than having anyone see me topless so I now just face my locker and go for it. 

Yoga helps me a lot with the tightness I have as well and so I think any unfounded embarassment I feel about changing in front of others is worth it.  I'm glad you are giving yoga a go!

Clem

twnkltoz

I hear you, and I can

I hear you, and I can understand why you feel this way. This disease takes so much from us.

I had a UMX, so I walk around with one boob. Thankfully, I was not well endowed, so it's not as obvious as if I had DDs. I don't have a prosthetic yet, plus I need to heal from radiation before I'll be comfortable in a bra. I was told not to reconstruct for a year after radiation.

Here's my thought: there's nothing shameful about having breast cancer and doing what you have to do to get healthy. My scars and bumps are a badge of honor, a symbol of what I went through. My victory over a disease that could have killed me. I will reconstruct when I can because I like having boobs, but I refuse to feel ashamed or hide my scars. I even put a picture on my blog. If anyone sees you and thinks less of you because you're not perfect, they need to work on themselves.

I actually asked some men online how they would feel about it, and almost all of them said they have no problem with scars, even big ones. It's a sign of a body that's been lived in! While they might miss your boobs if you don't reconstruct, there are lots of other parts to enjoy. ;-) (sorry if that last part is TMI, but I found it reassuring)

TraciInLA

twnkltoz said:

I hear you, and I can

I hear you, and I can understand why you feel this way. This disease takes so much from us.

I had a UMX, so I walk around with one boob. Thankfully, I was not well endowed, so it's not as obvious as if I had DDs. I don't have a prosthetic yet, plus I need to heal from radiation before I'll be comfortable in a bra. I was told not to reconstruct for a year after radiation.

Here's my thought: there's nothing shameful about having breast cancer and doing what you have to do to get healthy. My scars and bumps are a badge of honor, a symbol of what I went through. My victory over a disease that could have killed me. I will reconstruct when I can because I like having boobs, but I refuse to feel ashamed or hide my scars. I even put a picture on my blog. If anyone sees you and thinks less of you because you're not perfect, they need to work on themselves.

I actually asked some men online how they would feel about it, and almost all of them said they have no problem with scars, even big ones. It's a sign of a body that's been lived in! While they might miss your boobs if you don't reconstruct, there are lots of other parts to enjoy. ;-) (sorry if that last part is TMI, but I found it reassuring)

"Lots of other parts to enjoy"

twnkltoz, I sure hope nobody is trying to "enjoy" any of my "other parts" in my yoga class! 

Mags, you said something that struck a chord with me:  I take a very beginner-level yoga class, where we do A LOT of downward dog.  So you're right, I spend A LOT of time staring down my own shirt.  I'm sure that doesn't help with my being self-conscious.

Clementine, the tank-top idea was actually the first thing I tried -- would you believe, tank-top makers assume that women have breasts?  Who knew?   They hang so low on me that they don't cover anything!  But I admit I haven't looked very earnestly, and certainly could give it another go with another brand.

Traci

twnkltoz

TraciInLA said:

"Lots of other parts to enjoy"

twnkltoz, I sure hope nobody is trying to "enjoy" any of my "other parts" in my yoga class! 

Mags, you said something that struck a chord with me:  I take a very beginner-level yoga class, where we do A LOT of downward dog.  So you're right, I spend A LOT of time staring down my own shirt.  I'm sure that doesn't help with my being self-conscious.

Clementine, the tank-top idea was actually the first thing I tried -- would you believe, tank-top makers assume that women have breasts?  Who knew?   They hang so low on me that they don't cover anything!  But I admit I haven't looked very earnestly, and certainly could give it another go with another brand.

Traci

haha sorry I meant as

haha sorry I meant as partners.

duck1255

Tank top

Try wearing the tank top backwards. I have found that the back is typically higher than the front. I do this all the time for work when layering with a blouse

TraciInLA

duck1255 said:

Tank top

Try wearing the tank top backwards. I have found that the back is typically higher than the front. I do this all the time for work when layering with a blouse

What a great idea!

Duck, that's such a brilliantly simple idea that never even occurred to me!  THANK YOU, I'm definitely going to give that a try!

Gm2873

TraciInLA said:

What a great idea!

Duck, that's such a brilliantly simple idea that never even occurred to me!  THANK YOU, I'm definitely going to give that a try!

Tank top

I wear men's sleeveless t shirts under other shirts. They fit snugly and cover you up. For my aqua aerobic class, I change in the family restroom. Fortunately, at our YMCA, they have two family restrooms that are large and have a shower. I'm not ashamed of my body, but I've had so many surgeries, I feel like my body is scarey looking to others, and no sense showing it off.