Emotions

Tonita

As the date of my surgery is approaching, I'm having some anxiety, a little depression, fear, etc.  I suppose this is all "normal".   The unknowns are the worst.  The best case scenario is that it won't be overly invasive where I need reconstruction but just sutures.  I'm worried that all this time passing, the cancer is spreading.

I'm starting the patch tomorrow for the smoking.  The fear of failure is prevalent there too.

What a roller coaster I'm on right now.  I have so much wonderful support from my family and here too. 

I guess I just needed to vent a little.

 

 

 

SQLNOLE

Good luck
Good luck with your surgery.

I will be scheduling mine soon.

Barbaraek

This is the right place to vent...

and to come for support. We're here for you Tonita. What you feel is very normal, it's what most of the people on this site have felt at one time or another. Take comfort in the fact that there are many survivors here - and that we'll be praying to add you to that list.

Good for you in starting that patch! You are in a situation where so much is out of your control..being proactive about quitting is something you CAN do, so I applaud you taking that first step.

Hang in there, post often and remember that we're pulling for you.

Barbara

Loveandbelieve

You can do this.  The body is

You can do this.  The body is miraculous and heals so much faster than you can imagine.  I feel for you as I read your fear.  I can remember the anxiety like it was yesterday.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.  I took up meditation and positive affirmations.  I downloaded free ones to my cellphone and would listen to them at night.  It helped me to fall asleep.  

Please do all all you can to quit smoking.  cigarettes And sugar should be your enemy.  wheatgrass is suppose to have an abundance of health benefits.  I drink it when I can.  It's awful tasting but is full of power.  

Don't lose hope you can do this.  My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers.

best of luck

 

 

phrannie51

Even those of us who have

gone through treatment....chemo and rads....can get hyper anxious at scan time, or if we're faced with something new.

I went through 16 weeks of treatment.....7 weeks or radiation and rads, then another 9 weeks of two types of chemo.  When it was said and done, I thought ok, that's over, and look at me I'm still in one piece....I stayed on the board for 3 years, and I have heard that the surgery is the easiest part at least 100 times.  In October I found out I was going to have to get a neck dissection....I was more scared of the surgery, than when I was on the bad end of the tunnel for chemo and rads.  And guess what?  The 2nd day out of surgery was almost like I'd never had any surgery at all, I felt that good.  It was kind of weird having a spectacular wound, that didn't hurt....LOL. 

Use your patches....and if you get the urge, remind yourself the urge only lasts 2 minutes or so....I've given up some hard things in my life....smoking has them all beat in terms of difficulty.

p

CivilMatt

Tonita,

Not that you need to, but I became familiar with Lorazepam during radiation treatments and scans, it was just enough to help me through the anxiety. 

The doctor should have a good idea on the seriousness of your surgery, as I remember you have a quarter size spot on your tongue and I don’t remember about lymph nodes.  My surgery was on the tongue and one lymph node, it wasn’t too bad and I recovered quickly.

Good luck on stopping smoking, it is worth it. I wouldn’t get too wrapped up with failure as this is a bad time to beat yourself up.  Odds are you may not want to smoke after starting radiation.

The easiest and far and away the best advice the H&N forum gave to me was to start drinking water, lots of water and swallowing, swallowing, swallowing.  It may not sound like much but it paid off big time and today I’m still drinking lots of water and swallowing, swallowing, swallowing.

Best of luck,

Matt

.

wmc

Yes what you are going through Is Normal......

Being scarred is to be expected, as Cancer is a scarry word. Use that fear to help you quit. I understand about quiting more than you know. Over many years [42] I had tried the patche several times, but I smoked with the patch. The lozenges, which were awful. They used to have a tube like a cigarette years before the vapor. Tried vapor telling myselh it is safer and I will quit with it. PLEASE, do not do vapor. I have stage 3 COPD and vapor will hurt your lungs even can be worse that smoking. Think about this, if you heat water to a vapor when you exhale you dont get smoke of vapor. You are heating the nicotine and I believe some even have some oil to get the vapor. I have a drop of mineral oil in my lung from surgery and it is the size of a nickle and has been there 44 years and now has crystallized and it is not good. Also do not ever use Camel Crush. My doctor asked what the H**l I did to my lungs in nine months. I sorta skipped stage 2 and fast tracked to 3. I do not use medical marijuana, but it is legal in my state and I do belive in it for some cases. Just know that if you smoke it you will get emphysema because you expand your lungs with smoke and that is what will distroy your alveoli [air sacks] I have had lung problems for most of my life 44+ years unless I count being born with a web in my throat and then it would be all of my life.  I was told I have a 25% chance the cancer will return, but that is also 75% it won't. If I smoke it goes to 90% it will return. 

To quit you really have to want to. No maybe, or i'll quit after this pack, or maybe next Saturday. You just pick today I stop smoking and treat like alcoholism, you can never have the next one. YOU are the only one that can make the dission. I quit August 28th at 8:00pm 2013 this is a date and time I will never quit. I never had any craving. Might have to due with coughing up ounces of blood. Please excuse me being so blunt, but you need true facts. You see, I beat throat Cancer, but I can't beat emphysema and will die from it. My lungs look as if a bomb went off in them. Just one other small thing. Because I smoked and my lungs are in really bad shape, the only way they would treat my cancer was ir they cut out my Larynx and breath through my neck the reat of my life, or die. If you click on my name on the sude it will take you to my page and you can then go to Expressions that has photos. Not recomended for the week or young.

I do hope you can quit.

Bill

Kent Cass

Opportunity

Two birds with one stone? You're not going to be able to smoke in the hospital, you know, post-Op. Use your hospital stay as the beginning of your life without smoking. And, you can make inquiries about any groups, or such, they might have affiliated with the hospital for when you do go home, if you feel you need to. Have you asked your ENT Dr about any help, or suggestions he/she might have?

Not smoking= survival.

Not drinking= survival.

Now that I'm "out of the closet" as a successfully recovering alcoholic since the summer of 1985, due to another thread, I can tell you that foremost in my mind in staying sober back in the early days and months was the simple second equation I have listed above. Really was. What I didn't include in the other thread was that I did have one relapse. Early-fall of 1986, after I moved to NW Chicagoland when I landed a job, there, I drank and got drunk for 10 nights out of 11 nights. I had not made the grade with the job, and was let-go (my excuse for drinking, again). Feeling strong enough, I drove back downstate to my Folk's house and spent a week, there. South side of their house needed painting, and that's what I did for that week. Those 10 drunk nights had removed any doubt as to whether or not I am an alcoholic, and I kept thinking about that equation, knowing I could not hold down a job and survive as a drunk. Drove the 100+ miles back to Chicagoland on a Monday morning, got lucky in landing a job, and the rest is a sober history. Me being me, I've stayed sober without AA, also, as meetings included people who did not take sobriety seriously and were constantly relapsing, and that was a threat to me. I just added 11 days to my Anniversary date of sobriety, and moved forward.

Now, Tonita, in regards to your smoking. Being a Keith Richards wanna-be since the Beggar's Banquet thru Exile On Main Street time, I also smoked back then, which might have helped with the sobriety. Regardless, where I worked I got a groin-area hernia that required an Op., then a 2nd Op. when an internal bleeding complication developed, and I spent 3 nights in the hospital. I didn't have a smoke for over 4 complete days, and felt no withdrawal symptoms at all. First night in Detox from the booze I had bugs crawling all over my body, panic sweats, and coulda swore I heard a few voices that had to come from the ether. Nothing like that happened when I went thru those 4 days after the hernia Ops.; and then, in late-2008 when I came down with C and had to quit smoking, I just changed the equation to the first one listed above, and it worked for me. People can say what they may about smoking and how tough it is to quit- my experience is that it's all mental. I replaced the cigarettes with chewing gum and candy suckers to keep my mouth busy, and stayed busy doing this and that, and it was no problem. I was also working full-time at the factory on 1st shift, and there's no smoking at work, so that also helped. Thing is, Tonita, you have to take it as a very serious matter- a life or death matter. If you can do that, then I know you can stop the smoking. I smoked from 1972-2008, but when the cigarettes took-on the face of Death, in my eyes, I just stamped that first equation in my mind and quit.

Best of luck to you, Tonita, and know you are with us, and in all of our Prayers.

Believe

kcass 

PS- no, I am NOT Keith Richards. (I gotta keep telling myself that)

phrannie51

Kent Cass said:

Opportunity

Two birds with one stone? You're not going to be able to smoke in the hospital, you know, post-Op. Use your hospital stay as the beginning of your life without smoking. And, you can make inquiries about any groups, or such, they might have affiliated with the hospital for when you do go home, if you feel you need to. Have you asked your ENT Dr about any help, or suggestions he/she might have?

Not smoking= survival.

Not drinking= survival.

Now that I'm "out of the closet" as a successfully recovering alcoholic since the summer of 1985, due to another thread, I can tell you that foremost in my mind in staying sober back in the early days and months was the simple second equation I have listed above. Really was. What I didn't include in the other thread was that I did have one relapse. Early-fall of 1986, after I moved to NW Chicagoland when I landed a job, there, I drank and got drunk for 10 nights out of 11 nights. I had not made the grade with the job, and was let-go (my excuse for drinking, again). Feeling strong enough, I drove back downstate to my Folk's house and spent a week, there. South side of their house needed painting, and that's what I did for that week. Those 10 drunk nights had removed any doubt as to whether or not I am an alcoholic, and I kept thinking about that equation, knowing I could not hold down a job and survive as a drunk. Drove the 100+ miles back to Chicagoland on a Monday morning, got lucky in landing a job, and the rest is a sober history. Me being me, I've stayed sober without AA, also, as meetings included people who did not take sobriety seriously and were constantly relapsing, and that was a threat to me. I just added 11 days to my Anniversary date of sobriety, and moved forward.

Now, Tonita, in regards to your smoking. Being a Keith Richards wanna-be since the Beggar's Banquet thru Exile On Main Street time, I also smoked back then, which might have helped with the sobriety. Regardless, where I worked I got a groin-area hernia that required an Op., then a 2nd Op. when an internal bleeding complication developed, and I spent 3 nights in the hospital. I didn't have a smoke for over 4 complete days, and felt no withdrawal symptoms at all. First night in Detox from the booze I had bugs crawling all over my body, panic sweats, and coulda swore I heard a few voices that had to come from the ether. Nothing like that happened when I went thru those 4 days after the hernia Ops.; and then, in late-2008 when I came down with C and had to quit smoking, I just changed the equation to the first one listed above, and it worked for me. People can say what they may about smoking and how tough it is to quit- my experience is that it's all mental. I replaced the cigarettes with chewing gum and candy suckers to keep my mouth busy, and stayed busy doing this and that, and it was no problem. I was also working full-time at the factory on 1st shift, and there's no smoking at work, so that also helped. Thing is, Tonita, you have to take it as a very serious matter- a life or death matter. If you can do that, then I know you can stop the smoking. I smoked from 1972-2008, but when the cigarettes took-on the face of Death, in my eyes, I just stamped that first equation in my mind and quit.

Best of luck to you, Tonita, and know you are with us, and in all of our Prayers.

Believe

kcass 

PS- no, I am NOT Keith Richards. (I gotta keep telling myself that)

After all these years...

Kent....now I understand the bond I felt when I first met you on here.  I just got my 29 year chip in January....I'm not as tough as you, I had to use the AA fellowship to do it, and am still a active member (somebody's got to help those young ones).  If you were in this room, I'd have to give ya a big hug, you'd probably tell me to knock it off, but I just wouldn't be able to contain myself!!!  

p

tommyodavey

phrannie51 said:

After all these years...

Kent....now I understand the bond I felt when I first met you on here.  I just got my 29 year chip in January....I'm not as tough as you, I had to use the AA fellowship to do it, and am still a active member (somebody's got to help those young ones).  If you were in this room, I'd have to give ya a big hug, you'd probably tell me to knock it off, but I just wouldn't be able to contain myself!!!  

p

Friend of Bill's

Well Phrannie, so much for anonymity!  I took my last drink on April 5th, 1987 so we are right around the same time frame.  Funny how we are together and not know it until later.  It's been quite a long while since I've been to a meeting so I won't pretend that I do go.  AA saved my life then and I know anywhere in the world I can walk in and feel welcomed.

 

Rule62 is my motto in life.  You'll know it if you ever read Chuch Chamberlins book.

 

T

Kent Cass

phrannie51 said:

After all these years...

Kent....now I understand the bond I felt when I first met you on here.  I just got my 29 year chip in January....I'm not as tough as you, I had to use the AA fellowship to do it, and am still a active member (somebody's got to help those young ones).  If you were in this room, I'd have to give ya a big hug, you'd probably tell me to knock it off, but I just wouldn't be able to contain myself!!!  

p