Saying hello for the first time

tamaven01

Hi guys,  

I've just found all of you this evening and I'm so glad I did, but I am definitely new to this.  I'm 47 and was having lots of bone pain in my lower back for the last 6 months and finally in December after an MRI was diagnosed with kidney cancer, very small tumor on my left kidney, but 5 spots of bone mets on my spine, hip bones etc.  I have a very rigourous managerial job, and am lucky enough to have been on leave since mid December to get through these intial weeks.  I just finished my first 4 weeks of sutent, have done my two week break and start again on Monday.  It's been very comforting to see all of your posts and know that there are others that can truly understand what I'm going through.  

There are a few topics I'd love to hear about if anyone has some thoughts.  One thing is that I'm feeling pretty torn up about not working some days, because as of now I really feel pretty good (although I take morphine sulfate round the clock for pain, 15mg or 30mg depending).  I have a very high stress managment role at a large corporation and I have been there 18 years, so I know it's a tough environment for me to focus on myself.   With that, I've known other people that I've worked with in the past that powered through all their cancer treatments, worked full time, worked out, etc.. and my hat is tipped to all of you/those superheros.  

I am curious what some of you did with your careers, how much time did you take after your intial diagnosis?  I'm doing ok emotionally, but I'm still wrapping my head around this on a daily basis.  I found out Dec. 10th.  At this point, I absolutley don't want to work if I don't have to, but how long does that go on? Any advice around that? I'm trying to take every advantage of using this time to take care of myself, and do some traveling to visit friends and family since I'm physically feeling ok.  My bosses and teams have been very supportive, but I know they'd love for me to come back.  Thoughts?

Nice to meet all of you and God bless, Tam

 

icemantoo

Welcome

Tam,

 

You have a hell of a positive attitude for joining us with the extra baggage in tow. Have you had your surgery yet? Until you have recovered from your surgery and completed your treatments it is a little early to address back to work issues. No two recoveries are the same and your initial treatment is not the usual. When you are at least a month past your surgery and all of your treatments is probably the earliest you should make the back to work and or retire decisions. These are just my thoughts. Others will chime in and whatever decision is made has to be what is best for you.

 

 

Icemantoo

Positive_Mental_Attitude

Welcome!  That is a very

Welcome!  That is a very ineresting question you posted.

You sound like me--a workaholic, and I mean that with all due respect.  I am a year or two older than you-I turn 49 next week.  I am an attorney, and our small firm works mostly with large corporations.  While I was only diagnosed with stage 1 kidney cancer, and mine was handled with a partial open nephrectromy, the words "you have kidney cancer" rang my bell pretty hard.  Going back to the year of my original diagnosis, I had the worst year of my truly charmed life.  Our office was destroyed in a fire, one of my good friends died of cancer at 41, and then I got hit with the diagnosis.  Up  until last year, I worked like a maniac--60 to 70 hours per week, nights, weekends, during my family vacations, etc.

I took 2 weeks off from work after my surgery, except one of my largest clients asked me to sit in on a meeting exactly one week after a surgery.  I was not ready for it, but I foolishly obliged. I regret that decision.  Nearly exactly a year after my surgery, after nearly 15 years of dedicated service to that client, we were canned, along with several long term internal employees who were part of the department we worked with.  I had been clamoring that I wanted to work less, and I guess the saying be careful what you wish for hit home for me.

But I got my wish.  We have a lot less work now, and I am happier for it.  I finally am getting myself into a regular exercise routine.  I am a lot less stressed at work.  I am spending a lot more time at home with my wife and two boys.  My oldest started high school this year, and I want to spend as much time with my boys before they are off to college. 

You said in your post " I know it's a tough environment for me to focus on myself."  My opinion is that we need to focus on ourselves first if we are going to be able to give 100% to others, whether that is our families and/or our employers.  I am not impressed by the superheroes who powered through their cancer treatments and continued to work--but if that is what worked for them ---great.  Maybe focussing on work helped them keep their mind off of cancer.  For me, however, who was dealing with a very mild ailment in comparison to someone dealing with stage 3 or stage 4 cancer, I needed time away from work, and I am glad I was able to take it.  After many years of working closely with large corporations, in my opinion, they are all about the same--they don't really care about you, but they care about what they can get out of you. 

It sounds like your have great bosses and co-workers.  I would have an open discussion with your bosses and ask them how much longer you can take for yourself.  I would tell them that you want to be sure that when you come back you want to be able to be at 100% capacity.  Sorry if this all sounds preachy, but you kind of hit a nerve with me, and I am still processing.  But I will end with that I feel like I have MY LIFE back, and I am living it the way I want to live it, and not letting my clients drive it.

grafer

To work or not?

Hi Tam

Welcome to the club! Everyone reacts to the 'cancer' diagnosis differently.   I am stage 4 - diagnosed exactly 1 year ago. I am a Branch manager for a fabrication company - At the time of diagnosis, and until very recently, I did not take any time off at all, apart from a day every two weeks for treatment ( I am on a clinical trial). Apart from being somewhat tired, I have not been badly affected by treatment and have been more than happy to go to work - I think it takes your mind off all the bad thoughts that surround this disease - and allows you to have some 'normality' in yr life. It's only in recent weeks I have decided to 'wind down' and intend to probably drop back to 3-4 days a week.

Dont make any hasty decisions. You need to do what feels right for YOU.

Good luck.

 

 

foxhd

grafer said:

To work or not?

Hi Tam

Welcome to the club! Everyone reacts to the 'cancer' diagnosis differently.   I am stage 4 - diagnosed exactly 1 year ago. I am a Branch manager for a fabrication company - At the time of diagnosis, and until very recently, I did not take any time off at all, apart from a day every two weeks for treatment ( I am on a clinical trial). Apart from being somewhat tired, I have not been badly affected by treatment and have been more than happy to go to work - I think it takes your mind off all the bad thoughts that surround this disease - and allows you to have some 'normality' in yr life. It's only in recent weeks I have decided to 'wind down' and intend to probably drop back to 3-4 days a week.

Dont make any hasty decisions. You need to do what feels right for YOU.

Good luck.

 

 

I returned to work

after a couple months but decided to retire when they told me there was nothing they could do and I had maybe 6 mos to live. That is called stressful! So off I went to 3 other cancer centers. And they said the same thing. Work was now the last thing I ever thought about. I decided to enjoy my time left and try 1 more cancer center. That was in october of 2011. And here I am. Prospering despite having been challenged several times. I only have savings and social security to live on but manage easily. Things may have been different if I wasn't stage 4.

hardo718

foxhd said:

I returned to work

after a couple months but decided to retire when they told me there was nothing they could do and I had maybe 6 mos to live. That is called stressful! So off I went to 3 other cancer centers. And they said the same thing. Work was now the last thing I ever thought about. I decided to enjoy my time left and try 1 more cancer center. That was in october of 2011. And here I am. Prospering despite having been challenged several times. I only have savings and social security to live on but manage easily. Things may have been different if I wasn't stage 4.

Welcome Tam

Although mine was only a Stage 1, I returned to work after 3 weeks.  In retrospect, I would not do that again.  I was very dedicated to my patients & coworkers, and it reflected so in my performance appraisals for the last 30+ years.  I've learned a few things about myself since then, I tend to put myself last.  About 6 months after my return to work my uncle began having health issues (oral cancer).  I am the only living relative in the same area of the country and I quickly realized I needed to be primary caregiver to him.  I dropped from a full-time position to part-time so I could take him for treatments, etc.  Another year into it, as he progressively got worse I ended up taking a Leave of Absence.  Unfortunately, FMLA only applies to immediate family.  I was on Leave for less than 2 weeks when I was replaced at work.  It stung pretty bad.  Initially, I kept saying (maybe to convince myself), it's okay, I understand, they were in a crunch, blah, blah, blah.  (Most of my career was as a Respiratory Therapist, the last 3 years at the same hospital I was a Hyperbaric Tech in the Wound Care Dept.)  That was May 2015, my dear uncle passed July 7th.  Looking back, I would not have traded one moment of my time with my uncle.  Those days I will treasure forever.  Of course after his passing the HR dept said they'd find a place for me, that was a joke.  At much lesser pay, odd shifts, and something that required no education.  No thank you.  I also turned 62 in July and decided to take an early retirement.  Still not sure if it was the best thing to do but frankly, since I am executor of his estate and there are 19 beneficiaries it's been a full-time job, I just don't have to leave the house.  Bonus on the cold blustery days!

I suppose it's an individual decision ultimately and you will decide what's best for you.  My simple advice:  whatever makes you happiest, just think it through.  Personally, I pose the following question to myself:   when my days have ended, will I be most thankful for the time spent with my loved ones, or for the time I spent away from them?

God bless you,

Donna~

tamaven01

Wow, thank you so much for your input everyone, very helpful.

For further context to my situation, I am stage 4 and they are not going to be operating on my kidney as my tumor is only 1.4 cm's and my bone lesions are much more extensive.  The approach we've discussed is just systemic treatment using the soft tissue tumor to guage my progress with the Sutent.   

icemantoo

tamaven01 said:

Wow, thank you so much for your input everyone, very helpful.

For further context to my situation, I am stage 4 and they are not going to be operating on my kidney as my tumor is only 1.4 cm's and my bone lesions are much more extensive.  The approach we've discussed is just systemic treatment using the soft tissue tumor to guage my progress with the Sutent.   

Not fair

Tam,

 

Not fair. Mets are  rare with tumors under 4cm.

 

 

Icemantoo

Jan4you

icemantoo said:

Not fair

Tam,

 

Not fair. Mets are  rare with tumors under 4cm.

 

 

Icemantoo

Glad you found us, Tam and I

Glad you found us, Tam and I am glad we found YOU!

Sorry for all you are going through at this time.

I have no other experience to offer you, but what I will do

is send you hope, strength, when your is draining

and care for better days!

A warm hello! HUGS~

Jan

tamaven01

foxhd said:

I returned to work

after a couple months but decided to retire when they told me there was nothing they could do and I had maybe 6 mos to live. That is called stressful! So off I went to 3 other cancer centers. And they said the same thing. Work was now the last thing I ever thought about. I decided to enjoy my time left and try 1 more cancer center. That was in october of 2011. And here I am. Prospering despite having been challenged several times. I only have savings and social security to live on but manage easily. Things may have been different if I wasn't stage 4.

thank you so much

Wow, powerful story, thank you so much for sharing. Great encouragment. 

tamaven01

Positive_Mental_Attitude said:

Welcome!  That is a very

Welcome!  That is a very ineresting question you posted.

You sound like me--a workaholic, and I mean that with all due respect.  I am a year or two older than you-I turn 49 next week.  I am an attorney, and our small firm works mostly with large corporations.  While I was only diagnosed with stage 1 kidney cancer, and mine was handled with a partial open nephrectromy, the words "you have kidney cancer" rang my bell pretty hard.  Going back to the year of my original diagnosis, I had the worst year of my truly charmed life.  Our office was destroyed in a fire, one of my good friends died of cancer at 41, and then I got hit with the diagnosis.  Up  until last year, I worked like a maniac--60 to 70 hours per week, nights, weekends, during my family vacations, etc.

I took 2 weeks off from work after my surgery, except one of my largest clients asked me to sit in on a meeting exactly one week after a surgery.  I was not ready for it, but I foolishly obliged. I regret that decision.  Nearly exactly a year after my surgery, after nearly 15 years of dedicated service to that client, we were canned, along with several long term internal employees who were part of the department we worked with.  I had been clamoring that I wanted to work less, and I guess the saying be careful what you wish for hit home for me.

But I got my wish.  We have a lot less work now, and I am happier for it.  I finally am getting myself into a regular exercise routine.  I am a lot less stressed at work.  I am spending a lot more time at home with my wife and two boys.  My oldest started high school this year, and I want to spend as much time with my boys before they are off to college. 

You said in your post " I know it's a tough environment for me to focus on myself."  My opinion is that we need to focus on ourselves first if we are going to be able to give 100% to others, whether that is our families and/or our employers.  I am not impressed by the superheroes who powered through their cancer treatments and continued to work--but if that is what worked for them ---great.  Maybe focussing on work helped them keep their mind off of cancer.  For me, however, who was dealing with a very mild ailment in comparison to someone dealing with stage 3 or stage 4 cancer, I needed time away from work, and I am glad I was able to take it.  After many years of working closely with large corporations, in my opinion, they are all about the same--they don't really care about you, but they care about what they can get out of you. 

It sounds like your have great bosses and co-workers.  I would have an open discussion with your bosses and ask them how much longer you can take for yourself.  I would tell them that you want to be sure that when you come back you want to be able to be at 100% capacity.  Sorry if this all sounds preachy, but you kind of hit a nerve with me, and I am still processing.  But I will end with that I feel like I have MY LIFE back, and I am living it the way I want to live it, and not letting my clients drive it.

you definitely get the picture

Thank you so much for sharing, and taking so much time to walk me through your thoughts.  I couldn't agree more, as I do recognize that I'm completely institutionalized at this point, however the guilt of not being there for the company continues to hang on me.  Thank you for the encouragement and taking the time to respond to my question.  Much appreciate - Tamera 

 

 

rainsandpours

tamaven01 said:

Wow, thank you so much for your input everyone, very helpful.

For further context to my situation, I am stage 4 and they are not going to be operating on my kidney as my tumor is only 1.4 cm's and my bone lesions are much more extensive.  The approach we've discussed is just systemic treatment using the soft tissue tumor to guage my progress with the Sutent.   

I'm sorry you're dealing with

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I'm also stunned you have mets with a small tumor.  Mine was that size, and I had an open partial 2.5 years ago.  

Seriously,  let working be at the bottom of the priority list.  You need to rest in  order to give yourself the best chance possible to become free of cancer.  Stress, long hours, commuting and rushing around will only exhaust you.

If you're financially able to stay home, do so.  Your coworkers would.

I'm home on med leave right now( 5th time), and I'm trying to find a way to never go back.  After 8 surgeries  in 3 years, my body is beat.  My brain is also fried and I just can't cope working anymore.  Cancer takes a lot out of you,...and that time is best spent doing things to feel well.

 

Best wishes to you.

Jojo61

rainsandpours said:

I'm sorry you're dealing with

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I'm also stunned you have mets with a small tumor.  Mine was that size, and I had an open partial 2.5 years ago.  

Seriously,  let working be at the bottom of the priority list.  You need to rest in  order to give yourself the best chance possible to become free of cancer.  Stress, long hours, commuting and rushing around will only exhaust you.

If you're financially able to stay home, do so.  Your coworkers would.

I'm home on med leave right now( 5th time), and I'm trying to find a way to never go back.  After 8 surgeries  in 3 years, my body is beat.  My brain is also fried and I just can't cope working anymore.  Cancer takes a lot out of you,...and that time is best spent doing things to feel well.

 

Best wishes to you.

Hi Tam. Welcome!
I can

Hi Tam. Welcome!

I can already tell that you are a "hit the ground running" kind of girl. You have been hit with a serious diagnosis - with a very positive attitude. I had a 13 cm tumor removed just over 2 years ago. Stage 3, grade 2. Although, at first, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop (turning to stage 4), I am much more comfortable since I passed the 2 year mark. That being said, it has changed my outlook on life. I have been working for the school board (secretary) since 1979. Times have changed a lot!! I am eligible to retire this year, and I am going for it. I work in a very fast-paced, needy school. It is very rewarding, and I do like it, but I rarely get a break and come home exhausted. When I returned to work after my surgery, I told them that I need to get at least a lunch break. In the following 5 months I got 3 lunch breaks. The supervisors tried their best, but they were running from one fire to the next. This week I got one 15 minute break, and worked 5 hours overtime (without pay). Things at work have not changed, as much as I would like them to. Here is what I am trying to say...work goes on, whether you are there or not. You are away one day, and they continue to plow on. Take care of yourself. Please investigate your options (healthcare, sick time, financial security). Life is short even for the healthiest of people. Do the things you want to do. Be with the people you want to be with. Good luck with your decision. We are here for you!

Hugs

Jojo

tamaven01

icemantoo said:

Welcome

Tam,

 

You have a hell of a positive attitude for joining us with the extra baggage in tow. Have you had your surgery yet? Until you have recovered from your surgery and completed your treatments it is a little early to address back to work issues. No two recoveries are the same and your initial treatment is not the usual. When you are at least a month past your surgery and all of your treatments is probably the earliest you should make the back to work and or retire decisions. These are just my thoughts. Others will chime in and whatever decision is made has to be what is best for you.

 

 

Icemantoo

Thank you for responding..

Funny how even a nice little word of compliment that "I have a positive attitude" brightened my day thanks!

tamaven01

Jan4you said:

Glad you found us, Tam and I

Glad you found us, Tam and I am glad we found YOU!

Sorry for all you are going through at this time.

I have no other experience to offer you, but what I will do

is send you hope, strength, when your is draining

and care for better days!

A warm hello! HUGS~

Jan

Thank you so much for the

Thank you so much for the welcoming words

tamaven01

Jojo61 said:

Hi Tam. Welcome!
I can

Hi Tam. Welcome!

I can already tell that you are a "hit the ground running" kind of girl. You have been hit with a serious diagnosis - with a very positive attitude. I had a 13 cm tumor removed just over 2 years ago. Stage 3, grade 2. Although, at first, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop (turning to stage 4), I am much more comfortable since I passed the 2 year mark. That being said, it has changed my outlook on life. I have been working for the school board (secretary) since 1979. Times have changed a lot!! I am eligible to retire this year, and I am going for it. I work in a very fast-paced, needy school. It is very rewarding, and I do like it, but I rarely get a break and come home exhausted. When I returned to work after my surgery, I told them that I need to get at least a lunch break. In the following 5 months I got 3 lunch breaks. The supervisors tried their best, but they were running from one fire to the next. This week I got one 15 minute break, and worked 5 hours overtime (without pay). Things at work have not changed, as much as I would like them to. Here is what I am trying to say...work goes on, whether you are there or not. You are away one day, and they continue to plow on. Take care of yourself. Please investigate your options (healthcare, sick time, financial security). Life is short even for the healthiest of people. Do the things you want to do. Be with the people you want to be with. Good luck with your decision. We are here for you!

Hugs

Jojo

Thank you so much

All great points, and yes, "lunch breaks, what are those??" No such thing at my job either.  All of you have encouraged me to lay low for now.. Thank you.

Positive_Mental_Attitude

tamaven01 said:

you definitely get the picture

Thank you so much for sharing, and taking so much time to walk me through your thoughts.  I couldn't agree more, as I do recognize that I'm completely institutionalized at this point, however the guilt of not being there for the company continues to hang on me.  Thank you for the encouragement and taking the time to respond to my question.  Much appreciate - Tamera 

 

 

As grafer noted below, you

As grafer noted below, you have to decide what works best for you.  If you could not tell from my long winded post, I was burned out, and my diagnosis came at a great time in my life.  I am thankful and feel blessed that I was only stage 1, and I am hopeful my scans continue to be clean.  I still vacillate between wanting to retire sooner rather than later, and continuing to work for another 10 or so years.  It sounds like you have a great bunch of people at work, and they will work with you.  As others have said, sometimes work is good medicine, as it keeps you focussed on something else than the cancer.  And if you have a collegial work environment with good relationships with your colleagues, work can be a great escape from thinking about cancer. 

mrou50

Sorry

Sorry you had to join us but happy to meet you. I too had the same issues with work.  When I was diagnosed with stage IV I was wondering what about work, what is going to happen to my wife and I etc.  Just last week I resigned from my teaching job effective the end of the school year.  I have been getting more and more tired and missing work due to the cancer. I knew I could not go one more year and with all the work I was missing my students were the ones that were getting the worst of it due to my absences.   I will miss my job and my students but it was right thing to do for the school and for myself.  Keep up the positive attitude and keep an open mind for all the treatments and all of the information you are going to here.

 

Mark

foxhd

tamaven01 said:

Thank you so much

All great points, and yes, "lunch breaks, what are those??" No such thing at my job either.  All of you have encouraged me to lay low for now.. Thank you.

I think

the only question is, "Do you want to work for the money?"

That's because even the president of the United stated is replaceable.