New member/caregiver
My dad is 66. He went into the ER two days ago with stomach pain. We were thinking it was gallstones or a kidney stone, but it turned out to be stage IV colon cancer. My family hasn't had a chance to talk to the hospital-assigned oncologist yet, so we know very little. I can't stand not knowing anything despite some things being very obvious. I called the onc's office, but he was out for the day already. I left my phone number with his nurse. No phone call as of yet. I'm feeling a little pissed about that, but then again, I am feeling a bit pissed about everything at the moment.
He had emergency surgery to remove his appendix and part of his colon. He had sudden pain and appendicitis because a large mass broke through the colon. We also know that his liver is filled with cancer. The surgeon said its likely that it has spread elsewhere as well but, being the surgeon and not the cancer doc, really wouldn't talk to us beyond that. Never crazy about the bedside manner (ha - what bedside manner?) of surgeons, but he did a good job getting my dad through surgery and at least didn't beat around the bush.
Other pertinent info: my dad is a 12 year kidney transplant recipient. He also has a 26 year history of heart disease - triple bypass and many stents and congestive heart failure as well as some brand new afib that we didn't know about until this ER trip. He's obviously been on immunosuppressive drugs for 12 years. He's a type 2 diabetic thanks to prednisone.
My dad does recall from his one conversation with the cancer doc that in his opinion, aggressive chemo might get him 2 years. Lots of pain meds, though, so not many details. My father will not be pursuing treatment, and I completely respect that. I have no interest in him living longer simply to stay ill longer. I still want to know all options and information - especially if there are such things as treatments designed to help with quality of life. I don't even know what type of cancer this is - I know there are different forms and growth rates.
I know none of you are his doctor, but can anyone tell me some things?
From what I understand from Google, statistically, people without other health issues that have advanced colon cancer that do not seek treatment live for 1 year. Does that sound about right? I know no one here is a magic 8 ball with a specific date of death for me, but would 1 year for someone in my dad's situation be extreme wishful thinking? What about 6 months? 3 months?
I knew there would be an end-of-the-road for him. He's not been well for a long time. Just didn't expect it to go this way.
Another question I have - am I being unreasonable in wondering WHY no one caught this? I know it's natural to wonder and want to blame, but it seems crazy to me. My dad has a whole team of doctors thanks to his various ailments. He has long histories with these doctors and sees them all regularly. He did have polyps several years ago that were benign and removed. No screenings after that as far as I know.
The last two years, he's had a major loss of appetitite. Diarrhea and vomiting several times a week. Fatigue. Common colds that wipe him out as though he had mono. He's complained and asked each of them over and over and always got, "Well, it's just the meds and your various conditions." He's been confined to his recliner in the living room because of his lack of stamina for awhile now. I want to sit each of these doctors down and ask them why they didn't look into things further. Is that just me going through the anger stage of grieving or whatever? Is this something that really just happens like this? BOOM, ER for what you think might even just be indigestion and nope, it's stage 4.
I would also love to get a ballpark figure from his doctor because his meds have always had side effects that he hates. If his time is indeed very short, then I want to discuss them cutting this crap down. There are just so many.
I also want to know, without sugarcoating, what to expect. How does this end? I've seen cancer in other relatives but never colon cancer. Mostly lung cancer. Some suffered greatly. Some lost their minds to dementia. Others had pretty decent quality of life before taking a sudden, short turn for the worse. All had it for years and were receiving chemo and radiation.
If plans need to be made, I want to know what plans they are. Again, I realize none of you are doctors, but there's gotta be a wealth of experience here, and just to know experiences would be nice. I don't know where to begin.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Comments
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Oh, and back to the HOW DID
Oh, and back to the HOW DID NO ONE notice - the nephrologist in the hospital immediately noticed the mass when feeling his abdomen. My dad just thought it was his kidney - they do enlarge when they are transplanted, but his seemed to just keep getting bigger. I mean, his side stuck out tremendously. We always thought it was strange, but he believed and was always told by his nephrologist that transplanted kidneys do that.
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Hi and welcome
Welcome to the board where we wish there was never any need for new members, but remain grateful for this place.
If in fact your father's liver is "full of cancer" as reported by the surgeon, that will limit the options available for treatment. Most success comes from surgery but one cannot remove the entire liver. The other area of the body most often impacted at stage 4 are the lungs. Some patients also have metastisis to the bones and some to the peritoneum and very few to the brain.
It is likely that the onc will offer chemo to prolong life, but not offer a cure. It is difficult to know how your father might react to the chemo given the other meds he is on. Chemo can be very difficult for even those is relatively good health. The immunosuppressive drugs might be a serious complication to treatment. Also some chemo treatments can cause heart issues.
You also asked about how much time. Many doctors will not even offer a time frame, until it gets close to the end. In part because, one can never know.Also they don't want to dash hope that the patient may have. If one cannot be cured or put into remission, the time frame is always less than we would want for a loved one.
If I were the patient, I would be most concerned about liver failure if chemo could not be given or if it did not do something to reduce the cancer burden there.
Given your father's overall health, I would suggest that you ask for his doctors to have a consult to discuss options and risks. What might be done for another patient might not work well for him given his other conditions and medications.
At the very least make a list of all his meds and conditions and take them along with all your questions to a visit with the onc. Hopefully then you will get the answers you seek.Your father is not the first, and unfortunately will not be the last, whose doctors did not persue the symptoms until it was stage 4.
You asked about what plans need to be made. I was 62 when I was diagnosed. I updated my will. I made an advanced directive, stating what things I did and did not want done if I was unable to make decisions. I made a financial power of attorney. I made a medical power of attorney. I made sure my children knew about my financial affairs and where to find documents. I am divorced, so there was no spouse to default to.
If your father's doctors give him 6 months or less, Hospice care may be recommended. This might be in-home care where they visit and make sure he had meds he needs, durable medical equipment and help with things like personal care, but not 24 hr. care. If there is no one in his home who can provide the additional care he will need, then in patient Hospice care may be recommended. The patient goes to their facility and receieves 24 hr. care. Experiences with Hospice can vary, because while each is a regulated care facility, they are not all run by the same people. I was very fortunate to have access to excellent care for my sister who died from stage 4 uterine cancer.
I wish I could be more encouraging about your father's condition. I am not a doctor, so there is always hope that a real doctor will have a more positive outlook for his condition.
Please return and let us know what you find out. If chemo is offered, I feel certain that someone here can let you know the types of side effects might be seen.
Being prepared for the worst and hoping for the best is about all any of us can do until a cure is found.
Hugs to you and your father,
Marie who loves kitties
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A sad situation indeed
Welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to read your post. A loving daughter/son reaching out for help always pulls at my heart.
It does look as though the ball was dropped somewhere along the line. With all of the medical care that your dad has recieved over the years since his Kidney transplant, you would think that someone would have picked up on underlying problems with his bowel. The symptoms you describe are typical for CRC (Colorectal Cancer)' but allas, they put it down to his meds.
I can tell from your post that you already understand where your feelings and questions are coming from; a place of fear, disappoinment and grief. Its too late to second guess either yourselves or your dad's medical team and time to move forward with this new disease, and live with as much joy the time that is available to him.
To be totally honest, I don't know if any of your questions can be fully answered. Cancer takes its toll in so many different ways. Even the treatments effect people differently. As for the end game, as members of this forum we share the end with many friends. For some the journey is long and painful; we see their deterioration in their posts, some up until their very last days. For others, they are here one day and gone the next, it comes so quickly (may that be my passing).
If your father chooses not to follow any treatment plan, he may be interested in a more alternative route. Supplements or even TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). Your Father and family have allot to think about and it can be quite overwhelming. The first weeks after a Cancer or any terminal diagnosis are overwhelming, but then, you've been through that with his Kidney and heart disease; I'm preaching to the converted here.
I wish your Father all of the best in his final journey. I wish (pray) that you will all feel comfortable with the decisions he makes and the road it takes him. Try not to play the 'what if' game. Sadly, his Cancer got out of hand and even if someone dropped the ball, I feel its best to let that go and concentrate on being a happy family as long as he is with you, which could surprise you all and be a long time. He's certainly got some fight in him to have survived all his previous conditions.
This is a wonderful forum with lots of support. I hope you return and visit with us, let us know how your Dad is doing, how you are doing.
Sue - Trubrit
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Talked to the doc today. He
Talked to the doc today. He came bright and early and was very nice. No surgical treatment possible for the liver. The only treatment he feels would go well as far as complications/what my dad's body could handle is the one that is limited in scope depending on gene mutation. Forget the name. My dad might consider that. They'll test after he recovers from surgery should my dad wish. He knows a bit about it from his brother who died. He has adenocarcinoma. Regardless, he is ready to go and was telling us he was ready before we knew about this.
Dr said the usual about never knowing for sure, but gave him 6-8 months. I am of the uneducated opinion that it's going to be less than that but who knows. He did remind us about hospice as well.
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Thank you for the replies, byReadyOrNot2016 said:Talked to the doc today. He
Talked to the doc today. He came bright and early and was very nice. No surgical treatment possible for the liver. The only treatment he feels would go well as far as complications/what my dad's body could handle is the one that is limited in scope depending on gene mutation. Forget the name. My dad might consider that. They'll test after he recovers from surgery should my dad wish. He knows a bit about it from his brother who died. He has adenocarcinoma. Regardless, he is ready to go and was telling us he was ready before we knew about this.
Dr said the usual about never knowing for sure, but gave him 6-8 months. I am of the uneducated opinion that it's going to be less than that but who knows. He did remind us about hospice as well.
Thank you for the replies, by the way. I'm his daughter. I have 3 siblings. One cannot/will not deal with this and hasn't come to the hospital despite being 5 minutes away. The other two are definitely in this with me, but we all have different approaches. My mom cannot handle this. I will be moving out of my place and into my parents' within a month. My dad seems peaceful, but I am sure he will go through many emotions and difficulties and fear.
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Damn, your pop has beenReadyOrNot2016 said:Thank you for the replies, by
Thank you for the replies, by the way. I'm his daughter. I have 3 siblings. One cannot/will not deal with this and hasn't come to the hospital despite being 5 minutes away. The other two are definitely in this with me, but we all have different approaches. My mom cannot handle this. I will be moving out of my place and into my parents' within a month. My dad seems peaceful, but I am sure he will go through many emotions and difficulties and fear.
Damn, your pop has been through a lot of stuff, predictions from here on out are just guesses, but I had a friend who got CC a year before me, refused any treatment, and lived 5 years before having a heart attack, but that's just one story. Make your dad as comfortable as possible, ask what things he might like to do, or see. I took my dad on a trip to LA and Glendale to see where he lived after his time in Korea, and that seem to give him a lot of peace. My pop went through a lot at the end, I think we all must, but you being there, and what family you can coax to come as well, all helps the transition. Its a hard road, I hope you find peace and know you did your best for your dad, I hope he has some time, and you can find peace with the process.....................................Dave
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I'm so sorry about your dad.
I'm so sorry about your dad. Unfortunately, everyone's journey is different. A treatment that works great for one person may be only marginally effective for another. Your dad's additional medical issues aren't going to help him at all. It does sound like someone dropped the ball with him but with so many things going on with him it's probably not surprising. How old is your dad?
Nobody can say how long he'll have or what it'll be like for him in the later stages. As a few people on here say, unless a doctor is going to show up at his door with a gun, they can't say how long he has. And I think of my mom who was dying of pancreatic cancer at the same time as her brother-in-law and she was in terrible pain and was being fed through a tube while he was going out for dinner with his adult children. He passed five days after my mom did and three days after his last dinner out.
Miracles happen every day and maybe he'll be lucky or his situation will be too much for him with the other issues he has to deal with. I hope he gets some time that is comfortable and it goes well for him. Maybe he'll get several years, anything is possible. The immumosuppressing drugs would be my biggest concern. No choice in that but it definitely helps to have a good immune system when it comes to cancer.
Best of luck.
Jan
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Sorry you have to be on the
Sorry you have to be on the forum... I'm also a fellow caretaker/child of a Stage IV colon cancer patient. He was diagnosed 2.5 years ago, still doing decent considering. He also has medullary thyroid cancer which is the focus right now - that can "kill him faster" as they say. My dad was 65 when initially diagnosed.
All I can say is, you never know what's going to happen. It's really a day by day thing - some days they do great, others you aren't sure what the hell is going on. If he is positive, then it'll definitely help, and I know that its hard, but staying positive and giving "good vibes" can help a lot.
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Some info
I was in the same situation as your father, went to the doctor in 2009 for complaints of cramping and blood in my stool, told me it was hemroids, went again in April 2011 to a different doctor same complaints, said it was IBS. November 2011 I was taken to the ER as I could not drink, eat, move, was very weak. Next day they take an "orange" sized tumor out and 12" of my colon out of me. In two weeks I found out I was Stage IV colon cancer with multiple tumors in the liver. I was 41 at the time. Yes a bit younger than your father. I was asking the same questions, however I moved forward and did 12 rounds of chemo, surgery and a year later they told me enjoy life. To this day I have been cancer free, looking towards my 4th year cancer free. I am not saying your father will have the same luck, but for me I had no answers. I did not know what questions to ask, just listened to my oncologist, his staff, and the surgeons. I moved forward with little time off of work. Went back to work full time about 4 weeks after I was diagnoised. Continued on with my life as best I could. I had a liver resection, and they removed 70% of my liver after the first half of chemo made a reduction in the tumors. That was a huge battle back, but one I made. All I can say is that I have been through what I feel is the biggest fight of my life. Never knew what stage IV cancer was, or how serious it was. After I had my last sugery, one of the nurses told me I was lucky to be there, and after asking why she said stage IV is never priomising. Well, as I told her I was not one to follow the rules unless absolutely necessary. I did not follow the stage IV rules of cancer, however I did follow the rules of my oncologist and his staff. Yes it was a battle, but what did I have to lose? I lost about a year of activities but I have gained life again. Granted I may have taken a few years off my longevity, but hell... i did not want to live to 90 anyhow! Definately look at all options! Chemo was not fun, but you can work through it. I never got sick while on chemo. The worse I had was neropathy, senstivity to cold things. It sucked having to drink warm beer or fluids of any kind. But, I did and have been told all is good today! Just giving you a bit of insight and a spark of hope for you and your dad. There are worse things out there, but as I have told anyone who asked about my journey..... it was a cake walk! Just do not think about it, or if you do... do not overthink it!!!! Good luck!
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Hugssammer4u said:Some info
I was in the same situation as your father, went to the doctor in 2009 for complaints of cramping and blood in my stool, told me it was hemroids, went again in April 2011 to a different doctor same complaints, said it was IBS. November 2011 I was taken to the ER as I could not drink, eat, move, was very weak. Next day they take an "orange" sized tumor out and 12" of my colon out of me. In two weeks I found out I was Stage IV colon cancer with multiple tumors in the liver. I was 41 at the time. Yes a bit younger than your father. I was asking the same questions, however I moved forward and did 12 rounds of chemo, surgery and a year later they told me enjoy life. To this day I have been cancer free, looking towards my 4th year cancer free. I am not saying your father will have the same luck, but for me I had no answers. I did not know what questions to ask, just listened to my oncologist, his staff, and the surgeons. I moved forward with little time off of work. Went back to work full time about 4 weeks after I was diagnoised. Continued on with my life as best I could. I had a liver resection, and they removed 70% of my liver after the first half of chemo made a reduction in the tumors. That was a huge battle back, but one I made. All I can say is that I have been through what I feel is the biggest fight of my life. Never knew what stage IV cancer was, or how serious it was. After I had my last sugery, one of the nurses told me I was lucky to be there, and after asking why she said stage IV is never priomising. Well, as I told her I was not one to follow the rules unless absolutely necessary. I did not follow the stage IV rules of cancer, however I did follow the rules of my oncologist and his staff. Yes it was a battle, but what did I have to lose? I lost about a year of activities but I have gained life again. Granted I may have taken a few years off my longevity, but hell... i did not want to live to 90 anyhow! Definately look at all options! Chemo was not fun, but you can work through it. I never got sick while on chemo. The worse I had was neropathy, senstivity to cold things. It sucked having to drink warm beer or fluids of any kind. But, I did and have been told all is good today! Just giving you a bit of insight and a spark of hope for you and your dad. There are worse things out there, but as I have told anyone who asked about my journey..... it was a cake walk! Just do not think about it, or if you do... do not overthink it!!!! Good luck!
Your post, sammer4u, makes me very happy.
Sue - Trubrit
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Your dad sounds like a fighter..that is good
Hi readyornot,
Sorry to hear about your dad, but he sounds like he is a fighter though. You have come to the right place, and I am sorta new here, but these folks are very knowledgable and supportive. You have some excellent responses, and so I just have a couple things to add. I am rectal cancer, and my dad was colon cancer stage four, like yours, and my dad had had kidney cancer about 30 years prior. My dad lived 4 years after diagnosis, and he had cardio issues and diabetic also. They removed his softball sized tumor, and he had a short course of chemo. But, he too, was a fighter. Some folks just go through "living with cancer" and can do that for a while.
First, I would suggest you take advantage of the cancer center, if there is one, at the hospital. Most major hospitals have that, and they can advise you of various support services. It is curious that immunosuppressive drugs are used as chemo sometimes. I had read that, and hope the doctors are putting all the pieces of your dad's health together, and then deciding on potential treatment. If you are in a cancer center, there should be a lot of information available, and support services.
your dad probably has a "team," of doctors: mine include oncologist, radiologist, and surgeon. Ask about various treatments. Radiation can be pretty successful in "shrinking" tumors, but again, that would depend on all the other pieces of his health. I would ask about radiation, as there should be an answer as to why not.
Also, adenocarcinoma is the typical cancer tumor. There are generally grades, depending on how different the cells are from normal cells, on how aggressive the tumor is, mine is in the middle as "moderately differentiated. The liver metastasis may be their biggest concern. But, again, I would just get your questions ready and ask. Hopefully there are resources in the hospital where you can have things such as :
family support groups, patient education and support groups; pallative care (they deal with more than just pain, and focus on patient care, physical, emotional, and mental. I have this myself.
And, you sound like a very caring daughter! I have a daughter myself, and so since my father and me both had colorectal cancer, I was given genetic testing. And, not to worry you, as some of these cancers grow slowly. I was told that it can take 10 years for a polyp to become a cancer. I am living proof that that is not always true: I had a colonoscopy three years before the one that found my tumor. So, and this would probably make your dad feel better, but I would see if they offer genetic testing. Mine was negative for any of the 16? genes, but irregardless, colonoscopies save lives, so it would be good to think about having any first degree relatives to get tested. I am what they call a "polyp builder" and had to have them every three years. I only had two, and the second one probably saved my life. That said, I will be pressing my daughter to have one as she is coming up on that time.
i wish you the best, and pray for you and your family. I hope you find some good supportive care for yourself along the way also. The cancer center at my hospital is excellent, and they have helped me greatly with the emotional and physical aspects of this disease. Some days I am filled with hope and positive, others I am shattered. So, I hope you have some support in your journey. You deserve to be comforted and cared for as the caretaker also. sharron
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Great to know about your storysammer4u said:Some info
I was in the same situation as your father, went to the doctor in 2009 for complaints of cramping and blood in my stool, told me it was hemroids, went again in April 2011 to a different doctor same complaints, said it was IBS. November 2011 I was taken to the ER as I could not drink, eat, move, was very weak. Next day they take an "orange" sized tumor out and 12" of my colon out of me. In two weeks I found out I was Stage IV colon cancer with multiple tumors in the liver. I was 41 at the time. Yes a bit younger than your father. I was asking the same questions, however I moved forward and did 12 rounds of chemo, surgery and a year later they told me enjoy life. To this day I have been cancer free, looking towards my 4th year cancer free. I am not saying your father will have the same luck, but for me I had no answers. I did not know what questions to ask, just listened to my oncologist, his staff, and the surgeons. I moved forward with little time off of work. Went back to work full time about 4 weeks after I was diagnoised. Continued on with my life as best I could. I had a liver resection, and they removed 70% of my liver after the first half of chemo made a reduction in the tumors. That was a huge battle back, but one I made. All I can say is that I have been through what I feel is the biggest fight of my life. Never knew what stage IV cancer was, or how serious it was. After I had my last sugery, one of the nurses told me I was lucky to be there, and after asking why she said stage IV is never priomising. Well, as I told her I was not one to follow the rules unless absolutely necessary. I did not follow the stage IV rules of cancer, however I did follow the rules of my oncologist and his staff. Yes it was a battle, but what did I have to lose? I lost about a year of activities but I have gained life again. Granted I may have taken a few years off my longevity, but hell... i did not want to live to 90 anyhow! Definately look at all options! Chemo was not fun, but you can work through it. I never got sick while on chemo. The worse I had was neropathy, senstivity to cold things. It sucked having to drink warm beer or fluids of any kind. But, I did and have been told all is good today! Just giving you a bit of insight and a spark of hope for you and your dad. There are worse things out there, but as I have told anyone who asked about my journey..... it was a cake walk! Just do not think about it, or if you do... do not overthink it!!!! Good luck!
It give us such great inspiration on how we must fight
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My thoughtsMS2014 said:Great to know about your story
It give us such great inspiration on how we must fight
were always... WHO CARES... I have to move forward! I never let anything get me down, move me backwards. If it did, no big deal. That is what I try to tell anyone who asks about what I went through and how I got through it. Just trying to pass on my success, and pumping people up with do NOT let it get to you! Nothing you can do about it but FIGHT it! Move forward!!!
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I just wanted to come backSharronoffaith said:Your dad sounds like a fighter..that is good
Hi readyornot,
Sorry to hear about your dad, but he sounds like he is a fighter though. You have come to the right place, and I am sorta new here, but these folks are very knowledgable and supportive. You have some excellent responses, and so I just have a couple things to add. I am rectal cancer, and my dad was colon cancer stage four, like yours, and my dad had had kidney cancer about 30 years prior. My dad lived 4 years after diagnosis, and he had cardio issues and diabetic also. They removed his softball sized tumor, and he had a short course of chemo. But, he too, was a fighter. Some folks just go through "living with cancer" and can do that for a while.
First, I would suggest you take advantage of the cancer center, if there is one, at the hospital. Most major hospitals have that, and they can advise you of various support services. It is curious that immunosuppressive drugs are used as chemo sometimes. I had read that, and hope the doctors are putting all the pieces of your dad's health together, and then deciding on potential treatment. If you are in a cancer center, there should be a lot of information available, and support services.
your dad probably has a "team," of doctors: mine include oncologist, radiologist, and surgeon. Ask about various treatments. Radiation can be pretty successful in "shrinking" tumors, but again, that would depend on all the other pieces of his health. I would ask about radiation, as there should be an answer as to why not.
Also, adenocarcinoma is the typical cancer tumor. There are generally grades, depending on how different the cells are from normal cells, on how aggressive the tumor is, mine is in the middle as "moderately differentiated. The liver metastasis may be their biggest concern. But, again, I would just get your questions ready and ask. Hopefully there are resources in the hospital where you can have things such as :
family support groups, patient education and support groups; pallative care (they deal with more than just pain, and focus on patient care, physical, emotional, and mental. I have this myself.
And, you sound like a very caring daughter! I have a daughter myself, and so since my father and me both had colorectal cancer, I was given genetic testing. And, not to worry you, as some of these cancers grow slowly. I was told that it can take 10 years for a polyp to become a cancer. I am living proof that that is not always true: I had a colonoscopy three years before the one that found my tumor. So, and this would probably make your dad feel better, but I would see if they offer genetic testing. Mine was negative for any of the 16? genes, but irregardless, colonoscopies save lives, so it would be good to think about having any first degree relatives to get tested. I am what they call a "polyp builder" and had to have them every three years. I only had two, and the second one probably saved my life. That said, I will be pressing my daughter to have one as she is coming up on that time.
i wish you the best, and pray for you and your family. I hope you find some good supportive care for yourself along the way also. The cancer center at my hospital is excellent, and they have helped me greatly with the emotional and physical aspects of this disease. Some days I am filled with hope and positive, others I am shattered. So, I hope you have some support in your journey. You deserve to be comforted and cared for as the caretaker also. sharron
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
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Oh no, I'm so very sorry. MyReadyOrNot2016 said:I just wanted to come back
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
Oh no, I'm so very sorry. My heart breaks for you and you mom. I will pray for you both tonight that you will be able to find peace and comfort. My condolences.
Jan
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My heartfelt sympathy.ReadyOrNot2016 said:I just wanted to come back
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
I am so very sorry that your dad's last days were so painful for you, your mum and family.
It is a truly emotional and traumatic for you all. Be kind to yourself, allowing plenty of time to grieve and heal.
Thank you for taking the time during your sorrow, to come back to the forum and share the sad news.
I wish you blessings as the days, months and years pass, that you will remember the wonderful man your father was, and the good times, and that those traumatic last days will slip to the back of your memory.
Be sure to remember your own health, and get yourself a colonoscopy when the time is right.
Sue - Trubrit
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Sorry for your loss!ReadyOrNot2016 said:I just wanted to come back
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
There's not much to offer, except sympathy from afar...
Stay well,
John
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I'm sorry the end was soReadyOrNot2016 said:I just wanted to come back
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
I'm sorry the end was so rough for your dad, you, and the family. My pop went Jan. 5th and it picked up speed the same way. He stopped treatment for his prostate cancer in Oct., the VA docs told him 2-3 years, he got weak and stopped eating much around Christmas, and seemed to suffer a stroke 3 days later. It was actually the prostate mets massing in his brain, then hospice for less then two weeks as he slipped away. They had him on liquid pain meds, so it was easy to take them, it's lousy that your dad couldn't be made more comfortable, but the speed, in some ways, was merciful. Hospice is usually a big help, but calling them in is acknowledging a hard fact of life. Your dad's at peace, I hope you and your mom can find some as well............................................Dave
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I'm so sorry...ReadyOrNot2016 said:I just wanted to come back
I just wanted to come back and update. My dad got out of the hospital 2/22. He was healing well and getting back to himself. On 2/28, severe pain sent him back to the ER. They found no issues other than the cancer and sent him home with pain management and the doc their as well as my dad's primary urged my parents to get set up with hospice. They weren't ready.
I had been staying with them throughout this. From that day to 3/1, he grew rapidly weaker. The pain was not controlled by dilaudid. He began refusing food. I ran around picking up a walker, a wheelchair, a lift chair, and a raised toilet seat because he needed them and asked for them. He begged us not to make him go to the doctor to have his surgical staples removed. We got him into the car and went anyway. It was a nightmare. I had been bringing up hospice since the pain management incident in the ER, but they just weren't ready.
My dad began refusing his pain meds. He slowly stopped talking. He just groaned and moaned and withdrew. That night after the staple removal, some relatives showed up and got my mom to call hospice. They wouldn't come until the following day, and even then, my mother only wanted info. We knew but we didn't know. It was happening too fast.
Finally, after my dad became a groaning, non-responsive mess, a hospice nurse showed up. She told us what we knew - he was dying. A crisis team came in the afternoon and transported him to the hospice house.
They informed us there that he had terminal restlessness and tried to soothe him and get him comfortable. I stayed with him the whole time, all the way to the end. He passed 6 hours after reaching the hospice house.
In a way, he was spared many things, but the truth is that his last few days were agonizing. So short but so awful. We had no time. He was dying for days, and I watched the whole thing helplessly. My best guess is that his liver gave out. I just don't understand the speed.
I'm glad he didn't have to go through years of pain. I know it must be hard for you, but you did all you could.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Lin
0
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