End of life
When I was on here a few months ago looking for help with radiation and chemo, I remember a few of you were family members of those who have passed. While this is a scary topic for some, I need help. My mom is terminal. She was told she had a year to live just 3 weeks ago and now she is told she has less than 3 weeks (with people stating days not weeks now). She has chosen to pass with me and the rest of her family (my dad and my dementia grandmother) around her. I'm the primary caregiver as well as to my grandmother. For those who have had watched a loved one die or someone die from squamous cell head and neck cancer, is it always so shocking fast? I have no idea what I'm doing and I thought for sure things would go slow but they aren't. Last Tuesday she was drinking ensuring while coughing. That day we took her to St. Francis and she was told she had 3 weeks to live. She returned home only to have her leg break due to tumors eating it alive. they were able to do anything to it just splint it due to tumors being all over the femur bone and all over her spine as well. So once again she returned home to us with hospice care being added in. In the hospital she stopped eating and drinking due to choking anytime she ate or drank. Now here we are on Sunday of the same week, I'm sitting in her room listening ot labored painful breaths, she's now on morphene and its nto working so I'm sitting here per nurses's orders until morning hitting the button every 15 minutes to keep her from withering in pain to give her the max amount to make her comfortable until the drip can be upped (first night on it and it has to be upped already!) Has anyone else had it go so fast? Does anyone know is this si really the end of life?
Comments
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I am truly sorry to hear this.
Yes I watched my mother go from kidneys shutting down and she stopped the dialysis. We knew it was only going to be 12 -14 days and she would be gone. She went into a coma about day 10 and was gone by 14. Call hospice as they will help with the end of life, and you can just spend your time with her. She will most likely be heavy medicated to keep comfortable.
As for now, you need to take a deep breathe and slowley let it out and get your head wrapped around this. You will need to accept this and know it is for the best and she will not be suffering. This is going to be very hard on you and the grief you will go through can be very hard to deal with, I do know this first hand with my Father who died with lung cancer, and my Mother stopping treatment. You need to think of this, as you are geting to love her and say your goodbys. So mant never get that with sudden deaths. Yes I have just gone through two between Thanksgiven and Christmas. I lost my nephew to a violent car crash,and 4 year old grandchild I never got to even see Dec 15th.
If you believe in God, then I recomend to just to be able to deal with this, and your prayer will be answered. I lost my Father 32 years ago, and still think of him most every week, and my Mother 22 years ago.
If you have any questions you have ever wanted to ask her, do it now. You will regret it later if you don't, trust me. Make peace and know it is better that she will no longer be in pain. My Mother went into a coma on day 10 so she never had pain. It can get pretty rough in the end. You and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts. I wish you peace.
Remember if you need to talk or just vent and let it out, I will be here.
Bill
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Passing
I watched both my mother and husband pass while on in-home hospice, it is what they both wanted. Hospice was great and I found out that if the patient is on Medicare they can have nursing 24/7 which we didn't make use of. My mother passed with heart failure and the last few days she was in a coma, thankfully no pain and I was giving her morphine every 4-6 hours by putting the liquid under her tongue.
Now my husband passed from cancer in July 2015 that started at his larynx and spread to the cervical of his esophagus and then his lungs and we think it went to his bones due to the pain he had in his spine but that was never diagnosed. He lived longer than anyone thought he would but when he went it was fairly fast especially the last week. But he was lucky as far as pain goes. He was on liquid morphine every 2-4 hours as needed. He had been living with a PEG tube for the last 4 years of his life so I was able to put it in his peg tube. The last two days he barely responded to me, our sons or the hospice nurse. I am very thankful that our hospice nurses were extremely great and that his pain was kept under control. He basically went into a coma the last few days but for me the worse was that his eyes were open and fixed the whole time. I couldn't close them and neither could the nurse. But it was quick and peaceful at the end.
Just remember everyone is different in how the respond to medication and no one can predict how long we have. There is stronger pain medication than morphine plus morphine is what they give people with heart problems to help the heart, that's what I was told. But, of course, with pain medication, the stronger it is, then you have to be in-patient hospice. Check with your mother's insurance to see if they provide 24/7 nursing care now at home instead of in-patient hospice, and if she is on Medicare check that too. I was told my husband could have 24/7 nurses at home but we didn't want all the strangers in our home and he was on Medicare. Since my husband had a PEG tube I was able to feed him and give him water thru it but at the end he couldn't tolerate much going into his feeding tube.
Wishing you and yours peace and comfort -- Sharon
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Prayers for you
My mom died Dec 19th. Not from cancer but she had in home hospice too. Morphine drops etc. I am a RN and I was not prepared for that. Nothing can. I know I didnt want her in pain. If we even thought she was in pain we gave the medicine. Hospice was awesome. We didnt qualify or something for 24/7 skilled nursing. We could have an aid for a couple of hours a day but I already had sitters because I was in treatment myself...last two weeks of treatment. I'm sorry. It was so hard. Its still hard. I can still hear her breathing. Prayers for you. You cant know how long either...she lived about three days in a coma, about 6 days with no food or water.
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She drank less than an ouncekdot2003 said:Prayers for you
My mom died Dec 19th. Not from cancer but she had in home hospice too. Morphine drops etc. I am a RN and I was not prepared for that. Nothing can. I know I didnt want her in pain. If we even thought she was in pain we gave the medicine. Hospice was awesome. We didnt qualify or something for 24/7 skilled nursing. We could have an aid for a couple of hours a day but I already had sitters because I was in treatment myself...last two weeks of treatment. I'm sorry. It was so hard. Its still hard. I can still hear her breathing. Prayers for you. You cant know how long either...she lived about three days in a coma, about 6 days with no food or water.
She drank less than an ounce on Friday afternoon. Basically coughed it up. Hasn't had any drink before that for two days or since then. She was living on boost until Tuesday before her leg broke from tumors so she hasn't eaten since then. I'm keeping her mouth moist when she wakes up but that's not really drinking. Not sure how long it will last. She's not really waking up anymore but for seconds and when she is, she isn't coherent. Her movements are wild, not really planned but more so to move around. So I try to reposition her and see if it helps. sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't and I have to try again. I just want her pain free. She was praying for a fast death when we heard on Tuesday that she only had about a week up to 3 to live. She didn't want to suffer and now I find myself heartbroken as I'm praying for the same thing. Thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done, watching my mom die and know there is nothing I can do about it.
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Hospicelittlemisskitty said:She drank less than an ounce
She drank less than an ounce on Friday afternoon. Basically coughed it up. Hasn't had any drink before that for two days or since then. She was living on boost until Tuesday before her leg broke from tumors so she hasn't eaten since then. I'm keeping her mouth moist when she wakes up but that's not really drinking. Not sure how long it will last. She's not really waking up anymore but for seconds and when she is, she isn't coherent. Her movements are wild, not really planned but more so to move around. So I try to reposition her and see if it helps. sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't and I have to try again. I just want her pain free. She was praying for a fast death when we heard on Tuesday that she only had about a week up to 3 to live. She didn't want to suffer and now I find myself heartbroken as I'm praying for the same thing. Thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done, watching my mom die and know there is nothing I can do about it.
Maybe I missed it: have you called hospice?
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End of Lifelittlemisskitty said:She drank less than an ounce
She drank less than an ounce on Friday afternoon. Basically coughed it up. Hasn't had any drink before that for two days or since then. She was living on boost until Tuesday before her leg broke from tumors so she hasn't eaten since then. I'm keeping her mouth moist when she wakes up but that's not really drinking. Not sure how long it will last. She's not really waking up anymore but for seconds and when she is, she isn't coherent. Her movements are wild, not really planned but more so to move around. So I try to reposition her and see if it helps. sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't and I have to try again. I just want her pain free. She was praying for a fast death when we heard on Tuesday that she only had about a week up to 3 to live. She didn't want to suffer and now I find myself heartbroken as I'm praying for the same thing. Thanks for all the warm thoughts and prayers. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done, watching my mom die and know there is nothing I can do about it.
You are doing exactly what a loving daughter should do because you are there and you are making her comfortable. Ask the hospice nurses if there is anything else you could do. In the future, you will treasure this time, knowing you were there for your mom. You will be in my prayers during these difficult days.
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PeaceHondo said:Mother
I am so sorry to hear the about all pain and suffering your Mother is going through. I lost my Mother 30 years ago to colon cancer, she too suffered and was always in pain. For now, I will keep you in my prayers.
Tim
Hospice can be a great comfort, express your fear and feelings and ask for support. Try to keep her comfortable and look at this time as a gift to say the things you want and comfort her.
God Bless
Candi
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As of 11:02 this morning
As of 11:02 this morning (although hospice didn't bother to come until 1 so their time is 1:12) Carol, my mom, passed away peacefully in her home with me watching over her. She was in no pain and I do not believe she was there anymore after last night when dad came into the room for the first time becuase I was busy caring for my grandma. He walked in and she opened her eyes a little, mumbled somehting that I swear sounded like his name and she reached for him. He took her hands and he talked to her. When I returned he said she was sleeping peacefully. I'm pretty sure she had left at that point having said her goodbyes to everyone as we had ours earlier that morning.
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T&Plittlemisskitty said:As of 11:02 this morning
As of 11:02 this morning (although hospice didn't bother to come until 1 so their time is 1:12) Carol, my mom, passed away peacefully in her home with me watching over her. She was in no pain and I do not believe she was there anymore after last night when dad came into the room for the first time becuase I was busy caring for my grandma. He walked in and she opened her eyes a little, mumbled somehting that I swear sounded like his name and she reached for him. He took her hands and he talked to her. When I returned he said she was sleeping peacefully. I'm pretty sure she had left at that point having said her goodbyes to everyone as we had ours earlier that morning.
littlemisskitty,
My deepest condolences.
Matt
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I am so sorry for the loss oflittlemisskitty said:As of 11:02 this morning
As of 11:02 this morning (although hospice didn't bother to come until 1 so their time is 1:12) Carol, my mom, passed away peacefully in her home with me watching over her. She was in no pain and I do not believe she was there anymore after last night when dad came into the room for the first time becuase I was busy caring for my grandma. He walked in and she opened her eyes a little, mumbled somehting that I swear sounded like his name and she reached for him. He took her hands and he talked to her. When I returned he said she was sleeping peacefully. I'm pretty sure she had left at that point having said her goodbyes to everyone as we had ours earlier that morning.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, Carol. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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My deepest condolences.littlemisskitty said:As of 11:02 this morning
As of 11:02 this morning (although hospice didn't bother to come until 1 so their time is 1:12) Carol, my mom, passed away peacefully in her home with me watching over her. She was in no pain and I do not believe she was there anymore after last night when dad came into the room for the first time becuase I was busy caring for my grandma. He walked in and she opened her eyes a little, mumbled somehting that I swear sounded like his name and she reached for him. He took her hands and he talked to her. When I returned he said she was sleeping peacefully. I'm pretty sure she had left at that point having said her goodbyes to everyone as we had ours earlier that morning.
My condolences, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. She is at peace, and I hope you and your family will soon be at peace as well.
Bill
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Carol, my thoughts and prayerslittlemisskitty said:As of 11:02 this morning
As of 11:02 this morning (although hospice didn't bother to come until 1 so their time is 1:12) Carol, my mom, passed away peacefully in her home with me watching over her. She was in no pain and I do not believe she was there anymore after last night when dad came into the room for the first time becuase I was busy caring for my grandma. He walked in and she opened her eyes a little, mumbled somehting that I swear sounded like his name and she reached for him. He took her hands and he talked to her. When I returned he said she was sleeping peacefully. I'm pretty sure she had left at that point having said her goodbyes to everyone as we had ours earlier that morning.
are with you and your family. Hopefully it is of some comfort to know that she is no longer bound to the pain she was experiencing here on Earth, and may your sorrow be eased.
Barbara
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