I just need to vent and get it out: UPDATE

wmc
wmc Member Posts: 1,804
edited December 2015 in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I do not expect any replys, but I hope by just getting this out it will help me in some way deal with my grief.

I do not talk with my sister for the last 18 years after my Mother passed because how she was and had become and lied to my Aunts. I do wish her all the best, but that does not include being in my life, I have tried many times and it is just not going to happen. My Brother and I are close, and he is somewhat with her which is good as he needs that. Her oldest son does not even speak to her for several years, and does not even speak to his Father or Brother. It is complated, but I do understand his reasons.

My problem is we are not close, and I got "The Phone Call"my nephew [38] passed away the day after Thanksgiving at 2:40am. It was a single car accident and the report said he lost control and hit a guardrail and flipped and hit a tree at high speed and the car bursted into flames. The car burst into flames and he was pronounced dead at the scene. It took 27 min. to put out the flames. Now it gets worse, they still can't make a positive ID  10 days later and can't claim the body. My heart goes out to his parents [my sister] but there is nothing I can do to help. She didn't even know where he was living. I have given all the information I was able to research to my brother for them and just hope it may help. I just pray he passed fast and did not suffer. 

I have written this several times and errased it everytime, but this one. I just can't get it out of my head. Sorry and don't want to sadden anyone, I just needed to get it out, so I can go on and deal with this. Thanks:

Time does not heal all wounds, it just makes them less deep............

***************************************************************************

Bill

Comments

  • lornal
    lornal Member Posts: 428
    loss

    Sorry for the loss of your nephew.  We all have crazy family issues - and they are so hard to deal with at times, and to understand.

    lorna

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    Families

    First I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew.  Families have lots of problems, it is not unusal.  I have not heard from my brother since my mother passed 12 years ago.  He didn't even bother to call me when he heard my husband passed and at one time we were close and use to do things together with our families.  So you see not all families are close.  No time doesn't heal all wounds, just makes it easier.

    Wishing you peace and comfort -- Sharon

  • Barbaraek
    Barbaraek Member Posts: 626
    Bill

    Prayers for you. My husband and his brother are not big communicators with one another, I don't know why. Lack of effort on my brother in laws part I think. He never bothered to call once after we told him about the cancer or the good news of NED. It boggles my mind because I am close to all my siblings. 

    I know, being the kind soul that you are, that you will say a prayer for your nephew and be able to move on. Hopefully you are right and it was so fast he didn't suffer.

    Peace to you, Bill

    Barb

  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    sometimes you just got to tell someone

    So sorry for your loss and your suffering Bill. Hopefully you can heal a bit with every passing day.

  • Amelia69
    Amelia69 Member Posts: 5
    Venting is healthy

    So sorry to hear that Bill. Families are so complicated and difficult and it sounds like you have chosen to protect yourself to some degree by knowing that having your sister in your life is not good for you. But events like the one with your nephew are shocking and that can open many old wounds. Thinking of you.

  • NJMOM
    NJMOM Member Posts: 64
    Family

    Family issues abound in each and every family but in spite of that you have experienced a loss and for that I am truly sorry. Here's to hoping your heart is less heavy as the days pass. Condolences and prayers to you!

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    So sorry, Bill

    Doesn't help this happened during the holidays.

    Lead with your heart, Bill.  You are a good, caring man.

     

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    Thank you all

    Sometimes just being able to just get it out and say it, helps. I do thank you all for all your kind words and understanding. Time will make it better.

    Bill

  • MrsBD
    MrsBD Member Posts: 615 Member
    Loss

    Bill, I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. It doesn't matter if it is from cancer or not as we have become like family here. You are in my prayers. 

    Beth

  • Kenny-
    Kenny- Member Posts: 98
    stay strong bill

    sorry to hear what you've went through. losing a family member is tragic, especially one younger than us that we expect to have better days ahead. 

  • Laralyn
    Laralyn Member Posts: 532
    So sorry, Bill!

    Family issues are always so stressful, especially at times like now. Your thoughts are with them, and that matters. I don't have much else to contribute but a virtual hug--we're here for you!

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    Update... just keeps getting worse.

    Update:

    They were finily able to get dental records and claim his body.[ Took three weeks] The report said he died on impact, which I did pray for. The cause was he had a tire blowout and lost control. 

    Then, I was told my Daughter's 4 year old son who has been sick from birth with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Passed away from a pulmonary embolism this last week Dec 15th.

    Last Saturday I had a coughing spell trying to clear mucus from my stoma, and coughed so hard I cracked a rib. Went to the Doctor on Monday to get X-rayed as I thought I had coughed a hole in my left lung. I have had my right collaps twice with a hole in it many years ago. They can't do much for a fractured rib, and pain pills won't do anything and muscle relaxers won't either. They did give me lidocaine patch which does help some, until you cough then the pain jumps to 10 very fast. It is now where I can do most things, which Sunday I could do nothing but hold a heating pad to the ribs. Eta; is about six weeks to heal as it moves everytime I cough.

    This last 30 days has been rough and I just hope it is all over now. Enough is enough.

    Again thank you all, but this time I will ask you keep me in your prayers, it's been rough.

    Bill

  • sharon 1
    sharon 1 Member Posts: 50
    wmc said:

    Update... just keeps getting worse.

    Update:

    They were finily able to get dental records and claim his body.[ Took three weeks] The report said he died on impact, which I did pray for. The cause was he had a tire blowout and lost control. 

    Then, I was told my Daughter's 4 year old son who has been sick from birth with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Passed away from a pulmonary embolism this last week Dec 15th.

    Last Saturday I had a coughing spell trying to clear mucus from my stoma, and coughed so hard I cracked a rib. Went to the Doctor on Monday to get X-rayed as I thought I had coughed a hole in my left lung. I have had my right collaps twice with a hole in it many years ago. They can't do much for a fractured rib, and pain pills won't do anything and muscle relaxers won't either. They did give me lidocaine patch which does help some, until you cough then the pain jumps to 10 very fast. It is now where I can do most things, which Sunday I could do nothing but hold a heating pad to the ribs. Eta; is about six weeks to heal as it moves everytime I cough.

    This last 30 days has been rough and I just hope it is all over now. Enough is enough.

    Again thank you all, but this time I will ask you keep me in your prayers, it's been rough.

    Bill

    Sorry

    Bill I am so sorry for you. Please know you are in my prayers,

  • Barbaraek
    Barbaraek Member Posts: 626
    wmc said:

    Update... just keeps getting worse.

    Update:

    They were finily able to get dental records and claim his body.[ Took three weeks] The report said he died on impact, which I did pray for. The cause was he had a tire blowout and lost control. 

    Then, I was told my Daughter's 4 year old son who has been sick from birth with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Passed away from a pulmonary embolism this last week Dec 15th.

    Last Saturday I had a coughing spell trying to clear mucus from my stoma, and coughed so hard I cracked a rib. Went to the Doctor on Monday to get X-rayed as I thought I had coughed a hole in my left lung. I have had my right collaps twice with a hole in it many years ago. They can't do much for a fractured rib, and pain pills won't do anything and muscle relaxers won't either. They did give me lidocaine patch which does help some, until you cough then the pain jumps to 10 very fast. It is now where I can do most things, which Sunday I could do nothing but hold a heating pad to the ribs. Eta; is about six weeks to heal as it moves everytime I cough.

    This last 30 days has been rough and I just hope it is all over now. Enough is enough.

    Again thank you all, but this time I will ask you keep me in your prayers, it's been rough.

    Bill

    Oh Bill, for sure

    you are in my prayers. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter's son...  And I hope the pain from your fractured rib abates quickly. It seems like when it rains, it pours! Hopefully 2016 will be off to a better start for you than the way 2015 ended.

    Barbara

  • rcaulder
    rcaulder Member Posts: 70
    wmc said:

    Update... just keeps getting worse.

    Update:

    They were finily able to get dental records and claim his body.[ Took three weeks] The report said he died on impact, which I did pray for. The cause was he had a tire blowout and lost control. 

    Then, I was told my Daughter's 4 year old son who has been sick from birth with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Passed away from a pulmonary embolism this last week Dec 15th.

    Last Saturday I had a coughing spell trying to clear mucus from my stoma, and coughed so hard I cracked a rib. Went to the Doctor on Monday to get X-rayed as I thought I had coughed a hole in my left lung. I have had my right collaps twice with a hole in it many years ago. They can't do much for a fractured rib, and pain pills won't do anything and muscle relaxers won't either. They did give me lidocaine patch which does help some, until you cough then the pain jumps to 10 very fast. It is now where I can do most things, which Sunday I could do nothing but hold a heating pad to the ribs. Eta; is about six weeks to heal as it moves everytime I cough.

    This last 30 days has been rough and I just hope it is all over now. Enough is enough.

    Again thank you all, but this time I will ask you keep me in your prayers, it's been rough.

    Bill

    Sorry

    Hang tough Bill.  Sorry for your loses. You're a positive influence on this board.

  • MrsBD
    MrsBD Member Posts: 615 Member
    Bill, I am so sorry.  Let

    Bill, I am so sorry.  Let your faith carry you through these difficult days and be assured many are praying for you,  including me.

    Beth

  • donfoo
    donfoo Member Posts: 1,771 Member
    wmc said:

    Update... just keeps getting worse.

    Update:

    They were finily able to get dental records and claim his body.[ Took three weeks] The report said he died on impact, which I did pray for. The cause was he had a tire blowout and lost control. 

    Then, I was told my Daughter's 4 year old son who has been sick from birth with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Passed away from a pulmonary embolism this last week Dec 15th.

    Last Saturday I had a coughing spell trying to clear mucus from my stoma, and coughed so hard I cracked a rib. Went to the Doctor on Monday to get X-rayed as I thought I had coughed a hole in my left lung. I have had my right collaps twice with a hole in it many years ago. They can't do much for a fractured rib, and pain pills won't do anything and muscle relaxers won't either. They did give me lidocaine patch which does help some, until you cough then the pain jumps to 10 very fast. It is now where I can do most things, which Sunday I could do nothing but hold a heating pad to the ribs. Eta; is about six weeks to heal as it moves everytime I cough.

    This last 30 days has been rough and I just hope it is all over now. Enough is enough.

    Again thank you all, but this time I will ask you keep me in your prayers, it's been rough.

    Bill

    so sorry

    Hey Bill,

    It's been a really tough stretch of bad roads. Time does help but you never forget. Time also has a way to make the bad memories fade away allowing the good ones to get more attention. Merry Xmas and thanks for your support on CSN. Next time through, let me know. Coffee on me. :)

    don