Overbearing family during treatment

geegee622
geegee622 Member Posts: 1
in Emotional Support #1

My husband was recently diagnosed with lymphoma at the age of 25.  We have only been married for 6 months, and I am completely devastated.

 

He is an only child and his parents are very overbearing and ignorant when it comes to his treatment and care.  He had his first chemo last week and has been super sick.  He can drink Gatorade and that's about it.

 

His dad came over uninvited while my husband was sleeping.  He busted into the bedroom, turned on the light and told him to get up and get out of bed.  He has always been really strict and uses "tough love" but it infuriated me.  My husband was up all night long, finally was able to rest and his dad barges in and Wakes him up.

 

His dad started belittling me and telling me I needed to cook for him and force him to eat.  I told him I was taking care of him and feeding him small portions of food so that he could keep it down.  I was also setting my alarm every 3 hours and giving him nausea medication around the clock, taking care of the dog, cleaning the house, and taking care of my husband. His dad continued to tell me everything I was doing wrong and made me feel like a failure. Even though I know I'm doing what is best for my husband and following the oncologists advice.

 

So my father in law tore my kitchen apart and started cooking chicken, potatoes, gravy, pasta, and sauce.  All the while telling me I need to cook more...even though I cook all of the time.  He more or less forced my husband to eat (even though he has been vomiting and nauseous for days) and then left my kitchen a complete pig sty, which stressed me out. Upon leaving he said "have fun cleaning up my mess in the kitchen!"

 

His visits make me uncomfortable and in all reality are just creating more work for me than relief. I've mentioned to my husband how I feel and he says "that's just the way my dad is..."  how do I cope with this?  Is it ok to ask him to please not cook and make messes at my house and then take off?

Comments

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #2
    Father-in-law

    You are better than I would have been.  I would have told him to get out until he can control himself that you are following the doctor's advice.  Tell him to do research so he can understand that chemo is a poison that your husband is putting in his system right now and that the side effects can be horrible.  By your husband eating what he prepared I am sure he wasn't able to keep it down.  Your husband is lucky he can eat at all.  My husband couldn't and had a feeding tube for 4 of the last 5 years of his life.  He would have loved to eat.  Just remember that the side effects to chemo, especially the nause and vomiting only last during the taking and there are many medications that will help with that.  My husband told Emend and that really helped him with the nausea and vomiting.  Plus he had another medication for break thru nausea and vomiting.  Fatigue is another side effect and rest is very important for your husband. 

    Too many that have never undergone treatment for cancer do not understand the side effects.  I would tell your FIL that he is not welcome if all he is going to do is belittle you and your husband and I hope your husband will back you up otherwise there will be major problems. 

    Wishing you both peace and comfort

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